Prince to Perform 21 Shows in London Supporting 3121; Moms to Go Wild, Throw (Sensible) Panties Onstage

Hey moms, you look hot.

I mean that literally. You’re overheated. Tie that functional corduroy shirt around your waist, stay awhile. Wow! It’s as if you were meant to be in those cushiony clogs. Dancing in anything feminine gives you blisters.

If I may, Ms. Mom, take you down memory lane to the day you had the sincere privilege of dancing your heart out, and then consummating your love in a... little red Corvette (or Ford, for the less... fast) to the sweet sounds of the artist formerly known as, well, the artist formerly known as Prince.

Yes, it’s with a healthy commitment to sweeping generalizations that I categorize perhaps the most relevant modern pop artist-turned-symbol-turned artist (again) as comfort food to be snacked on by the masses of practical shoe-wearing, lunch-packing, dancing at "functions" with their thumbs up, formerly cool, and now station wagon-chauffeuring moms. It is with zero empirical evidence and purely personal anecdote that this holds true, given that:

(1) My mom doesn’t really like anything and –

(2) (a) My mom loves Prince and frequently cites him as “larger than life” (a tagline with vague origins);

(b) Prince will be touring London, and it puts pep in the step of my mom’s practical shoes.

Seriously, Prince is a most appropriate musical outlet for moms trapped in their role as, well, moms. He’s rebellious enough, and any respectable lady can still blast “Purple Rain” guilt-free in her Volvo wagon without prompting gossip. Most importantly, though, both Mom and Prince find some definition in what they were... formerly known as. Connection formed.

Absurd generalizing aside, Prince recently announced a plan to play 21 shows throughout London in support of his most recent release, 3121 (Universal), aptly priced at £31.21 ($62). And according to the ex-symbol, these performances on The Earth Tour, beginning August 1, are the only 2007 European tour dates, since he will be spending considerable time studying the Bible like any good Jehovah.

What are you waiting for, moms, Prince fans, moms that are Prince fans? Tickets go on sale May 11, and your purchase guarantees a free copy of 3121.

Things haven’t been that accessible since your hemline was shorter, and, well, need I bring up that time in the red Corvette?

Prince to Perform 21 Shows in London Supporting 3121; Moms to Go Wild, Throw (Sensible) Panties Onstage

Hey moms, you look hot.

I mean that literally. You’re overheated. Tie that functional corduroy shirt around your waist, stay awhile. Wow! It’s as if you were meant to be in those cushiony clogs. Dancing in anything feminine gives you blisters.

If I may, Ms. Mom, take you down memory lane to the day you had the sincere privilege of dancing your heart out, and then consummating your love in a... little red Corvette (or Ford, for the less... fast) to the sweet sounds of the artist formerly known as, well, the artist formerly known as Prince.

Yes, it’s with a healthy commitment to sweeping generalizations that I categorize perhaps the most relevant modern pop artist-turned-symbol-turned artist (again) as comfort food to be snacked on by the masses of practical shoe-wearing, lunch-packing, dancing at "functions" with their thumbs up, formerly cool, and now station wagon-chauffeuring moms. It is with zero empirical evidence and purely personal anecdote that this holds true, given that:

(1) My mom doesn’t really like anything and –

(2) (a) My mom loves Prince and frequently cites him as “larger than life” (a tagline with vague origins);

(b) Prince will be touring London, and it puts pep in the step of my mom’s practical shoes.

Seriously, Prince is a most appropriate musical outlet for moms trapped in their role as, well, moms. He’s rebellious enough, and any respectable lady can still blast “Purple Rain” guilt-free in her Volvo wagon without prompting gossip. Most importantly, though, both Mom and Prince find some definition in what they were... formerly known as. Connection formed.

Absurd generalizing aside, Prince recently announced a plan to play 21 shows throughout London in support of his most recent release, 3121 (Universal), aptly priced at £31.21 ($62). And according to the ex-symbol, these performances on The Earth Tour, beginning August 1, are the only 2007 European tour dates, since he will be spending considerable time studying the Bible like any good Jehovah.

What are you waiting for, moms, Prince fans, moms that are Prince fans? Tickets go on sale May 11, and your purchase guarantees a free copy of 3121.

Things haven’t been that accessible since your hemline was shorter, and, well, need I bring up that time in the red Corvette?

MySpace Aims to “Take Down” YouTube, Orders It to “Stay Down” in Schwarzenegger Voice (With a Little Pauly Shore)

Don’t be that kid still listening to Panda Bear this summer!

Yup, there’s a new bandwagon rollin’ into town! The most popular unknown band in the indie-pop/ freak-folk/ dub-tronica/ buzz-wordical/ avant-twee scene is bustin’ loose and heading to an all-ages Rec Center/ Chain-shirking Party House/ Dive Club owned by one of the Stokes/Outdoor Stadium near you!!!

Ladies and gentlemen, introducing “Take Down, Stay Down,” the furious 15-piece that nobody knows about and everyone’s talking about, based out of Brooklyn/L.A./Omaha/London/Hotlanta. These guys/girls are not just “so cool that they’re hot.” They’re also so indie that they’re dance, so druggy that they’re inspirational, and so hideous that they’re pin-up cute.

But don’t take my word for it! Let’s see what some of the most bitchin’ blogs are saying about “Take Down, Stay Down” . . .

Uh... let’s see...

Uh...

Hmmmm... well... this is embarrassing...

Uh, sorry everybody. It seems that I misread my assignment a little bit here. Counter-intuitive as it may seem, “Take Down, Stay Down” isn’t the newest indie-rock buzz band. Apparently, it’s a new video initiative being spearheaded by renowned time-waster/internet friend-finder MySpace in an attempt to edge-out YouTube in the world of internet video dominance (read: world domination). The goal is to prevent users from reposting videos that have previously been removed for reasons of copyright protection. According to Billboard, “Take Down, Stay Down” is a feature that creates a “digital fingerprint” on any video that has been taken down at copyright holders' request. It then “places that fingerprint into a filter that will block any other user from uploading that same video in the future.”

And the point of all of this high-tech James Bondocity, you ask? Simple. Until now, content owners who have posted on services such as YouTube and MySpace have long-ignored the intrinsic idea that they shouldn’t post valued details of their lives and work on the internet and, invariably, have long-lamented the grim reality that less considerate members of these websites simply repost videos that said copyright owners have previously demanded be taken down.

Now, with its new initiative, MySpace is striking a blow for the good ol’ U.S. Constitution, putting a stop to the kind of wanton video piracy that we all know and love and exposing a key vulnerability of video-sharing sites like YouTube, which has recently drawn a $1 billion lawsuit from media giant Viacom. At the moment, videos taken-down for copyright reasons on YouTube tend to reappear on the site moments after being pulled, which renders DMCA-provisioned copyright defenses as useless as, well... most of the videos on the internet themselves, for one thing.

But don’t consider YouTube’s digital ass kicked just yet. See, the fingerprinting and filtering technology used for MySpace’s new “Take Down, Stay Down” service is provided by the company Audible Magic, the company who is also signed on to power a web-video solution for, you guessed it: YouTube.

(I’ll let you all take a minute to think about how stupid that seems. Good? Ready? Okay...)

According to digitalmusicnews.com, YouTube has yet to unveil its new filtering service, but we bet that once it does, the internet won’t be nearly as fun to visit anymore.

So I guess, in retrospect, I will see you at the “Take Down, Stay Down” show after all. Because pretty soon, it’s going to be the only show in town. Better pick out a good book now, kids.

Portishead to Curate ATP and Play Out; Too Late for Last Surviving Trip-Hopper Who Died Yesterday at Age of 118

Okay, Portishead. Two amazing albums, sold well over 40 copies each. A band that had the bollocks to release a live album that features the audience literally CLAPPING ALONG WITH THE SONGS. Worldwide adoration, despite their physical ungainliness. And then -- not a fucking peep for 10 years. Maybe they had better things to do with their limitless supplies of time and money than fucking work?

Recently, though, things have been stirring in the beguilingly maudlin little corner of the planet that Portishead inhabit. A couple of shitty “doodles,” as Geoff Barrow called them, were released on the band’s MySpace bolthole, prompting mass hysteria that these were the seeds of the hallowed new album. They also played a couple of short sets in Bristol, and that was just about it. Until now.

Finally, Portishead have confirmed their first full live date in 10 years. They’ve agreed to curate the next All Tomorrow’s Parties shebang at the Butlin’s Holiday Camp in Minehead. Which is in England. The whole thing bears the mind-bendingly original moniker of The Nightmare Before Christmas, and will be taking place December 7-9. As the band themselves state:

"We have always loved the All Tomorrow's Parties set up and we're happy our first shows will be there. It's great to have the opportunity to introduce bands we love or have influenced us. We've chosen a diverse collection of artists to play with us and we're really looking forward to it".

Inspiring words, indeed. And I bet you can barely wait to hear exactly who this “diverse collection of artists” is, eh? Well, here we go. The line up for the show, as advertised on the ATP site, is currently as follows:

Portishead

Well, even if they can’t be bothered to actually get any more acts on the bill, I’m sure a champion time will be had by all, just so long as everyone remembers to clap along to the big hits.

Sally Struthers and The Black Keys Team Up To Throw Live Music Fans A Proverbial Bone

I know you remember those late-night cable TV specials with Sally Struthers and the Christian Children's Fund. For only cents a day, you could support a child's health and overall well-being somewhere in Africa. Lately, as a music fan, I've felt like maybe I needed a sponsorship group, or at the very least a counseling group. In a day and age in which fans can end up paying for their favorite artist's album with their entire paycheck, kidney, and first-born child, the musical panorama from a fan's point of view is looking rather bleak. Flip me a quarter a day and I might be able to buy a major label release in a month or six. It wears on us as fans and most of all on our loyalty, to stores, bands, labels, and music in general.

With each cog in the machine biting the hand that feeds them, all the way up the ladder, it is refreshing to see a band who still puts their blood and sweat into what they do, but also finds time to show us they care. One such band is The Black Keys. Like The White Stripes covered in Vaseline and rolled around in dirt, the blues-rock duo have consistently kicked out their fuzzy, filthy guitar/drums jams, as dynamic live as on record. Now, after touring in support of their fourth album, Magic Potion, the band is releasing a four-track EP from different shows throughout the tour. The best part? It is available for download for the price of on-the-house. Absolutely 100% free. Get it while it's hot.

The Live EP:

1. No Trust (recorded at Troubadour, Los Angeles 09.13.06)
2. Elevator (recorded at Mercy Lounge, Nashville 12.15.06)
3. Girl Is On My Mind (recorded at Troubadour, Los Angeles 09.13.06)
4. 10AM Automatic (recorded at Mercy Lounge, Nashville 12.15.06)

Again, you can download the EP in its entirety for FREE at the band's MySpace.

Source Magazine Chapter 11: Where’s the Beef? (A: Suicide Girls.com LOLZ)

Self-proclaimed “Hip-Hop Bible” The Source has filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy, with current CEO Jeremy Miller citing the mismanagement of former co-owner Raymond “Benzino” Scott and founder Dave Mays as the main cause. After Eminem and the Benzie beefed (in print and on record!), advertisers and subscribers started dropping, says SOHH.com. Since then, The Source has been struggling to overcome a number of publicity disasters, including a sexual harassment suit by former editor-in-chief Kim Osorio and claims that the magazine boosted the reviews (the “mic” rating) of several not-so-great records.

I don’t know about this rap stuff (if it’s not Clipse or Ghostface, it’s really just not indie enough), but judging from the SOHH's feedback forum, the regulars are torn about Source’s continuing financial troubles. Talk-backer Jaime wonders, “Where is SOHH Magazine”? While forum member Ohhh speculates, “No other mags are going bankrupt so the proof is in the pudding,” begging the question: so what’s the pudding in?

Hannity (????) writes that “[in] 10 years we'll be done with paper periodicals.” But forum user jquifov gwzq gets the final word, saying of the bankruptcy, “uhgsi xehpylamz nztamgb myhea pwsky bmyxtp vnmz.”

So it goes. An old magazine gets restructured. A young website lives. Unlike the beef-happy hip-hop media, the indie scene prefers pork, and we’re more than happy to play ball, shit, even to excess, to get those big money deals. Mr P has yet to challenge indie fashion guru and American Apparel CEO Dov Charney’s to a brawl-to-wall beard-growing match; though rumor has it P, following Charney’s lead, now interviews potential writers in his underwear. The dis record is probably not forthcoming.

Seriously, not only did I have to witness a skivvies-only interview to get this gig, the magic eight ball tells me some poor sucker is going to get strong-armed into giving The Twilight Sad’s new disc four dots instead of three-and-a-half. Do you know how many units that extra half moon will move? If only you, fair reader, were so impressionable. We live and die on the backs of our advertisers, so here it goes: fuck FatCat Records, Crystal Top Music, Token Boy, and whoever else is flickering in your eyeballs today. No amount of half naked men/women will make me click your fucking banner ad (honestly though, at some point I’m going to click it). Sixteen- to thirty-four-year-olds unite. You have nothing to lose but your $72k household income (on average!). Or just get Firefox.

Alright, I’m done snitchin’. Please keep advertising with us.

Wolf Parade Tour Opens At Wolfe Island Festival; God, That’s So 2004

I forgot they even existed. With 57 side-projects currently touring and recording simultaneously, the boys from Wolf Parade have managed to find time to play shows for the folks tired of their recent musical misadventures. They've got Handsome Furs, Sunset Rubdown, Swan Lake, Johnny and the Moon, and Frog Eyes going -- the other 52 are top secret. It's just so incestuous. It kind of creeps me out a little, but... it's also kind of appealing. Like how I just wanted George Michael and Maeby to get it on, so I could see how David Cross would react to the situation in his fiery Ms. Featherbottom outfit.

Well it's a brief flash-in-the-pan tour, but it begins in the hippest place I could imagine... Kingston, Ontario. I can't picture any city cooler than a place home to the Royal Military College and where the biggest employer is the Armed Forces. I'm trying to picture one, but, but... no, I can't. Also in its favor, the city has a big maximum-security prison and a university full of bratty, upper-class private school graduates, too. So if there is a day-release program in effect and the inmates, jarheads, and conservative politic theory majors can all make it to the island for the festival, it could result in some interesting goings on.

In the mean time, there is supposed to be a new Wolf Parade album in the works for early 2008 to be released on Sub Pop. Chances are you'll have a leaked copy by Christmas and can provide your friends and Great Aunt Eida with seasonally decorated CD-Rs. Until then, you can see Wolf Parade play these places, on these days:

Quintron and Miss Pussycat Touring; Every Day We Get a Little Older

The friend who first told me about Quintron is actually the same friend who first informed me about this fine website. The three of us (Quintron, the friend, and myself) have been through a lot since then. Breakups, graduations, making albums with the Oblivians, goodbyes, losing all our rotating, five-oscillator, light activated “drum buddies” in hurricane Katrina: Just the tip of the iceberg.

Most recently, I’ve decided for the tenth time to try and quit coffee; the friend has decided to relax at her parents’ house for a few days; and Quintron and his wife/favorite puppeteer Miss Pussycat have made the decision to tour the American South and Midwest. Thinking about how much we’ve changed and how much we’ve yet to change fills me with a certain gentle melancholy. There’s a Japanese expression for that. Mono No Aware. I learned it from a video game.

Quintron and Miss Pussycat recently created a 10-episode puppet soap opera for VBS TV. CLICK HERE FOR THE FIRST EPISODE!! They also just released a limited-edition 12-inch EP called JAMSKATE, which can be purchased or downloaded here. Check out some YouTube videos, too.

Like sands through the hourglass, so are the days of our lives:

Doseone to Make You Feel Like A Modern de’Medici

You read The Da Vinci Code, right? Want to make your life as exciting as the adventures of Professor Robert Langdon? Self-described “true jack of all nerves, art cutter, freezer of voice, sampler, banger of keyboards, pill burner, hermetic independent music making friend maker, part-time propmaster, good learner, catman, and ref-poet for life,” Adam “Doseone” Drucker could be your ticket into this world of historical intrigue.

In December, the tour van of Doseone-headed Subtle (not to be confused with Doseone-headed Greenthink, cLOUDDEAD, Deep Puddle Dynamic, Object Beings, 13 & God, Themselves, Presage... [point is dude has got more band’s than Lil’ Wayne’s AK has got shells (which is more than the ocean, in turn, has [Source: Wayne, Lil’ & Drama, DJ, Dedication 2: Gangsta Grillz, 2006])]) was robbed of $15,000 worth of equipment and cash. Naturally, Dose chose to paint portraits of fans for $20 in an attempt to replace the lost items.

The offer is again available at this website, where 150 people will have a chance to commission a painting based on a picture e-mailed to Doseone, sure to be rife with Masonic imagery and ancient conspiracy. For $20, you can be presented with the opportunity to pretend that you’re in your own Dan Brown.

Think “Oh, lame saint!” is cryptic? Try “I think our tour guide is on the H2O/ You don't seem to understand the lasting impression a grade school gym teacher's chutzpah has on a modern nation's economy/ And I could write anything/ And I could write anything/ The average healthy rooster lives around twelve years/ This is amusing.” YEAH, the dude actually writes like that. Imagine how mysterious his paintings must be.

Ted Leo Tours the World, Admits to Being a Fanjaya

The last time I saw Ted Leo (solo, at a benefit for Callum Robbins), the hollers from the crowd, usually something hilarious like "FREEBIRD!," took on a different nature. This time it was a little less American band and a little more American Idol. Mr. Leo, who once covered the inaugural Idol Kelly Clarkson's smash-hit "Since U Been Gone," received numerous pleas from an overzealous crowd all calling for a cover of the pop gem. But like any self-respecting connoisseur of pop culture, Ted knew that the shelf-life of cover-song irony is comparable to a carton of milk (that is to say, in this case, expired). Preferring to stick to his more timeless repertoire of Wire and Springsteen, Leo politely ignored the persistent heckles and concurred when an audience member asked, "Don't you wish you never covered that song?" That's exactly why I've come up with this list of potential cover songs for Ted that just never get old:

"Higher" by Creed -- Come on, Teddy; you can't be so punk all the time. Get in touch with your Jesus side!

"It's All Coming Back to Me" by Celine Dion -- Because he has trouble booking shows, I heard he was looking for a residency at Caesars Palace.

"I'm A Flirt" by R. Kelly -- If only to hear Ted Leo say "I'ma chick mag-a-net/ And anything fine I'm bag-gin it."

"Sorry 2004" by Ruben Studdard -- We already know he can do the A-Idol thing; give Big Rube some love.

Taking requests all through the summer: