MV+EE Tours, TMT Live-Blogs Super Tuesday, Which Is Still Relevant As Long As You Imagine It’s Still Happening

So we’re kicking off TMT’s “Super Motha’ Fuckin’ Tuesday (on Wednesday)” "live"-blogging session with the formidable coverage of ABC (mainly because the other terrestrial stations ‘round here are still stuck on regular programs):

- 9:35 PM

An anchor opines that perhaps the youth vote will turn out “if we give them iPods.” Diane agrees smirking, “Yes, let’s keep raising the stakes. Pizza, [then I’ll raise you one chortle! with] pizza and toppings.” You might as well take me to Chuck E Cheese; that way, when we bring video games into the equation, we won’t have to travel far.

- 9:55 PM

A commercial for Oprah’s Mindfuck 2k8: “Give away this sum money! Wait, you’ve won our arbitrary contest, here it is back! Wait, you have to give away again, sucker!” Okay, so I made that last part up, but c’mon... please Guild writers come back. I can’t steal jokes off Conan’s ad libs.

- 9:56 PM

The local news bulletins are so cute. But then they have much less time to fill than the national anchors, so there’s less stumbling. The cuteness evens out.

- 10:01 PM

Charlie Gibson just held back a burp while calling Oklahoma for John McCain.

- 10:07 PM

For a moment we just heard an ABC producer say, “They’re holding up a sign,” which doesn’t really explain why a professional camera crew can’t find a spot without a placard blocking Mike Huckabee’s eerily greased visage. Why are his eyes 95% pupil? (1. Shark DNA 2. He’s goes to the same CVS as Rush)

- 10:22 PM

The guy from Law and Order is on a commercial. Isn’t he running? I am confused.

>>> Switch to NBC:

- 10:35 PM

Talk of John McCain’s Maverick-ness. Still, he don’t compare to the real Maverick.

- 10:44 PM

Joe Lieberman talks like a muppet.

- 10:46 PM to 10:55 PM

Pee break. And I ate a cookie.

- 10:30 PM

Alright, I’m sick of watching this – wayyy too many states to keep track of (oh wait, “Conservatives love contrarians!” Damn you, Peggy Noonan, damn you and your ilk) And here’s your MV+EE with the Golden Road tourdates:

# w/ Samara Lubelski

$ w/ Doc Dunn and Chris Davis

@ see MV+EE's MySpace for full tour support, cause, shit, don’t you know there’s an election goin’ on??

Dizzee Rascal’s Maths + English Finally Coming to the US; Big Gulps and XXL Tweety Bird T-Shirts Finally Coming to the UK

Let's get this straight. Since June 4, 2007, when Maths + English was released in the United Kingdom, those on the other side of the pond have been unable to get their grubby hands on an actual copy of the album without paying import prices. Granted, you could purchase the album digitally, but something tells me that the cross section between Dizzee Rascal fan and the endangered species that is the record-buying public puts some stock into a physical manifestation of their $14.99. And they wonder why we pirate music.

So, while "Pussyole (Old Skool)" still makes me feel unsettled, I'm proud to announce that almost one year later, on April, 29, 2008, Maths + English will wash ashore at a United States record store near you. Featuring the album's UK-repping guest spots from Alex Turner of The Arctic Monkeys and Lily Allen, as well as Texas' finest UGK (R.I.P. Pimp C), the album will also feature new tracks "G.H.E.T.T.O.," "Driving," and a "Where's Da G's" remix by Def Jux head-honcho El-P, whose label is responsible for bringing Americans this long-delayed LP.

The Mercury Prize Nominated tracklist (+3):

It's 2008, my friends, and this year's Bonnaroo is headlined by... Pearl Jam and Metallica? I guess! Scheduled to take place June 13-15 on what many people are reporting to be a 700-acre (I counted 689 acres) farm in Manchester, Tennessee, the 2008 Bonnaroo Arts and Music Festival will surely be a blast. How do I know? Why just check out these sorta kinda sometimes not really TMT-relevant acts scheduled to perform: Battles, The Fiery Furnaces, Jose Gonzalez, My Morning Jacket, Talib Kweli, Broken Social Scene, and Sigur Rós.

Then, of course, Robert Plant will be there performing, not in the much-rumored-about Led Zeppelin reunion, but with Alison Krauss. There will be a Led Zeppelin cover band called Lez Zeppelin though.


Songs against sex:

Destroyer Promotes Misogyny on Upcoming Tour; Women Welcome Under Strict Provisions

Wikipedia: Destroyer (pronounced "destroy her") is a hatred or strong prejudice against women. Those holding Destroyeristic beliefs can be of either sex. Although Destroyer is sometimes confused with misanthropy, the terms are not interchangeable, for the latter refers more generally to the hatred of humanity. A concept related to Destroyer is gynophobia, the fear of women, but not necessarily hatred of them. The obsolete Latin language term horror feminae (literally "fear of women) may be used as a synonym both for Destroyer and gynophobia.

Destroyer is considered by most feminist theories as an implicit motivation of political ideologies that justify and maintain the subordination of women to men. Such ideologies are typically called sexism, by analogy with racism and antisemitism. Destroyer is, therefore, often associated with anti-woman sexism, as misandry is associated with anti-man sexism.

Destroyer's anti-feminist concept album, Trouble In Dreams (working title was Women Suck), comes out March on Merge. Yep, March on Merge.

Sarah McLachlan:

* Colossal Yes

^ Andre Ethier

$ Devon Williams

Suicide Squeeze Starting 7-Inch Series, Amazon’s Shitty Selection

Check out Amazon's vinyl section here. I'm sure you saw the front page and cringed, or maybe you did a search and were disappointed. Either way, their shitty selection's not the point. Instead, Amazon's new vinyl push is yet another sign that vinyl is penetrating the mainstream again. Even corporate "indie"-style stores like Urban Outfitters sell turntables to hipsters. Shitty USB fuckin' devices with plastic platters, but turntables nonetheless.

But enough about the resurgence of popularity in collecting vinyl; let's talk about what to put on that turntable.

Suicide Squeeze, a Seattle label whose first release was a 7-inch and who has braggin' rights to say it has worked with Modest Mouse, Elliott Smith, and Minus the Bear, has just announced a new 7-inch series. The first artist is HEALTH, followed by Coathangers, School of Seven Bells, Black Moth Super Rainbow, and Dave Bazan (Pedro the Lion) sprinkled throughout the year. The Squeeze says it will be announcing more releases shortly.

Let's just hope you play them on a turntable that doesn't look like this.

7-inch release schedule:

- 02.19.08 - HEALTH “Perfect Skin” b/w “Perfect Skin Curses! Remix”
- 03.18.08 - The Coathangers “Shake Shake” b/w “Dreamboat”
- 04.08.08 - School of Seven Bells “Silent Grips” b/w “Used To” (Wire cover)
- 05.06.08 - Black Moth Super Rainbow Zodiac Girl” b/w TBA
- 11.04.08 - Dave Bazan - Songs TBA

Practical Advice, Brought to You by Tilly & the Wall’s Tour

Nebraska pop kids Tilly & the Wall seem like fun-loving, carefree people. They’ve got glockenspiels. They’ve got a designated tap dancer for their shows. They’re all great friends. But they write songs that, under the guise of sweet lovesick ditties, are actually a goldmine of practical help for everyday life. So, if this tour doesn’t pan out, they might have alluring futures in the home improvement or customer support industries:

- Problem #1: The ecstasy’s wearing off and you’re fucking BEAT.

Solution from “Nights of the Living Dead”: Pass out on your neighbor’s lawn.

- Problem #2: They didn’t have the first season of The Wire in at Blockbuster.

Solution from “Brave Day”: Predict and plan your funeral.

- Problem #3: Best friend drowning in the ocean.

Solution from “Reckless”: Get drunk and don’t worry about it.

All non-festival dates with Capgun Coup:

The dudes from The Pirate Bay go harder than anyone else in the game -- that much is undeniable. Still, they are not bulletproof. Piercing their near-invincibility (innate with being Swedish) is a new lawsuit at the hands of public prosecutors charging the torrent directory Dream Team with preparing and participating in copyright infringement. Like some sort of juiced-up Team America behemoth, the Pirate-hating coalition -- I guess you could call them ninjas -- consists of labels and studios, including Warner, MGM, Sony BMG, Columbia Pictures, and 20th Century Fox.

The defendants, then, are Pirate Bay operators Carl Lundstrom, Peter Sunde, Frederik Neij, and Gottfrid Svartholm Warg (not to be confused with Peter, Björn, or John). The charges reference only four computer games, nine movies, and 20 music files, but in this Red Scare/witch hunt hybrid, even "promoting other people's infringements of copyright laws" is potentially criminal. The Swedish prosecution team is demanding payment of 1.2 million Kronor, which I assume is a currency somewhere between Monopoly money and gold bricks, and if found guilty, the men could face up to two years in jail. Think prison in Sweden would be a cakewalk? Little known fact: HBO's Oz was based there.

Responding to all haters and potential lawsuits, the boys strike back on their site stating, "Only torrent files are saved at the server. That means no copyrighted and/or illegal material are stored by us. It is therefore not possible to hold the people behind The Pirate Bay responsible for the material that is being spread using the tracker. Any complaints from copyright and/or lobby organizations will be ridiculed and published at the site."

Apparently, 9,424,845 peers can, in fact, be wrong. John Kennedy, Chairman and CEO of the IFPI, said the Pirate Bay "managed to make Sweden, normally the most law abiding of EU countries, look like a piracy haven with intellectual property laws on a par with Russia," and went on to call the site "the international engine of illegal file-sharing." Argh, matey. We'll see who gets the booty.

Warning: The following is entirely fabricated, except for the parts about Grand Archives going on tour, John Stamos, and the ‘secret death knife.’


Last time we left The Indie and the Beautiful, Marty Crandall of The Shins was accused of domestic assault, the unpredictable (and foreign) Björk made her 37th attack on a reporter, and Vampire Weekend played "Cape Cod Kwassa Kwassa" in a scene at the Peach Pit. This week, we follow Mat Brooke, former guitarist and vocalist of Carissa's Weird and former guitarist for Band of Horses.

While cruisin' the strip with club kids Brian Austin Green, Screech, and James St. James, Brooke and his new band Grand Archives have a run-in with Ben Bridwell, lead singer and guitarist of Band of Horses, at Club White People. Even though he once said he was cool with Mat leaving "his" band, Ben suddenly pushes Mat into an ice cream truck.

He calls Matt a "no good for nothin', sellin' out pussy." Mat's Grand Archives crew tries to break up the fight, but instead they have to rush Brian Austin Green to a hospital after he took too much ecstasy.

"Duder, I'm not going to fight you," says Mat as he suddenly punches Ben in the grease stain where his groin used to be.

[After a few other side stories, including Jennifer Love Hewitt and Jens Lekman's relationship on the rocks, we come back to the showdown outside of Club White People.]

John Stamos climbs out of a limo to break up the fight, just like in every other episode. Stamos says that it's not how many records you sell or how many floozies you sleep with (he says this shit every time), but what counts is how well we play music from our hearts. As Stamos starts to play his version of The Beach Boys' "Forever," Mat shouts at Screech to throw him the ‘secret death knife.’ "Screech, throw me the secret death knife!"

Mat catches the knife midair, and then in one singular motion he stabs Ben in the heart. "You're a ghost now, old friend," says Mat as he tosses the bloody knife back to Screech.

"Stamos, put a Forkcast in him, because this mutha is done."


Tonight's episode featured music from Grand Archives. You can buy their self-titled album February 19, released by Sub Pop, and you can see them
on tour at the following dates:

Next week on The Indie and the Beautiful:

- Is Cat Power pregnant with Wolf Parade's Babies?
- Will Times New Roman defuse the Baker Street bomb on time?
- Will Aesop Rock ask Devendra Banhart to marry him?
- Does anyone really give a shit?

The Mountain Goats Pen Song for Super Tuesday; Suggest You Vote for Peter Peter Hughes

One part of that headline is true, anyway. Minnesota Public Radio's program Weekend America must have some kinda magic fingers, because who else can ask Mountain Goats to write a Super Tuesday song for them? I wish I had that kind of power. Salutes to the MGs for remaining non-partisan, though John Darnielle's distaste for hypocrisy and deals with the Devil may rule out a couple of candidates. The song is entitled "Down to the Ark," and you can listen to it here.


"Down to the Ark" by The Mountain Goats

The candidates met up in North Dakota

And they donned their black robes there in the chapel hall

They said a brief invocation to their cloven-hoofed prince

And they signed their names in blood on the vestry wall

In Christ you know there's neither high nor low

And the void will claim all creatures small or bright

Seal up the borders or let everybody in

In the order of the serpent, there'll be neither left nor right

And we pull down our blindfolds

And we reach out for the lever in the dark

Get a sticker for our shirts as we head into the sun

Proudly bearing the mark

Headed down to the ark

The applicants went down to Oklahoma

And they hired an accent coach to teach them the western twang

And several post-born babies learned the hard way:

Vampires only kiss you if they've sharpened up their fangs

And as Minnesota fell, so went Missouri

We met at VFWs in the snow

And we voted down the tax codes, and we voted down the war

So many names to choose from, just one way to go.

NASA Sends The Beatles’ “Across the Universe” Across the Galaxy, Leaves Actual Space Exploration to the Russians

Well, America, this is what we are paying federal taxes for, huh?

Today, NASA (that's America's National Aeronautics and Space Association, for all you commie spies taking notes) will officially demonstrate to the entire universe that it is little more than a pack of aging hippies when it spends valuable time and highly-paid resources broadcasting The Beatles' song ''Across the Universe'' across the galaxy to Polaris, the North Star.

Apparently desperate to immortalize themselves as the greatest generation just one more time, NASA logged onto their roommate's computer while he was at “some pledge thing” and uploaded an MP3 of the four-minute song (possibly from Kazaa?). NASA will transmit it digitally tonight at 6 PM from its giant antenna in Madrid, Spain -- FCC be damned, man! But if you wanted to hear it on Polaris, you would need an XM subscription or something, and who wants to pay for that every month?

In case you were wondering, this first-ever beaming of a radio song by the space agency directly into deep space commemorates a variety of boring occasions, including the 40th anniversary of the song, the 45th anniversary of NASA's Deep Space Network (which communicates with its distant probes, don't'cha know) and the 50th anniversary of Old Man NASA.

But just in case your dad thinks he will actually live to see the day when we and a bunch of deep space aliens all come together over John Lennon and shit, you can dash his hippie hopes with some good ol' pro-establishment physics. See, even though the song will be turning off its mind, relaxing, and floating downstream at the speed of light, it will still take 431 years traveling a long and winding road to reach its final destination. That's because Polaris is 2.5 quadrillion miles away (yes, apparently that IS a real number).

The idea came from Martin "The Martian" Lewis, a Los Angeles-based Beatles historian whose nickname I just invented, who then got permission from McCartney, Yoko Ono, and the two companies that own the rights to The Beatles' music. One of those companies, Apple, was happy to approve the idea because it's ''always looking for new markets,'' Lewis said. Lewis and Apple all then proceeded to place jester hats on their heads and take LSD together.

As usual, Paul McCartney just so happened to be on hand to deliver his usual cheeky pull-quotes and pretend like he had anything to do with Lennon's inner-peace anthem: ''Send my love to the aliens,'' McCartney told NASA through a Beatles historian. ''All the best, Paul.''

Coincidentally enough, the song's "launching" comes a day before the release of the DVD of the Julie Taymor movie, Across the Universe, named after the Beatles hit, which, like NASA's half-baked plan, was also a huge waste of time and resources.

There. I said it.



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