The Twilight Sad on Diplomatic Tour, Diplomats Confused, Diplo Excited

On March 3, Scottish voters went to the poles and gave the proverbial middle finger to their colonial masters in London. With 95 of 127 seats reporting, The Scottish National Party looks poised to take control of the region's legislature, and in doing so, will set the groundwork for the secession of the nation from British rule, more than 50 years after the collapse of the empire upon which the sun never sets. In anticipation of the eventual separation of the nation from those wankers in England, SNP party leader Alex Salmond has appointed James Graham Foreign Affair cabinet minister and has commissioned his band The Twilight Sad to engage in a diplomatic tour to promote increased ties with France and to smooth over the contentious relationship between the soon-to-be-independent Scottish nation and England.

It is expected that the band will be greeted as liberators in Glasgow and as proponents of freedom in France; however, just how exactly the group will be received in England is unknown. With the English music community notoriously divided, there are fears that the presence of FatCat's droan popers will reunite sectarian violence in Brighton that has remained stable since its last explosion in 1973 during the battle of Quadrophenia. Despite the band's claims to be non-violent diplomats, leaked MI6 memos insinuate that their intentions may be more dubious than previously suspected. In recently declassified documents, it appears the Twilight Sad Liberation Army (TSLA) had previously been labeled by the Scotland Yard as a criminal organization whose anti-colonial activities have ties to international terrorism.

Gillo Pontecorvo has been commissioned to produce the bands upcoming DVD, with the tentative title, The Battle of Alba.

When reached for comments about their potential ties to the Scottish Separatist movement and anti-colonial terrorism, The Twilight Sad said I was full of shite.

You can protest in support or hatred of freedom and The Twilight Sad's LP Fourteen Autumns & Fifteen Winters at these locations. Green zones will be in effect:
05.05.2007 - Glasgow, Scotland - Classic Grand with My Latest Novel
05.07.2007 - Paris, France - Fleche D'or
05.09.2007 - London, England - Luminaire with Cougar
05.10.2007 - London, England - Club Fandango
05.11.2007 - London, England - Windmill with Lord Barringtone
05.13.2007 - Glasgow, Scotland - Classic Grand
05.19.2007 - Brighton, England - Ocean Rooms with Rabbits/Rank Deluxe
05.20.2007 - Glasgow, Scotland - Mono (instore)

Amazon Understands How Computers Work, Prepares DRM-Free Digital Music Store

In a partnership with Universal Music Group, Amazon appears to be the next company trying to challenge Apple’s glossy, steely grip on digital music sales. Amazon has declined to comment directly, but sources claim that Universal, the largest record label in existence, has handed Amazon DRM-free versions of much of its classical music back catalogue.

The Universal umbrella contains labels such as Aftermath, Interscope, and Motown, however, so if their partnership with Amazon comes to true fruition, things could get awesome.

With Apple’s only announced DRM-free ally being the comparatively puny EMI, this could become the largest blow to its industry dominance since the American Idol music store went DRM-free.

With the industry power of Universal and EMI coming out in support of unlocked MP3 files, the pressure is on for smaller major labels to follow suit and provide simple, DRM-free downloads that won’t confuse our parents. Both Apple and Amazon are reportedly in contract negotiations with labels of all sizes that are expected to continue through the summer, so it certainly appears that, in spite of what many labels are saying publicly, the DRM-free game is being played for keeps.

A source claimed earlier this week, though, that the assumptions being made about the Universal/Amazon partnership are “way off the mark.” There’s still a fighting chance, then, that this story will make me look like a fool in a few months.

Pete Doherty Back in Rehab!

Pete Doherty Back in Rehab!

Marissa Nadler Signs To Kemado Records, Stands Up Against ‘Weird America’ McCarthyism

Remember the Salem Witch Trials? Me neither. But I did read The Crucible in high school. Believe it or not, here at Tiny Mix Tapes we're privy to a lot of highly sensitive government information, and I have no choice but to share with you the latest shocking move in a string of federal witch hunts. In accordance with section 901(a) of the Organized Crime Control Act of 1970, Pub. L. No. 91-452, 84 Stat. 922, key players within the 'New Weird America' movement are facing charges under the Racketeer Influenced and Corrupt Organizations Act. Indulgent? Maybe. But dangerous? I think not. So Ariel Pink likes the sound of cassette tapes, Animal Collective overdo it on the nonsense chants, and Devendra has a Manson complex. That doesn't change the outrageousness of these unfounded, libelous claims! Alleged offenses include:

- A peyote cactus plot the size of Home Depot's garden section
- Money laundering through Jana Hunter's Holistic Healing Superstore
- Fraud (Of course Joanna Newsom's voice is natural!)
- 6 kilos of mescaline (powder form)
- Voodoo rituals to the sounds of Lie: The Love & Terror Cult
- Bribery of Arthur Magazine
- CocoRosie's latest album

Like many of her art school contemporaries, former RISD student Marissa Nadler has taken to the streets, attempting to mobilize a resistance to this injustice. With heartbreaking Gothic folk, Nadler hopes to raise funds in order to fight the case against her peers. Kemado Records has her back, finally bringing the critically acclaimed, anti-RICO masterpiece Songs III: Bird on the Water to the states for release this August.

Freak folk fight songs:

New Legislation Restricts Used CD Stores; LFO, Dido Celebrate

Start driving to your local used CD store now, with Insane Clown Posse albums in tow, because certain states are whispering back and forth about the pleasures of cracking down on resale shops in the future. Florida and Utah have already passed second-hand-goods legislation in a joint effort to lessen the sales of stolen goods and scare away all customers. In Florida, new laws now require little Timmy to submit thumb-prints and state-issued ID before exchanging his Marcy Playground CD-single for store credit -- no cash allowed. The stores themselves must apply for a permit and are required to keep traded CDs for 30 days before reselling them. Rhode Island is considering similar legislation, and as the National Association of Recording Merchandisers' outside council John Mitchell said, "There seems to be some sort of a new trend among states to support second-hand-goods legislation."

This is not the first time the music industry has pressured lawmakers to threaten the used CD market; major labels have often withheld cooperative advertising from stores that purchase from them directly while still dealing in resale. However, this has angered consumers and independent stores alike, leading to a Federal Trade Commission investigation of illegal practices within the industry in the mid-'90s. Since then, used CD sales have gone from 5% to nearly 10-20% of total CD revenue.

Beyond triggering a mass exodus from resale shops, these new laws may also be conflicting with slightly lesser-known documents, such as the U.S. Constitution. CD resale is protected by the First Amendment (those Fathers thought of everything, man), and the use of fingerprinting and collecting IDs could be seen as further violations. Existing copyright laws also allow individuals to legally resell CDs.

In honor of endangered used CD stores nationwide and the gems I've found in their clearance bins, I'd like to offer the discerning TMT reader a chance to hear "Nice and Slow," off a very special used CD I once purchased for $0.13. First person to e-mail me with the name of this groundbreaking group gets a copy of The Jingle Cats' Meowy Christmas in a broken jewel case. Good luck.

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New Legislation Restricts Used CD Stores; LFO, Dido Celebrate

Start driving to your local used CD store now, with Insane Clown Posse albums in tow, because certain states are whispering back and forth about the pleasures of cracking down on resale shops in the future. Florida and Utah have already passed second-hand-goods legislation in a joint effort to lessen the sales of stolen goods and scare away all customers. In Florida, new laws now require little Timmy to submit thumb-prints and state-issued ID before exchanging his Marcy Playground CD-single for store credit -- no cash allowed. The stores themselves must apply for a permit and are required to keep traded CDs for 30 days before reselling them. Rhode Island is considering similar legislation, and as the National Association of Recording Merchandisers' outside council John Mitchell said, "There seems to be some sort of a new trend among states to support second-hand-goods legislation."

This is not the first time the music industry has pressured lawmakers to threaten the used CD market; major labels have often withheld cooperative advertising from stores that purchase from them directly while still dealing in resale. However, this has angered consumers and independent stores alike, leading to a Federal Trade Commission investigation of illegal practices within the industry in the mid-'90s. Since then, used CD sales have gone from 5% to nearly 10-20% of total CD revenue.

Beyond triggering a mass exodus from resale shops, these new laws may also be conflicting with slightly lesser-known documents, such as the U.S. Constitution. CD resale is protected by the First Amendment (those Fathers thought of everything, man), and the use of fingerprinting and collecting IDs could be seen as further violations. Existing copyright laws also allow individuals to legally resell CDs.

In honor of endangered used CD stores nationwide and the gems I've found in their clearance bins, I'd like to offer the discerning TMT reader a chance to hear "Nice and Slow," off a very special used CD I once purchased for $0.13. First person to e-mail me with the name of this groundbreaking group gets a copy of The Jingle Cats' Meowy Christmas in a broken jewel case. Good luck.

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Gang Gang Dance and Ariel Pink Tour and Release DVDs

Explaining to people when they listen to Ariel Pink for the first time that, yes, it's supposed to sound like that and, yes, it was actually recorded at that dictaphone-worthy quality is enough to make 'em cross-eyed. They ask, "Why does he record it that way?" and "How did a guy like this even get popular?" To which, I reply, "I don't know, alright!? I just don't know." After that, more confusion ensues, and I guess some battles you just lose. Add the ever-so-eclectic Gang Gang Dance to the mix and you've lost the war.

Ariel Pink seems to be touring for fun, even though Paw Tracks reports it will be releasing an Ariel Pink DVD this year. Meanwhile, Gang Gang Dance is on a mission to promote their new CD/DVD combo, Retina Riddim, which is set to drop on May 22. Apparently 2007 is the year to release DVDs. If you're not on schedule to release one too, keep working on those licks. You'll get your shot, big boy.

Gang Gang Dance tourdates:

* Architecture in Helsinki

Do Make Say Think Tour Europe in Order to Escape North America’s Abundance of Child Molesters

I don't blame Dateline NBC for deciding to feature Do Make Say Think in the 165th installment of To Catch a Predator. This is a series where NBC pays watchdog group Perverted Justice to track down online sexual predators, leading them into a trap featuring the castigatory Chris Hansen along with chips and salsa. Once the Canadian post-rock band Do Make Say Think began heating up the U.S. scene, Dateline NBC saw its moment to capitalize on their success. Chris Hansen was able to get the band to help "entrap" yet another damn pervert. Here is a sample of the episode, brought to you in "TEXT VISION."

Pervert rings door bell. Guitarist, trumpeter, and Do Make Say Think/Broken Social Scene member, Charlie Spearin, opens the door.

Charlie: Hey dude, I'm Charlie Spearin. Do you like my moustache? Come on in. I have to get the cookies out of the oven, if you know what I mean.

Pervert: Sweet man. I'll wait, baby.

Chris Hansen enters the room

Chris Hansen: Whoa, buddy! What are you doing? What are you thinking? Do you know what is happening? Do you watch TV? Do you know who I am? I'm Chris Hansen and this an investigative TV show called To Catch a Predator. Did you know that you are a predator? Are you excited about the upcoming sequel to Alien Vs. Predator?

Pervert: What? I just came here to talk and eat cookies, man. I don't know what this is about.

Chris Hansen: Oh. Well, is it true that your screen name is JimmyBuffetFan69?

Pervert: Yeah, so?

Chris Hansen: Bullshit! Do you remember this little conversation that you had?

DoMakeSayThinkRox: Do U like my band? Does it turn U on? Do U get off 2 our soft, jazzed-up rhythms?

JimmyBuffetFan69: Yeah, baby! That new album, You, You're a History in Rust, makes me want to touch myself. Oh yeah, I'm listening to it right now, lol. I saw you guys on your tour last year. That violinist is freakin? hawt! LMAO!

Dood, just send us some neked pix, mkay? And meet us at Chris Hansen's house on the upper West Side. L8ter sk8er~!

Pervert: Yeah, I said that. So?

Chris Hansen: Well, you're also a pervert. And no, you didn't do anything wrong. But you obviously like Jimmy Buffet. And that makes you a child molester. Eat shit man. You just got pwned!

Pervert: I swear that I just enjoy their music.

Chris Hansen: Well, enjoy it no more. They are going to tour Europe to get away from pervs like you. However, you are free to go. Just walk out that door right that marked, "Trap."

The pervert walks outside and is unnecessarily attacked by a cop, who jumps out of some bushes wearing a guerilla camouflage costume.

Think Last, Do First; European tourdates:

Monster Mash(up): The Polyphonic Spree Mix The Polyphonic Spree with… The Polyphonic Spree? Hey! Wait! Someone Catch That Bandwagon!

Joining the likes of Diplo, Girl Talk, Go Home Productions, and Danger Mouse, your favorite musical cult has attempted the white-hot process of combining varying musical passages into a beefed-up amalgamation. Usually executed by an eclectic, open-minded third party looking to bend genres, The Spree decided to cut out the middle man entirely and watched the tactic's originality and creativity shrivel in the process.

In a misguided attempt to offset the leak of the album's advanced copy (speculation), the band broke new ground in promotional material... at least semantically. Instead of the traditional album 'sampler,' the band has combined sections of all 11 tracks on their new record, The Fragile Army, into an eight-minute epic and they called it a mashup! The single track is designed to give the fans "a taste." I can hardly contain my salivation.

When will the music industry learn that harebrained promotional experimentation won't save the CD medium? Only quality content will.

But we'll give them an "A" for effort. The mix showcases the band's jovial, symphonic rock with choral harmonies like an acid-induced gospel choir and ends with a kind word from your sponsor. "See ya later! Hope you enjoyed it! Be sure to look out for The Fragile Army, the new album from The Polyphonic Spree coming early Summer 2007. We'll see you at a town near you. So long!" exclaims lead Spree Tim DeLaughter in his creepiest pederast imitation.

Luckily, if you're into the whole Kool-Aid and Nikes scene, you can catch the group's 24 members sans robes and in their new military garb (get it? Army!) performing live throughout the month of May:

Put All Your Eggs in Marnie Stern’s Basket and Then Watch Her Tour!!! (Oh Shit, Does That Headline Sound Dirty? I Was Just Trying to Riff on One of Her Song Titles and Then… That’s It, I Quit)

When you see slightly frail-looking Marnie Stern walk onstage with
nothing but an iPod and an electric guitar for accompaniment, you'll
probably doubt that such a skinny girl with no backing band can give
you that intense, eardrum-popping sound you've heard about. Well,
fear not, because the rumors are true. I hear that if you go to a
show and don't think the Marnster (new nickname alert?) can shred
better than your favorite guitarist, she'll give you your money
back... or maybe it's that she'll break your arm. I can't remember.
For some folks, both would be equally pleasurable, and I won't judge
you for preferring the latter. In case you were wondering why her
album is called In Advance of the Broken Arm (TMT Review),
that's the story. That's an exclusive, bitch. Tiny Mix Tapes:
telling stories, changing lives.

P.S. Right before Marnie Stern broke my arm at a show a few weeks ago,
she announced that she'd have a full band for her upcoming tour! I
didn't know whether to trust her, though, because she had that
murderous gleam in her eye...

Tourdates to pre-date your broken arm:

* Animal Collective

  

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