♫♪  Delicious Beverage - “Telepathy Not Improv”

What kind of joke is this?

Luther Blissett and Luther Van Dam walk into a bar. It’s after the big game and they won, so they want to celebrate a little. They please-seat-themselves at the green wraparound booth in the no smoking room because it’s got the best flatscreen in the house. They are ready to unwind and watch the post-game coverage while throwing back a couple of beers. Luther on the left, Luther on the right, as always.

Van Dam is waving around his hand sanitizer like it’s a piece of chalk in Dedalus’ classroom. He doesn’t realize he’s waving it around; he doesn’t remember pulling it out of his pocket; he doesn’t even know how it got into his pocket in the first place.

It was one of those impulse buys, those small last-minute purchases that slowly diminish savings. Poison someone little by little over a long period of time and they’ll never know who did it.

Purchasing hand sanitizer in the check-out lane last Friday is not the only transaction Luther has forgotten. Recently, he’s had these long gaps. He’ll be at the big game and then before he knows it he’s at the corner of the bar waving hand sanitizer or whatever item happens to appear in his pocket: A piece of chewing gum, a pencil from David Komie, an unactivated gift card, you name it.

Some nights, Luther will come to in the after-hours at the bar staring at his own reflection in the unplugged flatscreen with miscellaneous items spread out across the round light-mahogany table. Who put this hand sanitizer in my pocket?

Hand sanitizer is the least of his worries. What Luther doesn’t know is his best friend, Blissett, is in fact slowly poisoning him, with a Delicious Beverage. So that explains the gaps in memory, but what about the mysterious items? Let’s just say Van Dam is an odd duck to begin with; he has knack for showing up in places all over town for no particular reason and pocketing a little of this and that from those places. Souvenirs from his life-long pointless pilgrimage. Yes, the contents of his pockets have always been strange. This, of course, comes as no surprise to his friends, but does come as a disappointment to anybody still reading who happens to be patiently waiting for a punchline.

Chocolate Grinder

CHOCOLATE GRINDER is our audio/visual section, with an emphasis on the lesser heard and lesser known. We aim to dig deep, but we’ll post any song or video we find interesting, big or small.

Most Read