Ana & Ina On Dockweiler Beach

[Constellation Tatsu; 2017]

Styles: routine meditation, ambient jeans
Others: Gifted & Blessed, Manchester by the Sea, Motion Sickness of Time Travel

February 18th,

Still waiting to get that call. That’s all I’ve been doing these past couple of days. Just waiting.

~ H.

February 19th,

Drove by the old house today. Someone in the window made eye contact with me, and for some reason I hit the gas like an absolute psychopath. Guess it made the commute a little more exciting. I do really miss that house… besides that, everything’s just same as it always is.

~ H.

February 21st,

The ants found their way into the apartment again. Usually I would use some kind of spray or at least a paper towel to wipe them off the counter, but today I started squishing them with my fingers. Cat was losing its mind, as usual, begging for wet food like it didn’t already have a perfectly fine bowl of kibble just sitting there. It ended up being a pretty nice night altogether. I don’t know why I get so hung up on things like this.

~ H.

February 26th,

Just finished cleaning up another swarm of ants in the apartment, and I sliced my hand open on the vegetable peeler. I didn’t even think that was possible. Ended up yelling at the cat and she hissed at me for the first time — it didn’t feel good. I can’t believe they still haven’t called. The more that time passes the less likely it seems they would suddenly decide to call the next day, or the next week, or ever. Why would anything ever change?

~ H.

March 1st,

Made it down to the beach today. I can’t even remember the last time I saw the water. The wind was too harsh and the waves too cold to do any swimming, but still, it struck me what an intense feeling it is to be sitting there wrapped up and staring into such a distant grayness. We tried to get a picnic going, but the crackers kept getting caught up in the gust and tossed out into the ocean. Still, it was really fun just to be out there. Came home and found more ants.

~ H.

March 6th,

Still waiting to get that call. Ana & Ina sent me a tape from our day at the beach. Listening to it, I suddenly felt as if these past few weeks had actually been carrying some sort of gentle, hidden purpose. Do you ever get that feeling?

~ H.

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