Faith, Torn Apart: A Parallel Poem
My room is a mess [I prefer “lived in”]
My hair is black and blue [I will be gray by 26]
My new phone is pink [My mantra: “Real men do not exist”]
My dress is a fishnet dress [I am not your catch]
My face looks soft [I have never been able to grow a beard]
My eye shadow is like Cleopatra [What good is a jewel that ain’t still precious?]
My contacts are bright green [My favorite color is coniferous]
My braces are real [My front tooth has started moving back]
My pose is for you [All other positions are incidental]
My freckles are for you [You can connect them with your fingers]
My shirt has no buttons [My outfit is an extension of my psyche]
My finger is in my mouth [I have never stopped biting my nails]
My hijab is polkadot [My patron saint is Saint Anthony]
My head is resting on my wrist [When I sit up again, my face is wrist-shaped]
My gaze is never going to settle [My indecisiveness is steadying]
My beauty mark is from a pen [My pencil case is a pretzel bag]
My wig fell off into a pillow [When I get restless, I sweep my bedroom floor with my hands]
My smirk is a shadow [I have stopped chasing it out windows]
My glasses have purple frames [My last pair was snapped in half by a basketball]
My village is 6,600 miles away [Distance is an illusion that I have trouble envisioning]
My arms are chubby [I eat more now that I know for sure that I’m not dying]
My nose smells horrible smells [Somebody in my apartment building was cooking green beans]
My kiss comes from a scream [Its only way out is through closed lips]
My heart is going to crack in half [I just don’t know when]
My gold tooth is knocked out [A month after I got my wisdom teeth removed, I got a jaw infection that was never medically explained]
My baseball cap hides the truth [I was never really into sports]
My name is romantic [By any other name, my temperature is always 97.9° Fahrenheit]
My thoughts are petunias [My actions are a dark green watering can]
My bra strap is a new feeling [My shoulders are perfect for cardigans]
My jaw is uneven and unassured [My teeth turn black and fall out in my dreams]
My posture is by demand [I slouch because when I stand up tall, I feel like a gorilla]
My skirt is thrown up over my head [In Delphi, I wore a green pashmina on my head, and nobody said anything about it]
My curls are fading fast [I haven’t gotten a haircut in six months]
My ambition is still, it is still to be a star [My cake-decorating career is still achievable]
My pajamas don’t fit very well [Every morning, I wake up strangled in a heap of bedsheets]
My knees hurt [There’s a railing in New Orleans that is chipped]
My little shirt matches my little shorts [Until last summer, I never wore shorts because I don’t like how my legs look]
My skin feels like a breaking vase [Its cracks, like raku, are by design]
My appearance will stress you out [My stress is that it’s not apparent]
My bikini looks dumb [I am terrified of being under water]
My shower is the least refreshing thing about it [I prefer morning baths, because I can cheat an extra 20 minutes of sleep]
My only recourse is there is no recourse [My panic became manageable when I realized I could still breathe]
My bindi has been rubbed to the side [My third eye is nearsighted]
My frown is for always [That’s just how my face looks]
My family will never see me again [My faith assures me that I will see them again someday]
My goofy jokes hide my goofy damnation [Chicago? I hardly knew her]
My ego’s excuse: “It just happened” [My blaming of others is inherited]
My tears and my drool are all the same [The blood from my nose and the blood from my mouth are both from my heart]
My fear is for one and all [My silence is violent]
My dead-end childhood is just beginning [My paleontology career is probably not achievable]
My niqab is like a rose [My thorns are invisible]
My motto is “Champagne for my real friends” [My fake friends get nothing]
My age is on a card and cannot be disputed [How old do you think I am?]
My nails will be broken [I will never stop biting my nails]
My pelvis will be broken [My machinery is nonrefundable]
My feather boa feels like the butcher shop [I was wearing an orange scarf when I decided to become a vegetarian]
My favorite band is “I don’t know” [I stopped being a vegetarian because I love chicken too much]
My complexion is flawless for hours [I woke up like this]
My awareness is the same as fainting [I am perpetually afraid of passing out]
My party is private [My personal space is invite-only]
My day has been endless [My worst fear is that I will have nothing to show for it]
My night cannot possibly go on [My night will go on, without regard and without repose]
It doesn’t matter what you think [Kneeling under faith, I pray that you find peace]
Do anything you’d like [In growing despair, I pray that you find confidence]
Because I was born dead [Hung noose of charm, loosen your grip]
And I was born to die [I won’t stop where you start]
More about: Xiu Xiu
