Andrew Bird announces new album, new tour, new shirts and ties he just bought from H&M

Andrew Bird announces new album, new tour, new shirts and ties he just bought from H&M

Well, here we are, reader… you and me… together on… teetering on the brink… of complete and total annihilation. Yes, we’re terminally approaching the year of the 2012 apocalypse. Yes, I believe the Mayans were right. Yes, I’ve started saving my urine and am slowly starting to introduce the taste of it to my taste buds and digestive system so that I can handle it when the time comes. Shit’s gonna be over in less than 12 months, man, and I don’t know about you, but I’m starting to freak out a little bit already; I just can’t take the pressure, can you? What we need is someone to calm us down. Someone who’s always handsomely attired and charmingly stubbly. Someone who routinely offers lush, delicate packages of bucolic, intricately orchestrated farm music that are lush with his own country-boy musings. Also, preferably, someone who whistles. Who can we get?

Alright, then. Call up Andrew Bird. Tell him we need him to drop his first new album since 2009’s fairly respectable Noble Beast (TMT Review). I don’t care what he calls it, really. Maybe something like Break It Yourself? Whatever. That’s fine. Just as long as he releases it by March 6 on Mom + Pop. And actually, this is kind of embarrassing, but I don’t really um, pay for music anymore… so yeah, tell him to plan a huge tour next spring or something and give the album (as well as two live EPs: Fake Conversations, which includes material recorded during Bird’s October tour, and some live cuts of the new album, which he’ll deliver in the spring) away for free to anyone who buys tickets to it. Ooh, better yet, tell him to report all that to Pitchfork so I can feel all corroborated and whatnot when I report it. Where should he tour? Oh, I don’t know. Everywhere. There’s gonna be a lot of freaked-out people out there come next year.

Break It Yourself teaser:


01.12.12 - Honolulu, HI - Hawaii Theatre
03.05.12 - London, UK - Barbican Cantre
03.06.12 - Paris, France - La Cigale
03.08.12 - Brussels, Belgium - Cirque Royal
03.09.12 - Amsterdam, Netherlands - Paradiso
03.15.12 - Dallas, TX - Majestic Theatre #
03.16.12 - New Orleans, LA - The Howlin’ Wolf #
03.17.12 - Atlanta, GA - Tabernacle #
03.19.12 - Nashville, TN - Ryman Auditorium #
03.20.12 - Columbus, OH - Southern Theatre #
03.22.12 - St. Louis, MO - The Pageant #
03.23.12 - Kansas City, MO - The Uptown Theater #
03.24.12 - Milwaukee, WI - Riverside Theater #
04.09.12 - Seattle, WA - Paramount Theatre $
04.10.12 - Vancouver, BC - The Vogue $
04.11.12 - Portland, OR - Arlene Schnitzer Concert Hall $
04.13.12 - Oakland, CA - Fox Theater $
04.18.12 - Mesa, AZ - Ikeda Theater at Mesa Arts Center $
04.19.12 - Santa Fe, NM - Lensic Performing Arts Center $
04.20.12 - Tucson, AZ - Rialto Theater $
05.03.12 - Philadelphia, PA - Union Transfer %
05.04.12 - New York, NY - Beacon Theatre %
05.05.12 - New York, NY - Beacon Theatre &
05.06.12 - Boston, MA - House of Blues %
05.08.12 - Washington, DC - 9:30 Club %
05.09.12 - Baltimore, MD - Ram’s Head Live %
05.10.12 - Detroit, MI - The Fillmore Detroit @
05.12.12 - Chicago, IL - Auditorium Theatre @

* Andrew Bird and Ian Schneller’s “Sonic Arboretum”
# Eugene Mirman
$ Laura Marling
% Patrick Watson & with Tift Merritt
@ Mucca Pazza

• Andrew Bird;
• Mom + Pop:

[Photo: Dominick Mastrangelo]

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