Apple and the Big Four Combine Revolutionary Ideas to Create a Revolution That Will Revolutionize the Concept of the Album, Name It After Shitty Tom Cruise Movie

Comrades, prepare to arms! The Revolution is finally coming! No, not a political revolution to overthrow the powers that be and redistribute the wealth amongst the people. Think bigger! Nope, not a cultural revolution to shock the status quo and replace xenophobia with new, abstract ideals. This is something important! Not even a revolution of the mind that will lift us from our bodies and take us to a state of post-human thought. Today, we speak of something much more important, a true revolution!

I am talking, brothers and sisters, about revolutionizing the album. The Financial Times reported last week that Apple (always leaders of the revolution -- didn’t you see their “Think Different” campaign?) has teamed up with the radicals at EMI, Sony Music, Warner Music, and Universal Music to create a new type of digital album, focused on “re-creating the heyday of the album when you would sit around with your friends looking at the artwork, while you listened to the music.” Remember how you used to do that? With your friends?

The album will be revolutionized by adding extra art, liner notes, lyrics, and... (cue the revolutionary anthem, probably a John Legend song) …interactive content. The project has been codenamed “Cocktail,”, so be sure to use that code word when you see others bearing the symbol of the revolution. There have also been revolutionary rumors of Apple releasing a Kindle-esque tablet-style e-book-reader that would also play music, so be sure to buy that too... if you want to stay on the forefront of the revolution!

Said Tom Cruise, communicating telepathically (he can do that, he’s OT7) from a Scientologist fortress at the center of the Earth, “The revolution will be thoroughly televised.”

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