There was a time when metal ruled the world. Not “new metal” or “proto metal,” but good ol’ pants-stuffing, blow-dried mulleted metal. This is 100% true because I was there. Heavy Metal Parking Lot might seem like a laughable farce to most now, but back in the days when we were battling for your two-pronged right to party and wearing zebra-striped spandex in public, those scenes were not only NOT ridiculous to us studs in the amplified trenches, but they were nothing more than everyday commonalities at shows and school and malls, at bush parties and backs of pickups. I wish I was joking, but it is a fact that 15-20 late-‘70s model Camaros crowded my high school parking lot every single day from grades 9 through 12. Hot damn those were the days!

Nowadays, "metal" usually involves some horse’s ass rapping over sampled beats, with bass, guitar, and drum accompaniment. Since when did it become acceptable to ignore skinny ponces with long crimped hair melting your face with blisteringly crazy solos? You doubters will see, you’ll all see, and I’ll be laughing my leathers off when Accepts' “Balls to the Wall” soundtracks a pivotal exam room sex scene on Grey's Anatomy. Yeah, uh-huh.

Okay, metal has been a tough sell for about 20 years but there are always exceptions to popular rule. Iron Maiden is still soldiering on, riding their dilapidated metal warhorse for almost 30 years now. And what’s more, they show no signs of slowing up. Metal heads, especially forerunners of big hair metal, get smeared at every opportunity, but Maiden are Maiden -- they still sell out everywhere they play, still sell millions of albums (between 70-100 million!), and hence, they have rightfully been awarded by their longtime label EMI with an extended, integrated recording, touring, merchandise, and sponsorship deal. The new contract of the beast is for everywhere, except in the United States where Sanctuary handles the band’s business.

Take it away, longtime Maiden manager Rod Smallwood:

We’ve had three tremendous decades working with EMI and have many friends there. Through many ‘regimes’ EMI have always given us their full support and our relationship with their companies worldwide has always been excellent. For a band with a global following like Maiden, who rely on fan word of mouth, touring and marketing/sales expertise as they receive little or no radio or TV support, it is key that the 100% support and implementation of our visual marketing campaigns internationally is both effective and enthusiastic and EMI and their worldwide affiliates have always fulfilled this. So with this new type of deal in place, it makes absolute sense for us to continue and extend our relationship in what is effectively a new period for the music industry.

Business journalists will be disappointed that financial details were not divulged, but you would be bang on in assuming it is worth a pretty penny considering EMI and the band have been together 28 years now (right about the time I inherited my first studded wristband from some shit-bum outside my neighborhood donut shop), and the band is one of the more consistent jewels in the company’s crown. For die-hard fans, news that the recently announced “Somewhere Back in Time 2008 World Tour” will have a setlist celebrating the band’s 1980s heyday and will feature an Egyptian-inspired stage design à la Powerslave will help to soothe the savage beast that has been screaming “Maiden has sucked since 1986!” since 1986.

“Somewhere Back in Time” but probably nowhere near you:
02.01.08 - Mumbai, India - Bandra Kurla Complex
02.04.08 - Perth, Australia - Burswood Dome
02.06.08 - Melbourne, Australia - Rod Laver Arena
02.07.08 - Melbourne, Australia - Rod Laver Arena
02.09.08 - Sydney, Australia - Acer Arena
02.10.08 - Sydney, Australia - Acer Arena
02.12.08 - Brisbane, Australia - Entertainment Centre
02.15.08 - Yokohama, Japan - Pacifico Yokohama
02.16.08 - Tokyo, Japan - Messe
02.19.08 - Los Angeles, CA - The Forum
02.21.08 - Guadalajara, Mexico - Auditoria Telmex
02.22.08 - Monterrey, Mexico - Monterrey Arena
02.24.08 - Mexico City, Mexico - Foro Sol Stadium
02.26.08 - San Jose, Costa Rica - Saprisa Stadium
02.28.08 - Bogotá, Columbia - Simon Bolivar Park
03.02.08 - Sao Paulo, Brazil - Palmeiras Stadium
03.04.08 - Curitiba, Brazil - Pedreira Paulo Leminski
03.05.08 - Porto Alegre, Brazil - Gigantinho
03.07.08 - Buenos Aires, Argentina - Ferrofcarril Oeste Stadium
03.09.08 - Santiago, Chile - Pista Atletica
03.12.08 - San Juan, Puerto Rico - San Juan Coliseo
03.14.08 - New Jersey, NJ - Izod Center
03.16.08 - Toronto, Ontario - Air Canada Centre
06.27.08 - Bologna, Italy - Arena Parco Nord (Gods Of Metal Festival)
06.29.08 - Dessel, Belgium - De Boeretand (Graspop Metal Meeting)
07.01.08 - Paris, France - Ominisport De Bercy Arena
07.02.08 - Paris, France - Ominisport De Bercy Arena
07.05.08 - London, UK - Twickenham Rugby Stadium
07.09.08 - Lisbon, Portugal - Parque do Tejo (Super Bock Super Rock Festival)
07.16.08 - Stockholm, Sweden - Stockholm Stadium
07.18.08 - Helsinki, Finland - Helsinki Olympic Stadium
07.19.08 - Tampere, Finland - Ratina Stadion
07.22.08 - Trondheim, Norway - Lerkendalstadium
07.24.08 - Oslo, Norway - Valle Hovin
07.26.08 - Gothenburg, Sweden - Ullevi Stadium
07.27.08 - Horsens, Denmark - Horsens Gods Bane Pladsen
07.31.08 - Wacken, Germany - Wachen Open Air Festival
08.02.08 - Athens, Greece - Terra Vibe Park
08.04.08 - Bucharest, Romania - Cotroceni Football Stadium
08.07.08 - Warsaw, Poland - Gwardia Stadium
08.08.08 - Prague, Czech Republic - Slavia Football Stadium
08.10.08 - Split, Croatia - Split City Stadium
08.14.08 - Basel, Switzerland - St Jakobshalle

In other news, Iron Maiden has a customized 757 named "Ed Force One":