The Darkness Are Buying a One-Way Ticket to Reunite… And Back

You guys remember The Darkness, right? Well, according to the same hype machine that caught wind of their meager talent and ridiculous personalities and blew them way out of proportion before their first album dropped (NME), there has been talk of a Darkness reunion. However, relationships within the band have never recovered since Justin's retreat into Betty Ford: Justin and brother/guitarist Dan Hawkins are not in good standing with each other, and the fact that Dan and drummer Ed Graham are suing the band's management over missing cash makes this all the more crippling. There are also no known attempts to contact Frankie Poullain, their original bassist, who walked away during the recording of One Way Ticket To Hell... And Back. In fact, the only reason it's even being mentioned is because some rich festival guy has an offer on the table.

Regardless of how flimsy this "news" is, allow me to go ahead and join the massive preemptive wave of "please gawd, no." Don't even think about it, guys. Cheeseball cock rock with Quiet Riot guitars, inappropriate hair, and a nasally douchebag lead singer is on the outs, and the irony that fueled the adoration of gold-crusted one-pieces and piercing falsettos is nowhere near recharged. Even the Kings Of Leon got haircuts, followed by their first record in the Billboard Top 10, and their music isn't even accidentally humorous (or amusing at all, for that matter). Give it at least another lifetime. Besides, the remains of The Darkness already reformed as Stone Gods, and Justin is currently pimping a comical new band called Hot Leg. It's best for everyone if you just admit your five minutes is up.

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