Eagles of Death Metal and A Few Shitty Bands Contribute to Denny’s Rockstar Menu, Recipe for Moons Over My Sammy Hagar Remains Fatal

It’s 3 AM and you are at Denny’s. You are not happy about it. You wanted to go to the delectable (and much cheaper) diner just 10 more measly minutes down the highway. But noooo, your sober ride objected, and now here you are at Denny’s, sharing Grand Slams with clove cigarette-sucking middle-school kids and the unemployable. You’ve nearly given up hope on humanity, but one burning question keeps you from cashing in your chips right then and there: What would Taking Back Sunday order if they were here?

Well, that would be the “Taking Back Bacon Burger Fries,” of course! Unfortunately, that isn’t a joke. In one of the least appetizing instances of corporate crossover promotion ever, Denny’s, in association with Dr. Pepper, presents the Rockstar Menu, now available at all Denny’s locations between 10 PM and 5 AM. Are you in the mood for Plain White Ts’ unsurprisingly dull, overpriced milkshake? No? Perhaps The All-American Rejects’ stellar contribution of gravy covered stoner slop is more your style? Whether it’s the cholesterol or the shame, you’re guaranteed to leave sick to your stomach!

Besides those stupid musicians, Electric Boots from Eagles of Death Metal leant a hand in his own heart-shaped concoction, but not even a death metal eagle can save my stomach from the inevitable indigestion this sordid marketing scheme brings.

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