Well, that was RUDE. Here I am, reading an article on farming subsidies, minding my own dang business, when all of Frankie Cosmos — Greta Kline, Lauren Martin, Luke Pyneson, and Alex Bailey, rest assured this was a full band effort — suddenly kick open my door with a startling crash. So jolting, my toupée just about slid down the front of my face. Gosh darn ticked off doesn’t even begin to describe my mood.
Then, they have the audacity to tell ME “Close It Quietly on September 6 via Sub Pop!?” What in the ever-loving heck?
First of all: I’ll definitely be closing the door from now on — can’t have no nosy neighbors busting up my daily routine — and frankly, I’m so heated, yeah, I’M GONNA SLAM IT SHUT, LOUDLY! (Also, what is a “Sub Pop?” Do I need to block their number on my flip phone?)
They left a scrap of paper here too… Oh wow, tour dates, cool. Yeah I’ll throw those down below so all of you can attend one of Frankie Cosmos’ shows and give them a good talking to on my behalf!
Looks like they also left some sort of link to a video titled “Windows” — presumably a secretly recorded video of me getting “owned” — as well as some graphic artwork captioned “Close It Quietly, followed by a list of 21 words, maybe clues to where they’ll strike next. Those will be down below too so you know what to look out for, for your own peace of mind. Never hurts to be vigilant.
And yeah, I guess if you happen to find your door ajar in a few months, Close It Quietly on September 6 via Sub Pop. Here’s the last thing they left me, something called a “pre-order link” which you can apparently find right here, wherever the hell that is???
Close It Quietly
01. Moonsea
02. Cosmic Shop
03. 41st
04. So Blue
05. A Joke
06. Rings (On A Tree)
07. Actin’ Weird
08. Windows
09. Never Would
10. Self-destruct
11. Wannago
12. I’m It
13. Trunk Of A Tree
14. Last Season’s Textures
15. Even Though I Knew
16. UFO
17. Marbles
18. Did You Find
19. A Hit
20. With Great Purpose
21. This Swirling
Dates and locations around the world where you can find Frankie Cosmos:
09.18.19 — Boston, MA — Royale
09.19.19 — Burlington, VT — Arts Riot
09.20.19 — Montreal, QC — L’Astral
09.21.19 — Toronto, ON — Horseshoe Tavern
09.22.19 — Detroit, MI — Deluxx Fluxx
09.23.19 — Chicago, IL — Thalia Hall
09.25.19 — Columbus, OH — Ace of Cups
09.26.19 — Pittsburgh, PA — Spirit Hall
09.27.19 — Washington, DC — Black Cat
09.28.19 — Philadelphia, PA — PhilaMOCA
09.29.19 — New York, NY — Webster Hall
10.08.19 — Munich, DE — Heppel & Ettlich
10.09.19 — Vienna, AT — Chelsea
10.10.19 — Prague, CZ — Underdogs’
10.11.19 — Cologne, DE — MTC
10.12.19 — Luxembourg, LU — Rotondes
10.13.19 — Amsterdam, NL — Bitterzoet
10.14.19 — Paris, FR — Badaboum
10.15.19 — Reims, FR — La Cartonnerie
10.16.19 — Brighton, UK — The Haunt
10.17.19 — Bristol, UK — Exchange
10.19.19 — Leeds, UK — Belgrave Music Hall
10.20.19 — Sheffield, UK — Delicious Clam
10.21.19 — Manchester, UK — Night & Day
10.22.19 — London, UK — Islington Assembly Hall
10.31.19 — Portland, OR — Wonder Ballroom
11.01.19 — Tacoma, WA — Alma Mater
11.02.19 — Vancouver, BC — Hollywood Theatre
11.03.19 — Seattle, WA — Laser Dome @ Pacific Science Center
11.07.19 — Denver, CO — Bluebird Theater
11.08.19 — Denver, CO — Larimer Lounge
11.10.19 — Tucson, AZ — Hotel Congress
11.12.19 — Anaheim, CA — Chain Reaction
11.13.19 — San Diego, CA — Che Cafe
11.15.19 — Los Angeles, CA — 1720
11.16.19 — Berkeley, CA — The UC Theatre
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