The Legendary Pink Dots Plan Nationwide Tour and New Album in October; The Unremarkable Pink Dots Eat Cold SpaghettiO’s in the Dark and Wonder Where They Went Wrong

It really bothers me that Britney Spears is pop music’s current craziest individual. Even though she’s little more than white trash with a Bentley, Brit-Brit has had the world transfixed for years with positively zany antics like not wearing underpants, driving poorly, and shaving her head, making it downright sad that the rap sheet of America’s premier loony reads like the reasons why some pimply junior varsity wrestler got grounded for the weekend. But worst of all, with the dawn of her latest VMA-driven comeback, Britney suddenly isn’t crazy anymore! Apparently she was going through a rough patch and now she’s back on track. Jesus Christ, I hate it when I get ripped off by some asshole who was already ripping me off in the first place!

That’s why I love The Legendary Pink Dots. I know that no matter how many years pass, no matter how many albums they release, no matter how many universes they visit and conquer, Edward Ka-Spel and company will never cease to be batcrap insane. Ka-Spel (a.k.a. Prophet Qa-Spel a.k.a. Che Banana a.k.a. D'Archangel) will never fail to spin me a wonderful tale about how some gnome keeps stealing his hat, why tooth enamel prevents most humans from becoming self-actualized, or how the real number of the beast is 834 (that one is actually true). It’s nice not having to worry about The Legendary Dots suddenly becoming sane since I know it’ll never happen, and in a world corrupted by normalcy, it’s nice to have something like that to depend on .

The Britain-born but Dutch-bred Dots’ crusade of crazy will march upon the world with their new album Plutonium Blonde, particularly the bizarreness bereaved USA on their upcoming American tour. The record is slated for October 7, and the tour will follow a little more than a week later. Don’t worry, the whole mess will be an assuredly wacky affair, just what this country deserves.

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