Smooth Move Exlax!! The Decemberists Release Singles Series

Remember that one time you thought you were clever and talented? Remember the time that a member of The Decemberists one-upped you in a game of darts and then boinked your girlfriend/boyfriend? It really is true that there are always people cooler than you -- and they go by the motherfucking Decemberists!

This fall, Meloy & the Butchers will release Always The Bridesmaid: A Singles Series on cool and trendy formats, like 12-inch vinyl (via Y.A.B.B. Records/Jealous Butcher Records) and digital (via non-indie label Capitol Records). The first of the three volumes, featuring "Valerie Plame" and "O New England," will be released October 14, with the former track making its live debut November 3 on Late Night with Conan O'Brien. Meanwhile, the second and third volumes of Bridesmaid will be released November 4 and December 2, respectively.

If that isn't cool enough for you, prepare for some blue-ass balls/a wet vag: fans who pre-order all three singles through the band's website will receive a limited-edition version on colored vinyl! The vinyl will also be available at select independent retail stores (go here to find out where).

The Decemberists have also scheduled select U.S. dates for this November, with details to be revealed through speakers at Urban Outfitters. Also, the band is currently finishing up work on their new full-length with Tucker Martine. Wow, they've thought of it all, huh? They already blew my fat face out of the water. I mean, this single series beats the shit out of my "Banjo-vi" project (a collection of Bon Jovi covers played on various banjos), and my screenplay, Tremors: The Musical, doesn't even hold a candle to playing live on Conan O'Brien.

At least no one from The Decemberists could write a news story on my life (a challenge?). Eat skittle-infested shit, Meloy!

Always The Bridesmaid: A Singles Series tracklist:

Volume I:

Side A: "Valerie Plame"

Side B: "O New England"

Volume II:

Side A: "Days of Elaine"

Side B: "Days of Elaine (long)" / "I'm Sticking With You"

Volume III:

Side A: "Record Year"

Side B: "Raincoat Song"

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