Sony pulls penis out early, removes catalog from SoundCloud

Sony pulls penis out early, removes catalog from SoundCloud

Imagine if corporations had penises. Now imagine Sony having a romantic dinner with SoundCloud at Buca di Beppo (Times Square), where they discuss negotiations to allow users to collect royalties. Happy with the convo, Sony popped a little blue pill in the bathroom before snorting two lines. Just two! Back at dinner, SoundCloud brings up plans for a subscription service with Warner Music Group. Sony screams, “Those fucking, guys!,” causing the waiter to not ask if they want dessert.

Later that night, Sony is totally raw dawgin’ SoundCloud at the Lake Placid Red Roof Inn (Groupon discount). SoundCloud was crying, apologizing for challenges that occurred with the company’s new copyright software. Sony is all like, “Say the names!” SoundCloud, byting (computer pun) its lower lip, wails, “Adele! Miguel! Ohhhh…Passion Pit!”

“Yes, yes, yes!”

SoundCloud notices a shadowy figure siting in the corner, smoking a Mark Cuban cigar. It’s Jay Z! He gives a “jigga what” nod, and throws a TIDAL t-shirt onto the dresser. Sony then pulls its dick out, shooting green jizz all over the bedpost Velvet Elvis, the jizz spelling out “GOTCHA!” Sony exclaims, “We’re taking our artists off your service because you lack monetization opportunities.” And that was the sexy story of Sony and SoundCloud. Ballsy move!

• SoundCloud:
• Sony:

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