Terra Firma Boss Guy Hands “Tags” Out, “Hands” Reigns Over to Tim Pryce, “Fingers” New Position for Himself, “Grasps” Severity of… Well, You See What We’re Getting At, Right?

It’s a sad day for every irreverent music news publication in the biz. Guy Hands, the man with one of the most lampoon-able fucking names in history, is stepping out of his 7-year day-to-day management role as chairman and chief executive officer of Terra Firma (owner of EMI Music) for a new role at the private equity firm, leaving many critics, writers, and music gadflies asking: “Who’s name am I going to make fun of now?”

Hands is tagging-out to become Group Chairman and Chief Investment Officer in order to fully concentrate on those duties, and he will be handing-off that good old day-to-day responsibility for Terra Firma’s operations to the much less-garishly named Tim Pryce (I know: “booo,” right?), who will become the new Chief Executive. Hands will now use his hands to handle Firma's investments, investors, and the strategic development of its business internationally. Tim Pryce was a founder member of Terra Firma, worked with Guy Hands at Nomura, and is a member of Terra Firma's investment advisory and remuneration committees. I hear they were also in the same Frat together in college or something...

"Having worked closely with Tim for nine years, I am delighted that he has agreed to take up this position,” Hands remarked over his shoulder in an interview while hastily stuffing duffle bags full of cash. “He will make an excellent CEO of Terra Firma. Tim has been an integral part of Terra Firma since its formation and has done an outstanding job in his previous roles at the firm.”

Meanwhile, Tim What’s-His-Name has similarly remarked that he is “delighted to take on this role. Guy has built one of the leading private equity groups in Europe in a very short space of time which now manages and invests money on behalf of institutions all over the world. I look forward to making sure that the organization works optimally in supporting Terra Firma's global investment and fundraising activities and to continuing to work with Guy on developing the business."

So there you have it. Everyone at Terra Firma is “delighted,” and we’re out some serious hand-joke punnage. Oh, and Guy Hands doesn’t have to suffer that large disgrace of captaining that ship when it goes down anymore. Three cheers for Guy Hands. No, wait; make that three high-fives.

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