"It sux about them changing TMNT, as well as the fact that they are changing Bugs Bunny is a sin! Hello! Can't these people just create entirely new characters?? Why does everything have to be 'NEW AND IMPROVED?'" -Coolingobsidian, on the starpulse.com message board about the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon
"Jesus, are people just not interesting in buying used records anymore?" -Brian Hellman, in the Chunklet Issue 19 review of why Blueberry Boat is overrated
I wet the bed a couple of months ago. No drugs or alcohol in my system. No scary nightmare. No excuse. I woke up at 5 a.m., peeing in my bed as my eyes opened. I'm peeing. I'm peeing, I thought. Oh shit, I'm peeing. But I couldn't stop. I kept peeing as I arose out of sleep until I was completely soaked. I took my sweatpants and bed sheets up to the laundry room and slept the rest of the night on the ground of my room. I haven't really told anybody about that night yet. I'm in college; I shouldn't be pissing my bed. But I figure I'd mention it here because I'd tell the Dont's. Whatever this band don'ts, they certainly don't sound like mean dudes. They sound like a really fun band, one that would hear my pee-pee story and throw me a beer before telling me not to have too many before going to bed. "Haha. Very funny, the Dont's," I would say. "Maybe I'll sleep in the Dont's bed tonight!" And then the Dont's would all whoop and holler and...
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Well, regardless of how much fun they sound, these guys sound like Can meets the Replacements. Let's all salivate for a moment. That's a pretty incredible thing to state, especially since those names may signify two of the most important rock bands of all time. But on "Little Doggie Chew" and opener "It All Falls Apart," the kraut groove trances while pub rock guitars shatter over Jonny Dont's Westerberged vocals. The band even has the vocals mixed low in homage to the egoless Can sound, but they don't let that stop them from rocking out at the appropriate power trash moments.
The question is, do we need this? Don't we already have Can and the Replacements? What makes the Dont's worth listening to? Because Can and the Replacements are also two bands that released gobs of great work. We're not really hurting for more from each band. We have a lot to digest from both of those superpowers. I asked myself that question long and hard while listening to this debut LP, wondering what made their interpretation of two amazing influences unique and vital.
And I think it comes down to the band interplay, something necessary for great krautrock and pub rock. In fact, it's amazing no one has melded these genres as well before. Both require everyone to be on the same page and working toward the same mindless sound, whether it is repetitive grooves or crushing power pop. And the Dont's sound like a band, in the full sense of the word. The instruments all work together, twisting and turning behind and in front of each other to accentuate their own sparse brand of beer-fueled groove music. Jonny Don't, Joey Don't, JJ Don't, and Kenny Don't all sound like they practice hours a day and have culled this debut LP, misc radio leakage, from countless improvised sessions (which they have). Like I said earlier, they sound like fun.
There are two fateful miscues on the album, however. The boys start having too much fun at times, and the songs with funny names, "Kissing Mom" and "Trade You For Drugs," don't go anywhere past their titles. But every other song is built on a sweet kraut-groove and excellent guitar noise. "Little Doggie Chew" even contains one of the funniest moment in a rock song since Mclusky's last album. Jonny Don't proclaims that his band loves themselves and the rest of the Dont's chime in with a bored and disaffected, "We love ourselves." It's magic, and then the song flops back into the rocking chorus. It makes me almost wet myself. Almost. Almost.
1. It All Falls Apart
2. Endorphina
3. Sissy Resist
4. The Kids Are Coming
5. Just Good Fractious
6. Little Doggie Chew
7. Kissing Mom
8. Best Behavior
9. Die Empire
10. Trade You For Drugs
More about: The Dont's
