“Beachles” Mash-Up Creator Becomes World’s Richest Man Overnight; EMI Merely the Innocent Victim of His Insatiable Desire for Power

Poor, poor EMI. All they try to do is give music to the people, and heartless thieves like "Clayton" of claytoncounts.com try and take it all away. You think you're so cool, Clayton? Trying to make a mash-up of Sgt. Pepper's and Pet Sounds? Trying to release it on your website? "The Beachles"? Bet you thought that was a pretty clever name, huh? I bet you wish all music could be made with only a hammer and sickle, don't you Clayton? Shameful. And to think that you made money doing it really makes me -

Oh, wait, it was all released for free on his website? He actually didn't make any money? Oh, well, whatever... just think about all the money EMI is going to lose from this! That's what sucks about being the CEO of a major company. Everyone thinks it's all glitz and glamour. Not so. You can't catch any tax cuts from the government, you can't get laid, and everyone's going around taking your commodities and mashing it all up. I say suing this "Clayton" for $30 million is just a drop in the bucket of what needs to be done -

Oh, wait, in EMI's lawsuit, they also want the IPs of every individual who downloaded it? The dates and times they were downloaded, as well as the number of times each IP downloaded the mash-up? Umm, I guess that's cool, too. Taking it a step farther. Reeeallly teaching these people a lesson. I'm sure you all remember what happened when The Grey Album came out, in protest of EMI's wishes. Ever since its release, no one has bought The White Album or The Black Album. And more than likely, no one will, ever again.

In a perfect world, of course, an EMI board member would be able to stand over all of our shoulders every time we sat down at a computer and would flick our ears when we tried to download or copy any music. But hey, we have to make due with what we got. That's why we need to nip this one in the bud and support EMI's totally legitimate and necessary $30 million lawsuit against one man. If we can just do that, then we are one step closer to our ultimate goal: that one day, people, one sweet day, music will be completely organized, regulated, and sterile.

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