Belligerent Brits Block Beck’s Beautifully Bronzed Bizooty

Although most people have been finding the packaging for Beck's new album "innovative," "unique," or "whatever," the UK's Official Chart Company (OCC) has chosen to describe it as "unfair." The Information [TMT review] was released in the UK on Monday and features a blank cover which can then be customized using either one's own feces or an included sticker sheet. The album also includes a bonus DVD with remarkably unremarkable videos for every song. Presumably, these extras were included to give people another incentive to actually purchase the album, which is the kind of sensible marketing strategy that should get all money-grubbing, suit-wearing fatties excited.

Not so, in the land of the spotted dick. The OCC has ruled that Beck's new album is not eligible to be listed on any UK charts. The reason they give is that The Information has an "unfair advantage" due to its inclusion of bonus material. It has been speculated that the underlying reason for this ruling is that the OCC's Koosh basketball hoop broke and they needed to vent.

A valid point is indeed brought up, however, about Beck's new cover art. When I'm browsing through my local record shoppe, the first thing I notice about a CD is what's on the cover. Now, I might plausibly be reaching over for a stack of Oasis CDs when what will catch my eye and redirect my purchase but the CD with the completely blank cover. Now, that's just wrong. Time to play by the rules, Beck.

The OCC is currently planning a follow-up campaign to pull The Information off the shelves entirely, due to it containing an unreasonable number of "pleasing rhythms."

Indie Rock Draft Results In: Weiss To Jicks, Bolme To Quasi, Newsom To Raiders

Hey, college boy! This'll make you sit up in your '70s office chair and push your horn-rimmed glasses (with one arm taped on) back up your nose. Janet Weiss, drummer for sadly defunct college rock band Sleater-Kinney, has taken on drumming duties with non-defunct college rock band The Jicks! But, in some kind of bonus-value-added trade, the reason she's joining college rock band The Jicks is because John Moen, ex-drummer with college rock band The Jicks, has joined college rock band The Decemberists!

Don't forget that Janet Weiss is still drumming with college-rock band Quasi. And, and, and, Joanna Bolme, bassist with college rock band The Jicks, has taken to joining college rock band Quasi on tour.

Janet Weiss, ex-drummer for college rock band Sleater-Kinney and now drummer with college rock band The Jicks, had this to say: "Steve [Malkmus, leader of college rock band The Jicks] has got a bunch of ballsy new songs. I'm enjoying getting inside a new and very different brain, trying to find the drum parts that suit his creativity. I appreciate how far out and wild he gets with his playing, and look forward to forging into some new territory." Wild? Far-out? I can only assume that the next Jicks album is going to be a radical selection of totally tubular surf-rock licks.

If you're still confused about all the a-movin' and the a-shakin', check out the useful diagram below. Print it off! Put it in your pocket! Impress your friends with your handy knowledge!

SNL Audition? What Can’t Chan Marshall Do? Oh Yeah… Take Care of Herself… (Just Kidding, Cattie! I’ll Buy Ya a Snickers Bar!)

Chan Marshall recently told the New York Times that she is planning to audition for Saturday Night Live. She looks like she has the power to play a driving cat to me!

"Honey, you won't believe it! Chan can drive a car!"

"What? Really?"

"See, I told you she could drive!"

"Chan! Lookout!"

CRASH!!!

"I Thought you said she could drive?"

"Well I thought she could, I saw her messing around with the steering wheel and I guess I just assumed she could drive..."

"It's okay honey, anybody would think that"

"Hey look, there she goes again."

"I guess she can drive!"

"Yeah, just not very well..."

CRASH!!!

Aww... she broke Matador's leg.

Well, now our lovable Chan is back on track, no longer chasing spirits with sage. She is already done with her next album, Sun, which will feature a few James Brown and Billie Holliday covers. Oh, and Matador Records is planning to re-release The Greatest with a new cover! YES I LOVE TO LOOK AT NEW THINGS!!! She has also received an offer to star in the first English project by Hong Kong-based director Wong Kar-wai. The flick's called My Blueberry Nights and she would be playing Jude Law's ex-lover. Apparently, Kar-wai makes the whole cast listen to The Greatest before shooting it. Sweet. I heard they did the same thing for Open Season. Looks like things are looking up for Cat Power!

Live from the following venues... it's music!!!

10.28.06 - Las Vegas, NV - Vegoose Festival @#$%
11.01.06 - London, UK - Roundhouse @
11.03.06 - Amsterdam, NL - Paradiso @
11.04.06 - Brussels, BE - Ancienne Belgique @
11.05.06 - Paris, FR - Grand Rex @
11.06.06 - Berlin, Germany - Volksbuhne @
11.07.06 - Zurich, Switzerland - Kaufleuten @
11.09.06 - New York, NY - Avery Fisher Hall (Bob Dylan Tribute) *^
11.16.06 - Memphis, TN - New Daisy Theatre @
11.17.06 - Asheville, NC - The Orange Peel @
11.18.06 - Athens, GA - 40 Watt Club @
11.19.06 - Carboro, NC - Cat's Cradle @
11.20.06 - Washington, DC - 930 Club (early show) @
11.22.06 - Toronto, ONT - Phoenix Concert Club @
11.23.06 - Montreal, QUE - Metropolis @
11.25.06 - Los Angeles, CA - Orpheum Theatre @
11.26.06 - San Fracisco, CA - Fillmore (early show) @
11.26.06 - San Francisco, CA - Fillmore (late show) @
11.28.06 - Seattle, WA - Showbox @
11.29.06 - Vancouver, BC - Commodore (early show) @
12.02.06 - Barcelona, Spain - Primavera Club CCIB
12.07.06 - Rennes, FR - Transmusicale Festival &?

@ w/ Memphis Rhythm Band... yeah
# w/ Tom Petty... haha, what?
$ w/ Widespread Panic... haha, what?
% w/ The Killers... haha, what?
* w/ Patti Smith... bad ass!!!
^ w/ Phillip Glass... holy what?!?!
& w/ Judah Bauer (JSBX)... no comment really
? w/ Jim White (Dirty Three) ... that guy should really change his name. I thought he was Jack White and I almost bought myself a Coke before I realized my mistake.

Universal Announces Plan to Replace the Word “Band” with “Brand”; Big Brother Calls the Move “Doubleplusgood”; Et Tu, Of Montreal?

I was watching TV the other night when I noticed one of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. It wasn't Famine or War. Hell, I see those guys every day, so that's not even news. No, it was a little-known harbinger of the judgment about the befall us — a guy called "bastardized version of an Of Montreal song in an Outback Steakhouse commercial." Come on, don't pretend you don't watch TV. You saw it, too, and, like me, you wondered whether someone had slipped some acid into your Diet Coke. Well, instead of flipping my Electric Kool-Aid shit, I just Googled "Of Montreal" and "Outback Steakhouse" — terms that, combined, should probably never yield any results. Stereogum confirmed that I wasn't tripping but couldn't explain why the designs on my wallpaper were moving. So fine, yeah, whatever; Kevin Barnes thought it was funny. Of Montreal can do no wrong. I'm trying to forget that I ever saw it.

It's getting pretty difficult to put it out of my mind, though, now that I've realized what the horseman was warning us about. Apparently, our pals at Universal, a.k.a. the world's biggest music company, feel like they're not getting enough mileage out of the term "selling out." Universal will team up with advertising company WPP to form a music and marketing behemoth they're calling "BrandAmp." I guess they figured that the cool thing that all the kids are doing is combining two words without a space in between them. You know... MySpace; YouTube. This shit can't fail. As currently conceived, the project would allow advertisers direct access to Universal's back catalog, with plans in the works to involve other artists and record labels in the future. It makes one wonder whether any of Universal's artists are going to make some noise about this. Certainly anyone signed to the world's fattest-ass record company is no MDC, but this is a pretty huge violation. I mean, please, someone defend my right not to hear PJ Harvey hawking for Wet Seal and Jurassic 5 convincing me to eat at the Olive Garden!

Well, at least we can find some solace in the words of Lucian Grainge, head of Universal's international division. "This new venture makes sense on many levels," he said. "It brings together two creative communities which are driven by innovation and imagination." Ohhh, that's right. Universal and some advertising company are "creative communities." They're practically artists' communes! And all they're doing is getting together to do a little dance, make a little love, and get down tonight. Sheesh, and here I was thinking that this was just some crass corporate bullshit. Thanks, Lucian. I feel a lot better now.

Fall Tour For Unnamed Gay Matmos Fan

This autumn, get ready for the tour that some critics have been calling:

"A true classic not to be missed!"

"One of the most rewarding tours of the year!"

"A nail-biting thriller that doesn't let go until the final note!"

Set in the year 2033 after an ecological cataclysm has devastated the land and left water as the most rare and precious resource, Matmos' October Tour stars a talented and diverse group of musicians, including: Drew Daniel as the ruthless head of the Department of Water, Martin Schmidt as a half-man/half-kangaroo mutant that lacks a moral compass, and Lori Petty in the title role as "Tank Girl." Watch as the smart, sexy, and outspoken members of Matmos share their irreverent humor and flaunt their renegade spirit to the delight of audiences nationwide.

Catch the fever today!!!

10.05.06 - Chicago, IL - Cassidy Theater #
10.06.06 - Columbus, OH - Wexner Center #
10.07.06 - Pittsburgh, PA - Andy Warhol Museum #
10.08.06 - Toronto, ON - Music Gallery #
10.09.06 - Toronto, ON - Music Gallery #
10.10.06 - Montreal, QC - Le National #
10.11.06 - Philadelphia, PA - International House #
10.12.06 - Boston, MA - Museum of Fine Arts # %
10.13.06 - New York, NY - Thalia Theater at Symphony Space #
10.14.06 - New York, NY - Thalia Theater at Symphony Space #
10.17.06 - Los Angeles, CA - Jensen Rec Center ^
10.18.06 - San Francisco, CA - Great American Music Hall ^
10.20.06 - Portland, OR - Holocene ^
10.21.06 - Seattle, WA - Triple Door ^

# w/ So Percussion
% w/ Keith Fullerton Whitman
^ w/ Walter Kitundu

Shugo Tokumaru to Take Concept of “European Tour” to NEXT LEVEL

Everyone's favorite European history buff will be returning this fall with a European tour. How perfect, right? Shugo Tokumaru will retrace Napoleon Bonaparte's exact steps across the continent, complete with bloody military defeat at Waterloo and exile on the isle of Elba when the tour is over. Furthermore, Shugo will be wearing 19th-century French military uniforms for every show, crossing treacherous terrain from gig to gig on a white horse. To top it all off, he is having reconstructive surgery to shorten himself to 5'2", the rumored height of the French king. Best of luck Shugo, and stay the hell away from Russia!

THIS JUST IN: The surgery, I'm afraid, has gone terribly, terribly wrong. Instead of Napoleon Bonaparte, the surgeon made him look exactly like... oh, Jesus Christ.... Napoleon Dynamite. No worries, this could be fun. Haha, hey Shugo, I caught you a delicious bass... oh, too soon? That was insensitive, and I apologize.

Well, whichever Napoleon he looks like, I'm sure his expansive pop — especially the stuff he plays from his last album, L.S.T. — will still be top notch:

10.19.06 - Tarragona, Spain - Scumm
10.20.06 - Castellon, Spain - Teatre Conino Gurillo
10.21.06 - Barcelona, Spain - Niu
10.24.06 - Evreux, France - L'abordage
10.25.06 - St. Brieuc, France - La Passerelle
10.26.06 - Boulognes Billancourt, France - Festival BBMiX
10.27.06 - Dijon, France - Festival Novosonic
10.28.06 - Nantes, France - Le Lieu Unique
10.29.06 - Bordeaux, France - L'INCA
11.01.06 - Malmo, Sweden - Inkonst
11.02.06 - Stockholm, Sweden - Debaser
11.03.06 - Gothenborg, Sweden - Pustervik
11.04.06 - Copenhagen, Denmark - Rust
11.07.06 - Paris, France - Studio de l'hermitage

  

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