Cat Power has left something special in the litter box for you: A fresh new live EP!

Before I go on to tell you about the live EP that Cat Power has released on iTunes, I must get something off my chest.

I'll just let the "cat" out of the bag. I hate cats. Cats have ruined my life. Now don't jump to the conclusion that this is off-topic or irrelevant. This is an issue that must be addressed by using a sequential timeline beginning with my birth.

August 14, 1985 - Due to a simple mistake, my dad drives my mom to the wrong hospital when she goes into labor. It just so happens to be an animal hospital. After a veterinarian named "Shelly" poorly delivers me, I am forced to stay the night in cage surrounded by several hissing cats. It was that night that the cats created an official pecking order against me, and from that day forth I was on every cat's hit list.

December 25, 1991 - My drunken uncle Ol' Dirty Bastard surprises me with a kitten for Christmas. My face bright with joyful anticipation that a puppy would jump out of the little cardboard box is blown up in smoke when the box is just full of not one, but three dead kittens. Ol' Dirty forgot to put air holes in the box like usual. Of course, I am horrified, but I'm more disappointed that I didn't get a puppy.

April 3, 1993 - Cat Stevens's tour bus breaks down in front of our house. After his roadies eat a nice home-cooked meal with my family, Cat comes with me to my room. He says, "Hey kid, have you ever tripped?" After the night that I dropped acid with Cat Stevens, I began a disruptive downward spiral into "hardcore" drugs and impregnating various women. This lasted until I turned eight, and I got a hysterectomy after my fourth child was born.

February 17, 1996 - My parents announce to me that they are having a divorce while I am watching an episode of Dr. Katz. They also tell me that they don't like me very much, and my uncle gains full custody over me. That night, I cried so hard that my tears ran all the way down to my testicles. My testicles shriveled until they disappeared, and I haven't seen them since.

April 5, 1998 - My uncle legally changes his name to Big Baby Jesus.

October 31, 1999 - After debating for weeks over catsup vs. ketchup, my friend Alex goes on a shooting rampage at our school. Good thing I didn't go to school on that day!!!!

September 11, 2001 - I have a job in New York City as a delivery man for a catnip company called "Hey, It's like Crack for Cats!" While parked in an alley, a gang of badass cats bombard me with threatening hisses. The cats rape me and scar me for life. It is the worst event that happens on that day, and my story is all
over the news.

So...... maybe now you can see I am slightly shaken by Cat Power. However, I know that Cat Power is really Chan Marshall. I can also infer that she is one nice lady when sober. So without further delay, let me say that I don't hate all cats.

As of now, the four-track, live session EP is only exclusively available on iTunes. If there is one thing that I don't hate, it would be giving all of my money to iTunes. Like Marshall has done before, there are three covers and an acoustic version of "Love and Communication" from her latest effort, The Greatest [TMT Review].

Tracklisting (Meow!!!):
1. Love And Communication (Acoustic Version)
2. House Of The Rising Sun
3. Wild Is The Wind
4. Who Knows Where The Time Goes

I'm all out of cat jokes. Remaining dates:

09.12.06 - Atlanta, GA - Variety Playhouse*
09.13.06 - Chicago, IL - Vic Theatre*
09.15.06 - Austin, TX - Austin City Limits Music Festival*
09.16.06 - Dallas, TX - Gypsy Ballroom*
09.17.06 - Austin, TX - Stubb's BBQ*
09.20.06 - Mexico City, Mexico - Venustiano Carranza 25 (solo)
11.01.06 - London, UK - Roundhouse*
11.03.06 - Amsterdam, NL - Paradiso*
11.04.06 - Brussels, BEL - Ancienne Belgique*
11.05.06 - Paris, FR - Grand Rex
11.07.06 - Zurich, Switzerland - Kaufleuten
11.09.06 - New York City, NY - Avery Fisher Hall (solo)#

* with Memphis Rhythm Band
# Bob Dylan tribute with Patti Smith and Phillip Glass

Dinosaur Jr Get Ganked Like A Week Ago; Get Bombarded With Emails From Fans Who Are, Like, Really Concerned They Won’t Have a Concert at Which to Show Off Their New Flannel

Dear Whoever is Currently Thrashing a '61 Fender Jazzmaster and Pretending to Be J Mascis:

Great job. No, seriously, I bet you've got a ticker-tape parade in the streets of Brooklyn in your honor. Ripping off Dinosaur Jr is really one of the most rock 'n' roll jobs you could have possibly done. Hell, maybe if you'd told them about it beforehand, they would have congratulated you on your disrespect for authority and actually given you all the gear they've lovingly collected over the years.

Except for the fact that Dinosaur Jr bear little resemblance to anything even closely related to the so-called "Man," and you don't actually know how to shred an axe. Just coke. With strings from a B.C. Rich Warlock bass. Wow, how could I have been so stupid!? Everyone knows razorblades are like, so 1978.

I take it all back. Upon further introspection, it's obvious that you really, really needed a trailer's worth of equipment from Dinosaur Jr. I know you just don't have the patience to wait for Shakira's upcoming set at Madison Square Garden. Besides, her gear is totally beat. You made the right choice.

Love & Mace

heidi vanderslice

Dinosaur Jr Get Ganked Like A Week Ago; Get Bombarded With Emails From Fans Who Are, Like, Really Concerned They Won’t Have a Concert at Which to Show Off Their New Flannel

For those of you who thought there was already enough information about The Beatles out there – you were wrong! Just in time for Part 2 of my article on the Genius of Yoko, Mrs. Lennon herself has opened up her archives to documentary filmmakers David Leaf (who was also involved with America: A Tribute to Heroes in 2001 and John Scheinfeld for a new endeavour called The U.S. vs. John Lennon).

The film will take place between 1966 and 1972, the years when the Lennonos were very busy campaigning for Peace, with events such as their "Bed In" or "Bag Peace." Of course, we all know how much the United States loves the idea of Peace, so you probably get the picture as to what the tension was like between various U.S. Government officials and the newlyweds. For those who aren't familiar with the story, John Lennon faced many hurdles in his attempt to obtain U.S. citizenship. Apparently, Elvis wasn't too keen on the Peacemaker residing in his country and was out to ensure The Beatles collective were nowhere near it. Poor Presley didn't realize that the only thing Ringo was capable of was an atrocity, such as his cover of Hoyt Axton's "No No Song."

In a press conference regarding the film, Yoko stated, "Of all the documentaries that have been made about John, this is the one he would have loved." With footage culled from the couple's home movies and various incomplete cinefilm, the film will be one to watch out for. The U.S. vs. John Lennon is being shown at the Toronto Film Festival today and will open in New York on September 15. It will get a wider U.S. release on September 29.

The Astounding Juana Molina Set To Astound Across The Country

Early reports indicate that especially talented singer/songwriter Juana Molina may easily capture the coveted best-album-of-the-year award once the lists start rolling in just a few months from now; some even start as early as next month compiling, editing, listing, re-editing. It's big fun and even better trying to figure out which well-known websites and/or taste-makers will put what where and why. Molina's Son [TMT Review] is an astounding grab bag of a record, with something for every taste, all covered and smothered in Molina's sometimes soothing sometimes crooning seasoned vocal exercises.

Molina is even better in a live setting (even in pits, like smoky, funky Midwest bars) and will prove it beginning next month with a healthy set of shows spread out across the country with even a few stops up north. The tour will see support from UK folkie Adem, who released Love And Other Planets (Domino) this past April.

Juana and friends are set to begin October 8 in Arlington, VA.

Juana Juana Juana:

10.08.06 - Arlington, VA IOTA*
10.10.06 - New York, NY Bowery Ballroom*
10.11.06 - Montreal, QC La Sala Rossa*
10.12.06 - Toronto, ON Supermarket*
10.13.06 - Cleveland, OH Grog Shop*
10.14.06 - Chicago, IL Lakeshore Theater*
10.15.06 - Madison, WI Cafe Montmarte*
10.17.06 - Denver, CO Walnut Room*
10.18.06 - Salt Lake City, UT Urban Lounge*
10.20.06 - Seattle, WA Crocodile Cafe*
10.21.06 - Portland, OR Doug Fir Lounge*
10.23.06 - San Francisco, CA Great American Music Hall*
10.24.06 - Los Angeles, CA Echo*
10.25.06 - San Diego, CA Casbah*
10.26.06 - Austin, TX Parish*

* w/ Adem

Be Your Own PET Drummer Quits to Be His Own PARENT

In a rash and unsubstantiated move, Be Your Own PET drummer Jamin Orrall has given up the stable life of a touring musician to join the dangerous and reckless world of college students. Sure, there may be beer-pong and girls, but there is also a Big Brother-esque facebook team watching you! Along with classes and all that jazz. Don't look at me, I went to tech school for comedy news writing. Did you know you can double major in indie rock news and refrigerator repair? We live in a wonderful world.

Orrall, who has yet to disclose his list of dream schools and safeties, will spend his time focusing on his own record label Infinity Cat and his band Jeff, formed with his brother Jake. It has not been confirmed whether Ecstatic Peace head honcho and general man-about-town Thurston Moore is going to replace Orrall on drums, but time will tell. Given the success of his daughter Coco Gordon Moore's band The Lightbulb, Moore might be tempted to pick up the drumsticks. It would be Moore's first foray into live music.

Banksy and Danger Mouse Punk Hilton

Awww man, this is one of those news pieces so joyful to relate that I just can't help but sit here writing with a big fat smile all over my angular, beautiful, yet somehow equine features.

Most of you will have heard of Paris Hilton. And an equally large number of you, I hope, will have heard of Banksy, the legendary British "guerrilla artist" famed for his idiosyncratic and deeply socially aware works of graffiti. His work can often be seen around London and other UK cities, but he is also well-known for having the sheer guts and audacity to paint on the Israel-built security wall at the West Bank in Palestine. In short, the man's work is vital, and even before his latest stunt, many people regarded him as a probable genius.

However, he's recently expanded his subversive output, this time preferring to take on one of the symbols, the icons, the bastions of popular culture — one of the people that epitomises all that glisters in Western society. Hilton's new CD was released recently in the UK, and Banksy saw his opportunity. 500 jacked CDs were planted in 42 stores across the country, replacing Hilton's music with Danger Mouse's wry remixes, and the cover art was doctored by Banksy to include track titles "Why am I Famous?," "What Have I Done?," and "What Am I For?," as well as statements such as "90% of success is just showing up," "Every CD you buy puts me more out of your league," and "Life wasn't meant to be fair." Here's the YouTube, linked from Banksy's site.

Now, we at TMT are used to writing our news in a 'ludicrous fashion' — just check our Wikipedia if you're not sure — but I feel that this news is sufficiently enjoyable without my attempts at snarkiness. So I'm going to go and see if HMV are stocking the new Paris record.