Gorillaz Drop Music and Get Down with Harry Potter; Moms Everywhere Burn Old Blur Records

Little known fact kids, Terry Gilliam was J.K. Rowling’s first choice for directing Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone back in 2000. As we all know, Christopher Columbus was picked for the job. And according to Gilliam, those versions were “just dull; pedestrian.” Most people would curl and die after being passed over for a job like that. One of the most successful film series to date and the execs say, “No, we want some fifteenth century explorer. Not one of the funniest British minds ever.” The thing is, dig, Gilliam was born in America, and you know what that means? He wasn’t born a quitter. The boy has resilience! He bleeds red, white and blue! Though he did denounce his U.S. citizenship in 2006. Whatever.

Wait, this is about Gorillaz. Yeah, so Gorillaz are done making studio albums. Instead they are making a movie for which they will write the score. Now it has been rumored that Terry Gilliam is on ship with the boyz to make this movie happen. With that said, we can only assume that Gilliam has acquired the rights to the next Harry Potter film, Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince.

The list of characters is incomplete as of now, but there are a few obvious choices. Firstly, Murdoc is going to play Professor Snape. The boy is creepy. I mean he’s a member of Gorillaz, so at the end of the day, he is a good guy, but with his drug addictions and what not, we can’t wholeheartedly trust him. And we all know how slippery Snape can be. It’s a perfect match. Also, Murdoc claims to have lost his virginity at age nine. Creepy. 2D, the band’s lead vocalist, would most likely play the lead of Harry Potter. He is, after all, the band’s official pretty boy. And, like Harry, has marks on his face that have gained him recognition. Noodle, the only girl in the band, gets to be Hermione by default. Russel, the overgrown drummer, will play Hagrid. This move is done more for his size than any other reason.

Neither Gilliam nor the members of Gorillaz could be reached for comment on their newest endeavor, but Damon Albarn, one of the men closely connected with Gorillaz had this to say: “We're trying to make a film next, starting in September hopefully. It will be a film score. There won't be another pop record. When we made the first Gorillaz record, we had no idea it was going to be a pop record. You don't make records with that in mind. They become that if the public love them.”

Okay, well that quote had nothing to do with the potential of Gilliam directing the newest Harry Potter flick, nor did it have anything to do with the potential of 2D playing the role of Harry Potter. Thanks a lot Albarn. “Ring, Ring” “Hello?” “Oh hey, Albarn, it’s for you. Blur called, they said you peaked eight years ago.”