Guy Hands Needs £180 Million By September to Save EMI Says Citigroup, But Won’t Change His Wonderful Name For All the Money In the World

British financial gadabout Guy Hands might have to reconsider some of the pies he’s got his fingers in this week, after it was revealed that Terra Firma, the “private equity vehicle” he runs, has had to renegotiate its agreement with Citigroup regarding the £2.5 billion (106,996,937,463,139.50 Drachma) Hands had to borrow in order to buyout EMI.

Under the new agreement, Terra Firma/EMI “must generate underlying earnings of £180m by September.” I don’t know. Honestly, there’s a bunch of predictions and figures regarding equity and publishing assets, but the fact of the matter is that Guy Hands needs you to buy the new Coldplay record, Viva la Vida, due June 16 on EMI. If you don’t, he may have to sell or refinance his beloved record company, a purchase that was probably an enormous mistake to begin with. At worst, Mr. Hands, it looks like you’ll be back in the lucrative world's waste management and outsourcing, where people treat each other right.

In related news, Mike Allen has left EMI.

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