I'll Take a Double Shot of a Mekons Tour, On The Rocks

By munroe on 02-21-2008

Here's how I imagine it:

When the RIAA discovers the first circulated MP3s on the internet in 2002, the board room is so silent you could hear Johnny in the mail room drop his morning deuce. Thick with Cuban cigar smoke, full of old stenchy white men, one of the brass in the room shatters the silence by shouting "What in the SAM HILL is the internet?" The 43-year-old temp who broke the news slowly mumbles, "Something to do with computers -- I'm not really sure." "Why in the fuck haven't we just bought it yet?" "Well sir, it's not exactly something we can buy, but we might be able to embark on a slow and painful litigation process wherein we destroy our customer base and ensure our increasing irrelevancy with each passing second." "Sounds like a deal. We should create an under-financed training video starring a former state trooper with a bad haircut and next-to-no technical background to train investigative experts. Also, start the video by slamming a gavel down. Let the future of the world know that we mean business via clichéd imagery."

Chuckles and fake stories aside, that last bit of nonsense is actually true. The RIAA did create a training video intended for RIAA investigators wishing to become court experts. And it actually does start with a gavel slamming down and stars a former state trooper with Farva's haircut. The best part, though, is it got leaked, onto the internet, via torrents. Torrents, the scourge of the RIAA because it's a protocol, not a piece of software owned by a company, cannot be controlled. So suing the shit out of its creator, Bram Cohen, gets you nowhere. Attempting to shut down one node on a torrent network is an act of hydra beheading. Some pissed off Russian geek in his basement will think to himself "Fuck you too" and put up another 30 nodes overnight on servers across the globe. So, seeing something as ridiculous as a training video intended to teach butt bags how to catch "pirates" is absolutely hysterical.

Clips of this video will make the rounds on every imaginable YouTube-like site for years, letting everyone know exactly how to avoid whatever weak-ass methods these old stodgy bastards were attempting to use in apprehending your bootleggin' busynass. The video, made in conjunction with the National District Attorneys Association, is called In Trial and includes techniques on "how to identify illegal sound recordings and how illegal music is sold." There are surveillance videos included that show how street bootleg vendors work... which is odd, considering it's a video intended to teach people how to catch internet pirates. That's like making a video on how to catch bank robbers by showing surveillance footage of a purse snatcher.

I think a slow clap is in order here.

By Liz Louche on 02-21-2008

Jim Jones, Pere Ubu guitarist and Cleveland music legend, died February 18, 2008. Deteriorating health had forced Jones to leave the band in 1996, and although he had been ill for some time, the cause of death has not yet been released. Jones was an enthusiastic music fan and supporter whose influence greatly impacted the Cleveland scene and beyond.

Jones was born in Cleveland in 1950. His music career started as a member of the Mayfield High School concert and marching bands. After a brief stint at community college, Jones started working at a shop called Record Rendezvous. In 1984, he opened his own store, Platter-Puss Records, which he sold after joining Pere Ubu. Throughout his life, he played with bands like The Mirrors (later The Styrenes), Foreign Bodies, Easter Monkeys, and The Wooden Birds. Before his death he had played and recorded with KNG NXN, Noble Rot, and SpeakerCranker. He also worked as a studio producer for many local bands and composed electronic pieces for area dance and theater troupes.