King Khan and the Shrines sign to Merge, but really, let’s just talk about dicks

King Khan and the Shrines sign to Merge, but really, let's just talk about dicks

The human box of mentally deranged black market firecrackers that is King Khan has signed to Merge, with a new album on the way later this year. The man of a 1,000 “King Khan and the —” projects is going as the standard King Khan and the Shrines on this one. The future record that is currently floating around in Khan’s voodoo-streaked neon future consciousness will be the first Shrines release since 2007, and globe-spanning tourdates are sure to ensue. Which is great news for Khan’s dick, which he can finally womp out on stage under the Shrines moniker once again. How we’ve missed you, naked King Khan.

For those of you who can’t POSSIBLY STAND THE TENSION of waiting that long for another sighting of the garage rocker’s glorious manhood, well read on! King Khan released an awesomely bizarre statement on the occasion of his signing to Merge, which really just speaks for itself. I want to get married solely so this man will give my wedding speech. Hey, Cat Sitting On My Computer… will you marry me? Anyway, here it is, direct from the King’s mouth:

Rumors have been flying about me being taped to three swans and traveling the world. Well, it was a rough ride but someone had to do it. After being called the “Beetlejuice of rock ‘n roll,” I have decided to join forces with the underworld and in doing so have reached a new all time low. Hell hath no fury as a swan taped to a fat Indian man.

I have finally found my new family in Merge records and as always I would much rather work with southern folk than city slickers (fuck Bill Crystal and his plastic face). It is a pleasure working with folks who eat ribs while they cure buffalo meat and sell rekkids. If I get a fair shot on the plantation of Merge maybe i will save Brunhilda and show my Indian penis to the world. Tell Quentin Tarantino that he should have let DiCaprio show the world his junk too to make the movie

As always, he brings up some good points.

• King Khan: