Jens Lekman To Release Disc, Tour; Then Back to Rehab After Cocaine Cop Caper With The Case of the Missing Pantaloons No Refund Hijicks Poopscapade
By The Friz on 07-30-2007
I know about Americans. Way too much, in fact. George Washington, Mister Rogers, even Lindsay Lohan. Everything. But what about Swedes? They have great healthcare, and ABBA was alright I suppose. But what else? Their public radio seems to be functioning well (I mean, if it plays dudes like Jens Lekman, it can’t be half bad, right?). You can tell a lot about a country through its radio. I’ve seen American Graffiti, so I know that Mexico pirated the airwaves over North America for many a years.
Now, Swedish radio. Do they syndicate the World Cafe with David Dye on every station? Or do Swedes opt for democratic variety? If I was the King of Sweden, we would know what they play and it’d be settled. (Now that you ask, I’d demand a constant loop of the best two hours of radio I’ve personally ever heard: 30 minutes of a live Elvis Costello concert, 20 minutes of early '90s dance music (Madonna, Ace of Bass, etc.), 40 minutes of David Dye and the World Cafe feat. M. Ward.) In Sweden, someday the government will mandate a station program just that, in perpetuity -- and I can milk free health care while basking alongside the Baltic Sea, Walkman tuned to David Dye.
And somewhere between Lohan, the Kind of Sweden, and an unhealthy obsession with David Dye is Jens Lekman. Swedish, young, beautiful, self-destructively reckless? Perhaps. Public radio savior? Maybe. Vier of affection and disseminator of charm? Possibly. Releaser of Night Falls over Kortedalaand tourer of cities? The world may never know.
New CD takes over Scandinavia, September 5; the rest of the world, October 9:
Two Gallants Plan Summer Tour With Time Set Aside To Recover From Taser Attacks
By Squeo on 07-30-2007
So Two Gallants walk into this bar, right? The third one ducks. No, come on, but seriously: these Two Gallants walk into a bar, sit down, order a couple drinks, and the bartender -- big guy, by the way, one of those rough n' tumble types, don't ask this guy how his day went, he'll either talk your ear off or bite it off -- so the bartender says to the Two Gallants, he says, "What'll it be?" First Gallant, he's like, "Something hard." Bartender's like, "Something hard?" and the first Gallant, he leans back in his chair and slams his boots up on the bar. "Something hard," he says. So the bartender gets him something hard alright -- he gets him the new Two Gallants EP, The Scenery of Farewell. "How's that for hard," he says, and balances it right on the first Gallant's boot.
So, the second Gallant's gettin' impatient, right? He's like, "I need a drink too, and that's not even a drink. That's our new EP from Saddle Creek, and it came out June 19. You can't drink a CD." So the bartender gets right up in the second Gallant's face, and he says, "I'll bet you $2,000 and the keys to my truck that I could drink your new EP faster than you could drink this bottle of rum." And like that, this bartender pulls out a huge bottle of rum from under the counter.
Second Gallant looks at the first for a second and then turns to the bartender, says, "Well obviously, that would take me forev--" but the bartender was already slamming back The Scenery of Farewell. Everyone else at the bar is looking at these Two Gallants like bartender's outsmarted 'em again, and then they start chanting "Chug! Chug! Chug!" and I swear, the bartender's three-quarters-of-the -way through with this EP, some of it's spilling on the floor, but he's getting most of it, and the bar's going nuts. These Two Gallants can't handle it; they just can't even watch it anymore, so they walk out into a swarm of mutated starving hornets, and they're never heard from again.
And that, Frank, is why your kind isn't welcome at this bar.
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