Lisbon bouncers hate No Age and let them know with their fists! Dean Spunt attacked in Portgual

Lisbon bouncers hate No Age and let them know with their fists! Dean Spunt attacked in Portgual

“We had a great day walking around Lisbon. We came back to ZDB to chill for a second. I decided to stay in, but Dean, Scotty and Will wanted to hit the town,” says the blog post on No Age’s website, written by guitarist Randy Randall. He’s detailing the fun times had in Portugal. But then it all goes to hell…

“I fell asleep and was woke up when they all came back. they tried to get into some club and the bouncers jumped them. Out of nowhere these dudes were all getting punched in the face, Will got strangled!!! What the Fuck!?!?!?!?” What the fuck, indeed.

The post goes on to detail the events of the night wherein drummer Dean Spunt, sound engineer Scott Cornish, and temporary-third-member William Kai Strangeland Menchaca finished up their show for the night and headed out on the town to have some fun. They came across a nightclub that seemed tantalizing, but when they tried to enter, they were told that the club didn’t want “English.” Spunt then tried talking to the bouncer but was punched in the face and a fight ensued.

Despite the injuries seen above and at No Age’s website, a publicist assures the world that the band is okay and will be traveling forward to better shows and clubs where “English” are allowed.

• No Age: http://www.myspace.com/nonoage

Arcade Fire to release new LP, The Suburbs, in August

According to their official website, Arcade Fire will release its third album, The Suburbs, on August 3 (August 2 in the UK) via Merge. The band is streaming two new tracks, “The Suburbs” and “Month of May,” which were released to great fanfare yesterday.

You can pre-order The Suburbs here, destroy their lyrics here, or learn sensual Tantric massage techniques here.

• Arcade Fire: http://www.arcadefire.com
• Merge: http://www.mergerecords.com

Ra Ra Riot announce new album, The Orchard; it’s expected to be so poppy and sweet you will hurl

Ra Ra Riot announced this week that they will follow up their debut album, The Rhumb Line, on August 24 with The Orchard, due on Barsuk Records. They also revealed that the new album will be “so poppy you will want to throw up on yourself.” No seriously, that’s a direct quote. The Orchard was mixed by Chris Walla from some unknown band called Death Cab For Cutie, with assistance from Rostam Batmanglij, who is some other unknown band called Vampire Weekend. Maybe for their third album, Ra Ra Riot will actually be able to get some notable musicians to mix their album, jeez!

The Orchard tracklisting:

01. The Orchard
02. Boy
03. Too Dramatic
04. Foolish
05. Massachusetts
06. You and I Know
07. Shadowcasting
08. Do You Remember
09. Kansai
10. Keep It Quiet

• Ra Ra Riot: http://www.rarariot.com
• Barsuk Records: http://www.barsuk.com

[Photo: Doron Gild]

Kathryn Calder of The New Pornographers is tired of being in Neko Case’s shadow, announces debut solo album

Tired of standing in the shadow of Neko Case, A.C. Newman, and Dan Bejar, Kathryn Calder of The New Pornographers and her own group, Immaculate Machine, has decided to get her name out there by releasing her debut solo album and a huge publicity photo (above). Are You My Mother? (cross your fingers that this is the cover artwork) is due August 10 from File Under: Music Records. The album will feature guest appearances from Neko Case, Kurt Dahle, and Todd Fancey of The New Pornographers, as well as members of Ladyhawk and Frog Eyes. Check out the first track off the album, “Slip Away,” at the Chocolate Grinder.

Calder is currently on tour with The New Pornographers, but it’s a safe bet that she’ll be touring later this year on her own to support Are You My Mother?

Are You My Mother? tracklisting:

01. Slip Away
02. Low
03. Castor and Pollux
04. Arrow
05. If You Only Knew
06. Follow Me Into The Hills
07. Down The River
08. A Day Long Past It’s Prime
09. So Easily
10. All It Is

• Kathryn Calder: http://www.myspace.com/kathryncalder
• File Under: Music Records: http://www.fileundermusic.com
• The New Pornographers: http://www.thenewpornographers.com

[Photo: Caleb Beyers]

Achtung! Bono discharged from Munich hospital following surgery; U2 North American dates postponed

Despite what My Name is Earl has led us all to believe, the phrase “do good things, and good things happen” is apparently a pretty unscientific hypothesis. Case in point: U2’s Bono (as opposed to all those other Bonos you read about) was discharged yesterday from Ludwig Maximilians-University (LMU) Hospital in Munich where he underwent emergency back surgery on Friday. In order to fully recover, he is under doctor’s orders to start an eight-week recuperation and rehabilitation program.

Unfortunately for everyone-everywhere-ever, U2 can’t exactly tour “with or without” him, so this will kinda sorta necessitate the postponement of 16 shows on the U2 360° Tour — from Salt Lake City on June 3, through to New Jersey’s Meadowlands Stadium on July 19. To say the least, this is kind of a summer bummer for the throngs of Americans who were counting on the intensive therapy that only comes from singing “One” out-loud with thousands of total strangers in a decidedly 1990s-style outdoor arena. But fortunately for everyone-everywhere-ever, St. Bono’s karma is so through-the-roof at this point that a complete recovery is a virtual certainty and Live Nation has confirmed that all of the dates will be rescheduled for 2011.

“Bono suffered severe compression of the sciatic nerve,” said Bono’s doctor in nerdy doctor-speak. “On review of his MRI scan, I realized there was a serious tear in the ligament and a herniated disc, and that conservative treatment would not suffice. I recommended Bono have emergency spine surgery with Professor Tonn at Munich’s LMU University Hospital on Friday.” Professor Tonn also added, “Bono was referred to me by Dr. Muller Wohlfahrt late last week with a sudden onset disease. He was already in severe pain with partial paralysis in the lower leg. The ligament surrounding the disc had an 8mm tear and during surgery we discovered fragments of the disc had traveled into the spinal canal. This surgery was the only course of treatment for full recovery and to avoid further paralysis. Bono is now much better, with complete recovery of his motor deficit. The prognosis is excellent, but to obtain a sustainable result, he must now enter a period of rehabilitation.” Oh, the perils of rock!

U2’s manager, Paul McGuinness, was with Bono at the Hospital in Munich. “Our biggest and, I believe, best tour has been interrupted, and we’re all devastated,” McGuinness said. “For a performer who lives to be on stage, this is more than a blow. He feels robbed of the chance to do what he does best and feels like he has badly let down the band and their audience, which is of course nonsense. His concerns about more than a million ticket buyers whose plans have been turned upside down [are concerns] we all share, but the most important thing right now is that Bono make a full recovery.”

Additional details on rescheduled dates will follow shortly and fans are encouraged to hold on to their tickets. Fans and ticket holders can visit U2’s website for ongoing tour updates and Bono recovery news. Is anyone else out there wondering if he’ll wear sunglasses in bed?

Postponed dates:

06.03.10 - Salt Lake City, UT - Rice Eccles Stadium
06.06.10 - Anaheim, CA - Angel Stadium
06.07.10 - Anaheim, CA - Angel Stadium
06.12.10 - Denver, CO - Invesco Field
06.16.10 - Oakland, CA - Oakland Coliseum
06.20.10 - Seattle, WA - Qwest Field
06.23.10 - Edmonton, Alberta - Commonwealth Stadium
06.25.10 - Pilton, England - Glastonbury
06.27.10 - Minneapolis, MN - TCF Bank Stadium
06.30.10 - East Lansing, MI - Spartan Stadium
07.03.10 - Toronto, Ontario - Rogers Centre
07.06.10 - Chicago, IL - Soldier Field
07.09.10 - Miami, FL - Sun Life Stadium
07.12.10 - Philadelphia, PA - Lincoln Financial Field
07.16.10 - Montreal, Quebec - Montreal Hippodrome
07.17.10 - Montreal, Quebec - Montreal Hippodrome
07.19.10 - New York, NY - New Meadowlands Stadium

• U2: http://www.u2.com
• Live Nation: http://www.livenation.com
• U2 360 Tour Twitter page: http://twitter.com/U2_360Tour

Somebody warn the year 2004: LimeWire loses big-time to RIAA in file-sharing lawsuit

In a decision powerful enough to send ripples through space-time, affecting people in a past so distant that they still care, a New York federal court has found LimeWire parent company Lime Media liable for copyright infringement. RIAA representatives have expressed hope that the decision will put an end to the rampant theft of Brian Wilson’s SMiLE and Franz Ferdinand’s self-titled debut. Reached for comment, LimeWire founder Mark Gorton remarked, “Who the fuck still uses LimeWire?”

Hilarious digs at moderately-outdated software aside, the ruling could have serious effects on future file-sharing lawsuits in the US. Perhaps the most important part of Judge Kimba Wood’s decision is the statement, “The evidence demonstrates that [Lime Wire] optimized LimeWire’s features to ensure that users can download digital recordings, the majority of which are protected by copyright…” From now on, if you want to release any software in the US that allows users to share information, you had better make damn sure that that software is such a piece of shit that no one can figure out how to use it to break the law.

The RIAA intends to collect the maximum compensation of $150,000 for each work infringed upon, a fee that is sadly greater than the amount many of the artists were paid to create the works in question. As the number of potentially-claimed infringements is in the millions, the total statutory damages could range from the hundred-trillions to the quadrillions. Lime Media is expected to strongly oppose the ruling at their upcoming June 1 status conference with Judge Wood — or pay off the fine in increments of $500,000 a year for the next 2 million years. There is, of course, a chance that this fee will be decreased to a more affordable package or avoided indefinitely. After all, the owners of Oink’s Pink Palace got away with a £500 fine and 330 hours of community service, and it was years before the Swedish government finally shot one of those pesky Pirate Bay boys.

• Limewire: http://www.limewire.com

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