M.I.A. Tours With The Cool Kids For The Cool Kids; Even Cooler Kids Skip These Shows Because The Venues Are Big and Like, Not Cool

[This news is super-interactive. If Teen Vogue can do it, so can we.]

Presenting... the inaugural Official Cool Points Quiz: M.I.A. & The Cool Kids Edition!

1. Award yourself a point if you can name the latest M.I.A. full-length as well as the rapper's heritage.
2. Give yourself 2 points if you can name M.I.A.'s ex-boyfriend and frequent collaborator. One bonus point for the title of their mixtape together.
3. Add 3 points to your score if you can name the sample used in the M.I.A. song "Paper Planes."
4. Tack on another 4 points if you can name the frog-voiced rapper that gets a verse on The Cool Kids' song "Gettin' It."
5. Five points if you can finish this Cool Kids line: "A little bit of gold and a _ _ _ _ _."
6. Increase your score by 6 points if you know the story behind the new M.I.A. single "Jimmy."
7. You earn +7 if you saw M.I.A. on tour for her first full-length. One bonus point if you can name that album.
8. Finally, please subtract 4 points from your score if you actually calculated your total up this question. You have to prove your coolness? Come on.

Answer Key: 1. Kala (TMT Review), Sri Lanka 2. Diplo, Piracy Funds Terrorism Vol. 1 3. The Clash - "Straight to Hell" 4. Lil Wayne 5. pager 6. The song is a cover of "Jimmy Jimmy Aja" from Disco Dancer, a Bollywood film 7. Arular 8. Shame on you!

RESULTS: If your score totaled between 0-5 points, please read Pitchfork more often and hopefully you can catch M.I.A. on her next tour. If your score ended up between 6-12, this is your ticket to one of the following shows! Have a blast. If your score was over 13, you're probably totally over M.I.A., but you could always just go for The Cool Kids and leave before M.I.A. takes the stage. We bow in your presence.

M.I.A. with The Cool Kids:

M.I.A. Tours With The Cool Kids For The Cool Kids; Even Cooler Kids Skip These Shows Because The Venues Are Big and Like, Not Cool

[This news is super-interactive. If Teen Vogue can do it, so can we.]

Presenting... the inaugural Official Cool Points Quiz: M.I.A. & The Cool Kids Edition!

1. Award yourself a point if you can name the latest M.I.A. full-length as well as the rapper's heritage.
2. Give yourself 2 points if you can name M.I.A.'s ex-boyfriend and frequent collaborator. One bonus point for the title of their mixtape together.
3. Add 3 points to your score if you can name the sample used in the M.I.A. song "Paper Planes."
4. Tack on another 4 points if you can name the frog-voiced rapper that gets a verse on The Cool Kids' song "Gettin' It."
5. Five points if you can finish this Cool Kids line: "A little bit of gold and a _ _ _ _ _."
6. Increase your score by 6 points if you know the story behind the new M.I.A. single "Jimmy."
7. You earn +7 if you saw M.I.A. on tour for her first full-length. One bonus point if you can name that album.
8. Finally, please subtract 4 points from your score if you actually calculated your total up this question. You have to prove your coolness? Come on.

Answer Key: 1. Kala (TMT Review), Sri Lanka 2. Diplo, Piracy Funds Terrorism Vol. 1 3. The Clash - "Straight to Hell" 4. Lil Wayne 5. pager 6. The song is a cover of "Jimmy Jimmy Aja" from Disco Dancer, a Bollywood film 7. Arular 8. Shame on you!

RESULTS: If your score totaled between 0-5 points, please read Pitchfork more often and hopefully you can catch M.I.A. on her next tour. If your score ended up between 6-12, this is your ticket to one of the following shows! Have a blast. If your score was over 13, you're probably totally over M.I.A., but you could always just go for The Cool Kids and leave before M.I.A. takes the stage. We bow in your presence.

M.I.A. with The Cool Kids:

Patience Is Not a Virtue, It Is a Waste of Time. We Want a New Six Organs of Admittance Album Now (or by November 20 at the very latest)!

“We shall support everything that the enemy opposes and oppose everything that the enemy supports.” Like Mao Zedong, some folks are just plain stubborn. Take Ben Chasny, for example. Just when you thought you could pigeonhole him with a convenient tag, he turns his heels and strides confidently into another guise, be it Badgerlore, Comets on Fire, August Born, Current 93, Plague Lounge, Basalt Fingers, or Six Organs of Admittance. I am positive there are more Chasny outfits that I am forgetting, but I am advancing the strict paragraph word count imposed by Chairman P dangerously close to the breaking point. I would go on, but if I show a bit of individualism and stretch the rules, the result may be castration (TMT’s book of state policies is fuzzy on this point; the only words I can translate clearly are “nuts” and “vise,” so I’m not going to take my chances, if you don’t mind).

After spending much of 2006 jumping in and out of a wide variety of studio and tour beds, Chasny opted to concentrate his efforts this year on his Six Organs of Admittance project. Flanked at times by Matt Sweeney, Elisa Ambrogio (Magik Markers), Tim Green (Fucking Champs), and Comets on Fire bandmate Noel Harmonson, the resulting album is bound to be his most focused and confident disc as Six Organs of Admittance. Or maybe it will be his most frazzled and fragile record. Regardless, Shelter From the Ash will be out November 20 on Drag City.

Chasny notes on the Six Organs website that Shelter From the Ash contains “Themes of war, the end of the world, the inherent evil in leaders as they send the young to die, abandonment, the singularity, the impending 'accident,' and those sorts of general good times abound. Have fun!” Um, I like the where you are going with this album Ben, but you forgot to mention rampant epidemics, intolerance, the increasing trampling of human rights, tragic poverty, global warming, stepping in doggie doo, and NASCAR among your list of underlying charged influences. Some people just cannot be pushed, filed, stamped, indexed, briefed, debriefed, or numbered! Chasny is not a number; he is a free man, man! To rebel is justified!

1. Alone with the Alone
2. Strangled Road
3. Jade Like Wine
4. Coming To Get You
5. Goddess Atonement
6. Final Wing
7. Shelter From the Ash
8. Goodnight

Who wants to see a true master of guitar manipulation at a bar or venue where you can get pissed, be with like-minded people who follow and respect the artist, and get a full show’s worth of material in the manner intended by the performer when you can sit cross-legged on the shit-bum floor of a record store with scores of pea-brained cheapskates under the warm feel of fluorescent lights, sober? Hooray for no one! Yeah, yeah, sure... in-stores rule

11.16.07 - Los Angeles, CA - Amoeba Music (Hollywood), 6:30 PM
11.17.07 - Berkeley, CA - Amoeba Music, 4:00 PM
11.20.07 - Portland, OR - Jackpot, 6:00 PM
11.21.07 - Seatlle, WA - Sonic Boom (Capitol Hill), 7:00 PM

[Photo: Kami Chasny]

Jesus Tour. Shit. No. Wait. Jesus Tour. NO! God. I Mean, Jesus. SHIT! JESU TOUR!!!!!!!!

While paging through Jesu's press releases and writing this story, I'm noticing a theme. Fronted by Justin K. Broadrick, founder of GODflesh? "Conquering" the year 2007? My fingers inexplicably typing that stray "s" as I try in vain to write a TMT headline? The bright light filling my bedroom as I type? Thank god (Ha! No capital "g" for you!) New York City is so polluted, or I would surely be swept out the window by the force that is "Jesu."

Fresh off releasing the ultra-limited Pale Sketches (a compilation of unreleased material) earlier this month on Avalanche Recordings, the group releases new music today with the Lifeline EP (Hydra Head/Daymare). With loads of new tunes in queue, take to heart my warning when I tell you it is TOTALLY conceivable to be overtaken by the crushing beauty (she's getting all sincere-like, folks) that is Jesu on tour.

This would be longer, but quite frankly, my attention span barely made it through this list of dates. Holy Jesu, indeed:

Lifeline EP tracklist:

1. Lifeline
2. You Wear Their Masks
3. Storm Comin' On
4. End of the Road

Hey, Arrested Development Is Back! The Group, Not The TV Show

Back in 1992, the influential hip-hop group Arrested Development sang, "Take me to another place, take me to another land," on the hit 'Tennessee." Who would have thought that the group would have actually gone to such a far-off land (that land being Japan and the land of obscurity)? Not until now, actually: after 12 years of not releasing any material in the U.S., the group has decided to release Since The Last Time in the U.S. October 30. Since The Last Time was released back in September 18, 2006, but not in the U.S.

So, in case you were wondering, who is Arrested Development?

Arrested Development was founded by Speech and Headline as a positive hip-hop alternative to gangsta rap. Besides being politically driven, the group was also known for having their song 'Revolution" in the Spike Lee film Malcolm X. After breaking up in 1996, the group got back together in 2000 and to my amazement created a loyal fan base in Japan.

The group made a U.S. fuss in 2003 by suing the FOX Network and the fictional characters of the sitcom Arrested Development. The lawsuit was even referenced in the episode "Motherboy XXX," and has become a conspiracy theory to the show's cancellation.

Lately, the group has been resurfacing their live act, performing recently at an unprecedented gig in Jerusalem alongside the Black Eyed Peas. Yes, Fergie was in Jerusalem. Also other spectacular ("shitacular?") groups like Gym Class Heroes have been citing Arrested Development as an influence. Hell, even the group frontman Speech contributed guest vocals to the song "Biter's Block."

The group returns at a time when rap in general has been under fire by the media. Even "gettin' paid and laid" rappers, like Chamillionaire, have purposely cleaned up their act to dissipate the dreaded "Parental Advisory" sticker from their albums.

Arrested Development's album Since The Last Time will include 12 new tracks, with "Miracles" as the first single. Additionally, a special mix tape will be available October 30 on Vagabond Record & Tapes. The mix will feature 18 classic and unreleased AD songs, as well as some collaborations with Gym Class Heroes (gasp!), TY, DJ Hasabe, and Braille.

So, all you hip-hop heads out there better get ready to be uplifted. Positive messages may not always equal positive beats, but now it may be possible for children to learn that they can do more with their lives (and sexual organs) than skeet, skeet, skeet. And what do Chamillionaire and Will Smith think about the return of Arrested Development?

They said, "Fuck the shut up."

I think they meant to say, "Shut the fuck up," but they were both drunk and performing coitus interruptus. Go figure.

Arrested Development should have tourdates sooner than you can say "Fergaliciouspeepants."

Since The Last Time tracklist:

Probably Shouldn’t Have CCed the Intern, Dude: Leaked EMI Memo Indicates Fiscal Retooling of the Record Industry May Be A Good Idea (Duh)

As we've reported before, EMI has a new top executive. However, what we never really stressed before is that his name is Guy Hands, and that is extremely funny.

Anyway, in a memo that recently leaked, Hands (whom I picture as the lovable Hamburger Helper mascot) noted that "rather than embracing digitalisation and the opportunities it brings for promotion of product and distribution through multiple channels, the industry has stuck its head in the sand."

He went on to suggest that labels abandon their bloated, advance-based economic model, provide smaller amounts of funding for their artists to record and tour, and recoup a piece of all the gains or losses the artists then experience.

No proprietors of smaller labels could be reached for comment, because they’ve all been very busy either already subscribing to this business model or have been practicing it for years.

According to the memo, this all has something to do with Radiohead’s forthcoming digital release of In Rainbows (1) (2) (3), marking yet another time in which Thom Yorke slapping his name on something has caused the masses to hail it as the new guard. I expect the Spin article on my desk by next weekend.

Guy Hands!

  

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