Crystal Antlers and Crystal Stilts Tour (Separately) to Promote Replacing “Wolf” With “Crystal” for Title of “Most Overused Indie-Band-Naming Device”
By Elzee on 11-21-2008
Those goddamn hipsters are at it again! Back in the good ol’ days, their bands had nice, easy-to-swallow names like The Pixies and Wilco and Pavement. They started getting on my nerves when they took random words and strung them together – Neutral Milk Hotel? What the fuck is that shit supposed to be about? Or Modest Mouse? Mice don’t have feelings! If anything, they’re just dicks. Why else would they keep pooping in my cereal?
And then for the last five years everything’s been about wolves! Wolf Parade (those animals would eat everyone in sight if let out in mass quantities), AIDS Wolf (they have STDs now?), Sea Wolf (that’s just a dead wolf in the ocean), and just when I think I’m safe, they start bombarding me with wolves in other languages! Did you know that Le Loup actually means “The Wolf” in French? Fuckin’ commies just won’t leave me alone. It got better for a while, but now look what those scruffy American Apparel-wearing kids have gotten themselves into -- it’s “Crystal” now! Crystal Castles, Crystal Antlers, Crystal Stilts… why don’t they just admit what they’re getting at and call the next band Crystal Meth? I’d buy that album. And now two of them are going on tour to make this blasphemy even more apparent. This has got to end. They’re infringing on my rights here, and I won’t stand for it. I’ll be at every single one of these shows with protest signs. Join me and you’ll be spared when the Rapture comes.
Crystal Antlers tourdates:
# Love is All
% Vetiver
Mario Speedwagon’s Under The Radar News Roundup: Quarterstick Sign Some Bitches, Beatles Documentary, Emo Dudes Help the Kids, Record Store Day Returns, New Order Reissues Sound Like Shit
By Mario Speedwagon on 11-21-2008
- Quarterstick Records, partner of Touch & Go, signed some bands. The first was San Francisco drum punk band Mi Ami. The band features two dudes from one of my favorite DC bands, Black Eyes — Daniel Martin-McCormick and Jacob Long. The second signing is another San Francisco-based band, Sholi, an avant-rock three-piece comprised of Payam Bavaf (guitarist, songwriter), Eric Ruud (bass), and Jonathon Bafus (drums). Both bands have LPs due February 17, 2009.
- As if there wasn’t enough Beatles memorabilia, biographies, and tons of other bullshit out there, we are now getting an independent documentary entitled Beatles – Composing The Beatles Song Book: Lennon and McCartney 1966-1970. The film explores the partnership between Lennon and McCartney and the songwriting process through “rare footage, classic performances” and testimonials from their friends. There are some other bitches on there too, like Anthony De Curtis (Rolling Stone), Robert Christgau (Village Voice), Alan Moore, etc. Sounds like a snooze-fest. Shit comes out November 25, 2008.
- Dustin Kensrue (Thrice), Jon Foreman (Switchfoot), Chris Conley (Saves The Day), and Jim Ward (Sparta/At The Drive In) will perform a special acoustic show Friday, December 19, 2008 at the Troubador in Hollywood, CA to benefit Invisible Children. Invisible Children is a non-profit with the goal of providing education and economic relief to those living in Uganda. The event is sponsored by MySpace, Jedidiah Clothing, and SocialVibe, and kicks off around 7 PM. You can buy tickets through Ticketmaster.
- Record Store Day is making a return in 2009. This year's event falls on April 18, 2009 and was organized by the National Association of Recording Merchandisers... basically, an alliance of grumpy dudes who work at record stores.
- Rhino Records reissued New Order’s first five records, Movement, Power, Corruption & Lies, Low-Life, Brotherhood, and Technique and fucked ’em up. The records were reissued last Tuesday (11/11/08) and fans quickly started bitching about the ubiquitous sound errors on the discs. Apparently, the tracks sound like they were transferred directly from the vinyl recordings instead the master tapes. Rhino plans to fix the mess and reissue the reissues and allow customers to exchange their shitty CDs for new ones.
Okay, I’m done. Hope you have a happy Thanksgiving, chumps.
