Music Downloaders Beware! Former OiNK Uploaders Sentenced To Community Service… Wait, That’s Not So Bad. Carry On.

In October 2007, the online music community was robbed of one of its most beloved havens... errr, I mean... the law brought justice to the online music breeding ground of corruption, sin, and piracy -- or something like that. Upon the shutting down of torrent giant OiNK, former members have been waiting with bated breath to hear what would become of their kin. Well, according to TorrentFreak, the four uploaders, who all plead guilty to copyright infringement charges at Teesside Crown Court last December, will be facing some cold hard time: serving their community.

That’s right, these "pirates" will all serve sentences ranging from 0 to 180 hours of community service, with fees from £378 to £500. The judge claimed that what kept these sentences fairly light was the fact that the four dudes had good references and strong legal representation.

An additional uploader and former site admin Allan Ellis are still awaiting trial, which is expected to proceed in March.

Mario Speedwagon’s Under The Radar News Roundup: EVERYONE HAS AN ALBUM COMING OUT! Super Furry Animals! Telekinesis! Extra Golden! Tortoise! Phosphorescent X2! – Oh yeah, and the Cochella Lineup Was Announced

Hey chumps, I’m back with another batch of news. The news queue was totally boring this week, so I just decided to write about bands that are releasing records. All the good shit got scooped up. I’m actually in a good mood today, so these might seem unusually nice. Don’t worry, I haven’t gone soft; the bitch will be back next week.

- Welsh dudes Super Furry Animals are droppin’ a new record April 21 via Rough Trade Records. The album is currently untitled and the very first track is called “The Very Best of Neil Diamond.” Fuck yeah! While the album comes out on April 21, you can get it digitally on the band's website April 16.

- Merge signed Seattle band Telekinesis. Telekinesis is Michael Benjamin Lerner, who wrote and sang all the songs and even played almost all the instruments on the self-titled LP, which comes out April 7, 2009 (and was produced by Chris Walla, holla). The touring band will include David Broecker, Jonie Broecker, and Chris Staples, and will be hittin’ the road in late February with Ra Ra Riot. Check ’em out in your town. They’ll also be at Noise Pop and SXSW.

- Extra Golden are releasing Thank You Very Quickly March 10 via Thrill Jockey. This is their third album, following up Hera Ma Nono and Ok-Oyot System. In March, they will be touring the UK with Oliver Mtudkudzi and Baaba Maal as part of the African Soul Rebels tour.

- Tortoise are droppin’ their first album of original jams in five years on Thrill Jockey too. Their new LP is currently untitled and will be out April 21. Bitches better tour; that’s all I’m sayin’.

- Phosphorescent supposedly has records coming out in 2009. Take that! To Willie, a collection of Willie Nelson songs redone Houck-style, will be released in February on Dead Oceans.

- I guess I could have written about the Coachella lineup, but really, who gives a fuck? Didn’t The Cure headline in 2004? Nevermind. Mr P asked me to include it. ANYWAY — so yeah, Coachella is April 17-19 in Indio California. Friday’s lineup includes Sir Paul McCartney, the Mozz, Franz Ferdinand, Leonard Cohen, and some others (The Crystal Method? Still?). Saturday’s lineup includes The Killers (really), Thievery Corporation (thanks Langerado), Amy Winehouse (if she shows up), MSTRKRFT, and Fleet Band of Horse/Foxes. Sunday is The Cure (AGAIN), My Blood Valentine, Yeah Yeah Yeahs, Throbbing Gristle (awesome!), and others… It’s your typical stuff; I will say that I do like most of the bands playing this year... with the exception of Billy Talent? Who the fuck let him out?

Alright, I’m out for realz.

of Montreal Want You to Masturbate Before You See Them on Tour – At Least I Want You To

Boys, I'm sure you're all very familiar with your favorite masturbating techniques. Stick with them. But for all y'all ladies out there, here are some tips that will prove orgasmic before you head out to the of Montreal show:

- Dildo Sculpture: Go to an art store and buy some Plastiline clay. It's grey and comes in blocks, about 4 lbs. Mold it into any shape dick you like, and stick a condom on it. Then you can use it as a dildo. The good thing is you can always remold this clay. It's very realistic feeling.

- Baster Suction: Take the rubber bulb off a turkey baster and place it over your clit. Then squeeze it and release to create suction on your clit. It feels just like someone is sucking your pussy.

- Slip 'n' Slide: Wrap a bunched-up towel with Saran Wrap and put lube on it. It makes for a serious orgasmic experience. Put a few pillows together, place the wet, slippery towel on them, and then ride it! It feels so naughty.

- Kodak Moment: Get an empty film cylinder, one of the little plastic ones. Lick the rim of it and put it over your clit. Squeeze the sides and it creates a suction. Gently flick it while you put the end of a hairbrush in your pussy. Also works well in the shower when you fill it with warm water.

- The of Montreal Crouch: Throw Skeletal Lamping (TMT Review) on a stereo system with a subwoofer. Turn down the treble, turn up the bass, and press play. Straddle the subwoofer during "For Our Elegant Castle." It'll feel like the Virgin Mary's vibrator.

More tips upon request!
02.01.09 - Strasbourg, France - La Laiterie
02.19.09 - Pomona, CA - The Glasshouse
02.21.09 - Honolulu, HI - Loft Gallery & Lounge
02.25.09 - Auckland, NZ - King Arms
02.26.09 - Wellington, NZ - San Francisco Bath House
02.28.09 - Perth, AU - Perth International Arts Festiva
03.03.09 - Sydney, AU - Manning Bar
03.04.09 - Brisbane, AU - The Zoo
03.05.09 - Melbourne, AU - The Hi Fi
03.07.09 - Golden Plains, AU - Golden Plains Festival
03.10.09 - Osaka, JP - Club Quattro
03.12.09 - Tokyo, JP - Duo Music Exchange
03.15.09 - Singapore, SG - Mosaic Music Festival / Esplanade Theatre
04.13.09 - Carrboro, NC - Cat's Cradle
04.14.09 - Baltimore, MD - Sonar
04.15.09 - New York, NY - Music Hall of Williamsburg
04.16.09 - New York, NY - Music Hall of Williamsburg
04.17.09 - New York, NY --- Music Hall of Williamsburg
04.19.09 - New Haven, CT - Toad's Place
04.20.09 - Boston, MA - Paradise
04.21.09 - Boston, MA - Paradise
04.22.09 - Philadelphia, PA - Trocadero
04.23.09 - Covington, KY - Madison Theater
04.24.09 - Columbia, MO - The Blue Note
04.25.09 - Norman, OK - Norman Music Festival

Together At Last! Massive Attack Samples All Conveniently Located in One Album

Problem: You love Massive Attack. You love samples. You love samples used by Massive Attack. Yet, in the 10+ years the band has been in existence, never before have you been able to find all those samples neatly compiled into one convenient compact disc.

Solution: Blammo! Until now, that is! The nice people over at Rapster Records have worked their sample-compiling magic on the legendary Bristol trip-hop group's catalogue in the same vein as the label's 2007 release, Discovered, a collection of songs sampled by Daft Punk. This means you get samples, you get covers, you get that "Be Thankful For What You've Got" song stuck in your head all day!

The collection, entitled Protected: Massive Samples, is due February 17, 2009 and is intended to coincide with the release of the rumoured to-be-upcoming Massive Attack album, tentatively titled Weather Underground.

Tracklisting:

1. Wally Badarou - Mambo
2. Lowrell - Mellow Mellow
3. William De Vaughn - Be Thankful For What You've Got
4. Al Green - I'm Glad You're Mine
5. James Brown - Never Can Say Goodbye
6. Isaac Hayes - Ike's Mood
7. Billy Cobham - Stratus
8. Lewin Bones Lock - Five Man Army Dub
9. John Holt - Man Next Door
10. The Blackbyrds - Rock Creek Park
11. Pieces Of A Dream - It's Time For Love
12. Rufus & Chaka Khan - Any Love

Mango Starr’s Tour Roundup: Mahjongg, Don Caballero, Extra Life

- Mahjongg started a tour yesterday, but I'm not reporting about it until today because, really, who lives in Dekalb, IL? Thankfully, Mahjongg are all set to get back on track, touring reputable places, such as Grinnell, IA tonight. Their latest release, Kontpab, was released last year on K.

- Don Caballero, best known for inventing the 4/4 time signature, are embarking on a Western U.S. tour this February 3 in support of last year's Punkgasm. A bunch of the dates are with sBACH, the kinda sorta solo project of Spencer Seim (Hella and The Advantage). And a 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 -- rest -- drop an eighth-note, 6, down-beat, GO!

- Extra Life is led by Charlie Looker, who has played with Zs, Dirty Projectors, John Zorn, Glenn Branca, Christian Wolff, and many more. In other words, I'm trying to legitimize his current NY-based band through related projects -- you know, to create the illusion of authenticity and shit. Anyway, it's working, because you really love this band now. Tour starts at Wesleyan University on February 5.

Peter Bjorn And John Announce First U.S. Tour In Forever; Opening Act Chairlift Praying for Another iPod Commercial Because Leo Needs New Shoes

Now that they’ve finally manned-up and set a release date for their REAL follow-up album to Writer’s Block (TMT News), Peter Bjorn And John have taken the next logical step and announced their first U.S. tour in roughly 75 (okay, fine, 2) years. Chairlift, your mom’s favorite iPod commercial band, will be supporting the entire tour.

Don’t forget to check out Peter Bjorn And John’s new album Living Thing when it comes out March 31. If you pre-order the album now, you'll receive a unique ticket code for an exclusive ticket pre-sale (while supplies last), and you will also be given an instant download of their new single, “Nothing To Worry About.” Hmm, nothing to worry about? Don’t get too cocky yet, you crazy Swedes; the album hasn’t even been released yet!
04.21.09 - Minneapolis, MN - Fine Line Music Café &
04.22.09 - Milwaukee, WI - Pabst Theatre &
04.23.09 - Chicago, IL – Metro &
04.24.09 - Newport, KY - Southgate House &
04.25.09 - Toronto, ON - Phoenix Theatre &
04.26.09 - Ottawa, ON - Capital Music Hall &
04.27.09 - Montreal, QC - Le National &
04.28.09 - Boston, MA - Paradise &
04.29.09 - New York, NY - Webster Hall &
04.30.09 - Brooklyn, NY - Music Hall of Williamsburg &
05.01.09 - Philadelphia, PA - World Café &
05.02.09 - Washington DC - 9:30 Club &

& Chairlift