SSM Make Sweet, Sweet EP, Tour

If you keep up with the world of news headlines that warrant use of the phrase "this is not a joke," you've probably heard about the unlikely marriage of Nike and LCD Soundsystem. It's all true. The group did indeed record a 45:33 track for the hypergiant-ultramonstrosotile-conglomogasm, aptly titled "45:33." The track is available for purchase on iTunes for slightly more than what an average Nike factory worker makes in one year ($9.99 USD).

Okay, okay, you knew all of this already. But do you know the detailed story of how the track was recorded? It's really quite fascinating. It all started when a Nike board member found himself taking jiu-jitsu classes with LCD frontman James Murphy. Murphy often forces everyone in his workout group to listen to Daft Punk, for reasons obvious to fans - and it just so happened that the board member was a fan of DP's song "Digital Love." Apparently, digital love is something that Nike is actually developing in laboratories, to be heavily marketed, manufactured overseas, and sold in easily consumable units called "Swooshes." (Look for it in your local shopping mall by the end of the decade). Anyway, the two got to talking, one thing led to another, and LCD Soundsystem soon found themselves recording a track for Nike.

After accepting, the band dove into the project. They really wanted to get people pumped up when they listened to "45:33." To really make them sweat. And suddenly it all became clear to them. Murphy and Co. knew exactly what they needed to do. Soon, they boarded a private jet which would take them all the way to a shoe factory at an undisclosed location in Indonesia to learn the art of sweating from those who know it best: employees in a Nike sweatshop. After meticulous observation and detailed note-taking, LCD were finally in the right mindset and ready to record. Afterward, they flew back in the same private jet, which had since been outfitted with an in-plane spa and racquetball court. Nike was very pleased with the results, and even rewarded the group for their efforts with an advance case of 100 Swooshes.

Now you know the full, uncensored, totally factual story. "45:33" can be found on iTunes, and digital love should be out shortly.