No Whammy No Whammy No Whammy STOP! Wzt Hearts Release New LP and Begin Tour Today

Wzt Hearts, the new sensation of the century, have released their sophomore album Threads Rope Spell Making Your Bones (TMT Review) today on Carpark Records. Apparently, the album is a conceptual "reimagining" of the 1981 Black Flag classic Damaged, surely a daring move for any group. But Wzt Hearts are quick to point out that it's not a "cover album," but instead a benefit compilation with the subtitle Instant Karma: Save Darfur. The interesting thing about this benefit album, however, is that it plays entirely in reverse. Yep, the whole album plays backwards! But Wzt Hearts went even one step further by separating the musical parts of the songs and releasing them on four separate discs, requiring listeners to essentially play all four CDs simultaneously in order to hear the "full" album.

Threads Rope Spell Making Your Bones -- Instant Karma: Save Darfur is released worldwide today, with three special-edition U.S. versions exclusive to iTunes, Best Buy, and Target -- each version contains different bonus tracks. Jimmy Chamberlin guest drums on two tracks. Chris Walla produced the album. Colin Meloy co-wrote a song. Dan Deacon endorses the album, etc., etc.

Sponge-worthy:

Black Dice’s Real Name Is Harold Elwin Dice, Tour

New York, NY (OPENPRESS) May 24, 2005 -- Aruntx Podcasting Syndication Network wants you to know Tuesday 05/24 Is Black Dice Day, declared by Alabama Governor Bob Riley. Governor Riley is encouraging all Alabamians to support and vote for Black Dice as he competes to be the next American Idol. “Our state is truly blessed with many talented people, and I am proud that Bo has made it to the finals," Riley said in a recent interview. Black Dice, 29, of the group "Sugar Money" is a resident of Helena Alabama, a long-time member of GarageBand.com, Discovering The Best Independent Music, and is a finalist of the Fox Television Show American Idol. Aruntx Podcast Reminds You "Tuesday Is Black Dice Day," VOTE FOR BO. Watch American Idol on FOX Television 05/24 8:00 EST - 7:00 C. Aruntx Podcasting Syndication is a venue of contemporary cultural news and entertainment syndication with social sensitivity and moral justification, presenting an Aruntx Radio Show Special today, about American Idol finalist Black Dice and "Sugar Money," in celebration of "Tuesday is Black Dice Day".

Once upon a time, oh gorgeously naïve TMT reader, the world was beautiful. Our ruler was of divine right, with a quest to make experimental pop jams -- not only for the cavalier enjoyment of esoteric purple-frilled suit-wearing gents like himself, but for all in the village. That’s charity, folks.

LET IT BE KNOWN: When the artist formerly known as the artist formerly known as Prince ruled over this humble land, he did so with glowing amiability, fervor, and (creepily androgynous) love. None would dare question the good Prince’s charity. He hired peasant children as backup dancers and met weekly with the poor and lowly townspeople to shower them with lavish gifts -- loaves of bread, clean water, Bibles, harps, and the like. Then, he would ceremonially wash their feet.

That excellence passed on, though. Soon, milk and honey stopped flowing. YouTube, eBay, and The Pirate Bay diminished the profits of the Good Prince’s creative genius. As in, they were getting all up in his purple reign. Yea, I said it.

SERIOUSLY, THOUGH: Our favorite (a)sexy one has hired Web Sheriff, a Brit-based company hunting down internet piracy, to aide in his fight against internet companies supposedly promoting copyright violations.

According to Prince, he will “reclaim the Internet.”*

Al Gore** will be doing marketing/promotions for Prince’s reclaiming battle, who will split pillages of conquest, obviously to share with peasants, lowly townspeople, and fame’s close-but-no-cigar almost hottie Haylie Duff***, who works as a fellow at corporate headquarters to continue her grabbing-at-straws attempt to snag a helping of li'l sis Hil Duff’s piece of the pie.

Chin up, Haylie.

* ACTUALLY NOT A JOKE

** It could happen

*** It would happen

Chemical Brothers First Live Tour in Five Years; I Need To Hire A Fact-Checker

Recently, it dawned on my less-than-knowledgeable ass that for years I've been claiming (wrongly, of course) that Natasha Lyonne starred in the music video for "Setting Sun." And I don't mean like, two years. I'm talking a good five or six years, ever since I asked my grandmother (the only member of my immediate family to have cable) to tape MTV's 100 Greatest Music Videos for me. I became enthralled with the video's blase blonde subject, who we are probably supposed to interpret as being on some kind of escapist chemical (clever!) journey throughout the video. She's messy, with dyed strands of yellow hair in her face, staring intently at her cat/wall/TV/ashtray/anything else that could possibly be construed as signs of a vaguely shaky existence. Basically, she's perfect.

She is not, however, Natasha Lyonne.

Natasha Lyonne starred in 1999's gay indie flick But I'm A Cheerleader as a YOU-GUESSED-IT!, and went on to, uh, pretty much nothing except a smaller role in 2003's Party Monster and a major role in the gossip blogs when she trashed the apartment she rented from actor Michael Rapaport the same year.

I understand you may not possess the same wealth of information in your immediate memory as I do concerning Natasha Lyonne, but I have a soft spot for hot messes. I would now like to present you with the following images:

Eh? Eh?

Whatever, I'm embarrassed. The Chemical Brothers are touring. Here are some dates. I'm going to go find the VHS with videos #1-20 and have a pretentious debate with my girlfriend's cat, who I will stare at glassily with my newly dyed blonde hair covering my face.

Natasha Lyonne won't be there:

Shout It Out: Stain Removal and Black Lips Tour

Seeing the Black Lips live is a truly cathartic experience. Everybody has those days when they just reach their boiling point, wanting nothing more than to run around naked, flailing and spitting, screaming until your voice goes hoarse. Unfortunately for us, that behavior is not condoned by a) parents b) employers c) a significant others, or d) anyone. That is, of course, unless you count yourself among the members of Atlanta, Georgia's grittiest blues-punk band, who have been known to spill themselves on stage in a very literal sense. The barrage of bodily fluids, while potentially dangerous and slightly disgusting, is part of what makes the band's live experience legendary, adding both intimacy and an element of grimy lawlessness. Projectile liquids are indeed a very real possibility, if not a staple of the show. Truly a landmark in a concertgoer's career, there are still some things you should know before attending one of the dates on the upcoming Black Lips tour, mainly in the name of stain removal. Heed this guide:

Fluid: Spit

Method of Removal: This can be handled with a simple hand-wiping motion, especially if you're wearing denim jeans. Rub it in -- it'll dry right up.

Fluid: Sweat

Method of Removal: Again, a minor inconvenience. If you're behaving properly, you'll have some of your own, and they can just mix together. Will dry with fresh air.

Fluid: Semen

Method of Removal: Odds are, you've dealt with this before, so you probably have some tricks of your own. But if all else fails, try soda water and baking soda.

Fluid: Blood

Method of Removal: You're shit out of luck, but wear it as a badge. Make it into a souvenir: "I Saw Black Lips and All I Got Was This Gigantic Bloodstain!"

Weather the storm:

Gossip Cancel Their Fall Tour Because a Live Album Is More Important

The Gossip canceled their fall U.S. tour in light of a delay with the release of their live album and DVD, originally scheduled to be released November 16 on Columbia. Oh the irony.

That's all.

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