Popfest! New England 2006 Totally Ripping Off Panic! At The Disco

Once, when I was a little child, I used to have terrible obsessive-compulsive tendencies. I couldn't wear any shirts with tags, I had to have long socks and have them pulled all the way up at all times, I wouldn't eat any types of cheese until I became a teenager, and I constantly winked one eye. The eye-winking twitch presented a unique problem.

I was really just a superficially confident, yet inwardly insecure high school student who loved talking to people, especially girls. But because of my twitch, any girl I tried talking to would immediately stop talking to me because they'd assume that I only wanted to get in their pants. I tried explaining, "It's not my fault, I swear! I have this tic where I have to wink one eye so that it catches up and feels like it is equal in amount of blinks with the other eye because I'm obsessive-compulsive!" But no one would listen. It was somewhat pitiful, actually. (It's not like I'm self-pitying or anything.) I only wanted to have lots of friends and just as many girls-who-are-friends. I didn't want to get into a relationship or anything because truthfully, the idea of a relationship with an attractive female is superior to the reality of said relationship. But girls didn't understand. They would try to fit me into their stereotype of what a horny teenage male was like. They assumed I wanted to use them to get off, but I was a sensitive boy with emotional needs. They didn't understand that simply romanticizing what an intimate relationship would be like was enough for me. Also, masturbating — preferably while imagining this emotionally complex, cherished, and hopelessly romantic connection with the girls who wouldn't be my friends.

In other news, Popfest! New England 2006 is taking place this year from Friday, October 6 to Sunday, October 8 in Northampton, MA. All shows are taking place at The Elevens, sadly a 21+ venue that won't let all you other hopelessly romantic teenage masturbators in the door. A one-day pass will cost you $10, while a three-day pass will cost, surprisingly, $30. Wow. A total of 26 cutesy, loving twee, cuddlecore, dancelove, artkiss, pre-fuck, post-relationship bands will help you get over your dating woes and social awkwardness in a weekend of pure joy.


Friday, October 6:

Ponies in the Surf

Beauty Sleep



My Teenage Stride

The Icicles

The Butterflies of Love

Saturday, October 7:

The L'il Hospital

School for the Dead

The Antiques

The Besties

The Smittens

Locas in Love


Human Television

Sunday, October 8 (4 PM Afternoon Show):

The Sawtelles

Polar Bear Parade

Panda Riot

Surefire Broadcast

Sunday, October 8 (Evening Show):

Hands and Knees

The Specific Heats

The Brother Kite


Math and Physics Club

The Snow Fairies

Secret Shine