Radiohead release newspaper called The Universal Sigh, forcing me into deep thought about Universal Studios Orlando

Radiohead release newspaper called The Universal Sigh, forcing me into deep thought about Universal Studios Orlando http://www.tinymixtapes.com/sites/default/files/news-11-03-radiohead.jpg

Unless you downloaded The King of Limbs (TMT Review) illegally, you didn’t have the option to get the album for free like you did with In Rainbows (TMT Review) and its pay-what-you-want model. But don’t worry, because you now have the option of getting a free newspaper called The Universal Sigh! On Tuesday, March 29 (Monday, March 29 for those outside the US and Canada), Radiohead will have “accredited vendors” deliver the limited-edition newspaper at various locations all over the world in celebration of the physical release of The King of Limbs.

Worried about the energy you’ll consume to get there? Don’t, because who gives a shit, right? Well, apparently, Radiohead do. According to the fancy website set up for The Universal Sigh, “Radiohead will measure the carbon footprint of this project, and to offset the potential ecological impact we will retire the carbon credits used.”

Click here to find a location near you. Maybe you’ll see me at the Minneapolis Uptown location. I’ll have my balls hanging out of my front zipper so you can easily identify me.

• Radiohead: http://www.radiohead.com
The Universal Sigh: http://www.theuniversalsigh.com

Thao & Mirah plan debut LP, tour West Coast, nix previously planned buddy cop flick

Thao Nguyen (of Thao and The Get Down Stay Down) and Mirah Yom Tov Zeitlyn (of… Mirah) may prefer to write and record by a single name (hey, it’s worked wonders for that Prince guy, and Donovan ain’t gonna be hittin’ ya up for bus fare anytime soon), but they’ve decided two heads are better than one when it comes to a collaborative LP and brief tour. The self-titled debut LP will see release on April 26, care of Kill Rock Stars, and will include songwriting contributions from both musicians. The album was co-produced by pal Merrill Garbus who also guests on the LP.

Kill Rock Stars gushes, “The album is a collection of songs from two distinctly different, highly respected songwriters, threaded and woven together with the creative energy and freedom of collaboration. Such freedom allowed for varied and rewarding levels of innovation, and a determination to keep the music-making as in-house as possible: both Thao and Mirah assume many of the instrumentation duties: from drums and bottles to slide guitar and knee caps. All songs maintain the writers’ shared gifts: profound emotional poignancy with lyrics and melodies to match and stay with you.” Top that, Drake!

You can check out a track from the forthcoming album, “Eleven,” right here.

Tourdates:

05.01.11 - Los Angeles, CA - Troubadour
05.02.11 - Santa Barbara, CA - Soho
05.03.11 - Oakland, CA - The New Parish
05.05.11 - Vancouver, BC - The Biltmore
05.06.11 - Bellingham, WA - Western Washington University
05.07.11 - Seattle, WA - Crocodile
05.08.11 - Portland, OR - Wonder Ballroom
05.09.11 - Olympia, WA - The Northern

• Thao: http://thaomusic.com
• Mirah: http://www.myspace.com/cmonmirah
• Kill Rock Stars: http://www.killrockstars.com

Apple pushing to launch Music Locker in April… wait, Apple’s pushing who into a locker??

It may be Windows folks who keep exclaiming “to the cloud!” all over my TV when I’m trying to watch my beloved Phineas and Ferb on Disney Channel (oh, so what?), but I have a feeling that by the time they race their sweat-drenched asses over to that cloud, they’ll find a cool-as-a-cucumber Steve Jobs sipping a latte, listening to “Freddie Freeloader” and asking “where ya been?”

According to The Music Void, Apple is cracking the fiberoptic whip on major labels to have all of their shit (music licenses) in order for the re-launch of their cloudtastic MobileMe service in April. The plan, if you’ll allow me to please make up a few words that don’t exist to avoid plagiarism, is the eventual allowification of users to storify their music online and accessinate it any time from their mobiletastic devicinators.

Brilliant! Anyway, so yadda yadda yadda: Apple recently announced that a new, $1 billion data center is expected to open this spring in Maiden, North Carolina and prior reports have stated that we could expect a chance of clouds (HAHAHAHAHAHA) as early as June. Meanwhile, Apple has allegedly seal-ified the deal-ination with Warner Music Group and is currently goading the other big boys (EMI, Universal, Sony) to get on board by calling them “pussies” and whatnot.

And considering Apple accounts for some 70% of their digital revenue, the labels more or less don’t have a pot to piss in. “The reality is that, no matter what Jon Bon Jovi says, the record industry is Steve Jobs’ bitch,” The Music Void columnist Wayne Rosso says. “Jobs knows it and so does everyone else.” So yeah, if all goes according to plan, we might see this “locker” thingy in April, with a reported price tag of somewhere in the neighborhood of $20 a year, and with other companies presumably scrambling in Apple’s wake to launch their clouds. But at least now they will probably be able to cue up the Benny Hill theme music from Apple’s music locker while they scramble. Nice!

• Apple: http://www.apple.com

Modest Mouse announce four tourdates to make sure you don’t forget about them

Q: If a band doesn’t have a new album to promote, why would they go on tour?

A: To remind people that they still exist, of course!

Case in point: Modest Mouse. Their most “recent” album, We Were Dead Before the Ship Even Sank (TMT Review), came out in 2007 and since then all they’ve done is toured a little bit and released an EP, 2009’s No One’s First and You’re Next. I didn’t even know they were still a band or that Isaac Brock was even alive until a friend of mine found Brock rooting around in a dumpster in Portland. It’s a good thing Brock will be getting back on the road in a few months; it seems like the dude is going a little stir crazy.

Dates:

05.26.11 - Boise, ID - Knitting Factory ^
05.27.11 - Missoula, MT - Big Sky Brewery ^
05.28.11 - Spokane, WA - Knitting Factory ^
05.29.11 - George, WA - Sasquatch Music Festival ^

^ Talkdemonic

• Modest Mouse: http://www.modestmouse.com

Sleep rise like the world’s most lethargic behemoth to announce North American tour

San Jose’s Sleep are widely considered to be the emperors of the stoner rock genre. While I, being no expert on stoner rock, cannot really debate this claim, let’s consider the evidence. Exhibit A: they released a highly-regarded album entitled Dopesmoker. Exhibit B: they released a highly-regarded album entitled Dopesmoker. If Sleep aren’t the world’s greatest stoner rock band, they certainly play the part. Any challengers to the throne can throw down the gauntlet during the group’s brief upcoming North American tour. Come forward, ye lurching juggernauts.

You’ll only have a few chances to meet eye-to-eye with Sleep, though. Their upcoming tour basically meets only the minimum requirements of the word “tour,” as it consists of a mere three dates. Most interesting of the three may be the group’s date at Calgary’s Sled Island Festival, where the bill features acts like The Buzzcocks, Blonde Redhead, and The Dandy Warhols. If you’re reading this, single human being who makes up the venn diagram overlap between “Sleep fans” and “Dandy Warhols fans,” then this story is for you.

Once Sleep have finished off this trio of dates, you may not get another chance to see them for a while. The band doesn’t tour particularly often, having done only a relatively short North American tour since reuniting in 2009 (albeit, still way longer than this upcoming one) and two ATP Festival appearances. But, hey, their members are busy being in High on Fire and OM. You really can’t blame them too much.

Sleep dates:

06.22.11 - New York, NY - Terminal 5
06.24.11 - Calgary, AB - Sled Island Festival
06.26.11 - Los Angeles, CA - The Wiltern

• Sleep: http://www.myspace.com/rifffilledland

Microsoft reportedly discontinues the Zune; in music devices as in life, all your squirts were in vain

Poor Bill Gates. It’s looking like not even a confusing commercial starring Jerry Seinfeld is going to save North America’s fourth-favorite portable music device. According to an unnamed source speaking with Bloomberg, Microsoft will not be introducing any future versions of the Zune due to ‘tepid demand,’ or as I wish they had put it, ‘flaccid enthusiasm.’ Instead, the company will focus on integrating Zune software into compatible mobile phones, such as Windows Phone 7. That thing’s flying off the shelves, right?

Let us take a moment, allowing Mr. Gates the privacy to sob into his Smart Pillow as the lights dim, the wallpaper turns blue, and another Everly Brothers tune emanates from the fireplace, to look back on some moments in “TMT News History” that just wouldn’t have been possible without that rascally Zune:

— September, 2006: Gumshoe reports from deep within Microsoft HQ on a brand-new music/squirting device in the works, penning the longest news item ever published on this site (this may have had something to do with Microsoft flying Gumshoe to Seattle and putting him up in a hotel).

— May, 2007: Much time has passed. The Zune has been released, and the gloves are off. Joseph Coscarelli reports on Microsoft telling Apple they smell, and Apple telling Microsoft they’re probably smelling themselves.

— July, 2007: Joseph Coscarelli reports again on a HOT new Zune-sponsored concert series featuring performances from Common, David Banner, E-40, and Large Professor. These concerts serve as the main inspiration for Gucci Mane’s left eardrum tattoo of the Zune logo.

— April, 2008: Nobodaddy reports on Microsoft’s decision to release a limited-edition Zune sporting the Unknown Pleasures album artwork. Everyone starts to feel bad for Microsoft, but no one buys a Zune.

— September, 2008: Two years have passed since Microsoft bought Gumshoe a hotel room. Mango Starr reports on McDonald’s offering free wi-fi to Zune users. Two weeks later, Mango is arrested in a St. Louis McDonald’s for public nudity, tarnishing TMT’s reputation.

— May, 2009: Nobodaddy reports again on Microsoft’s decision to release a commercial starring a “Certified Financial Planner” who cycles through bar graphs and shouts at viewers that they’re somehow spending $30,000 on an iPod. Literally no one even reads Nobodaddy’s story.

— March, 2011: Hey guys. We’re back in the present. RIP Zune.

• Zune: http://www.zune.net

[Photo: ZDNet]

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