RIAA and NAB mull peace treaty, ask Congress to put FM radios into cell phones. But why stop at cell phones??

RIAA and NAB mull peace treaty, ask Congress to put FM radios into cell phones. But why stop at cell phones?? http://www.tinymixtapes.com/sites/default/files/news-10-08-cellphone.jpg

There has been a bitter war between the armies of music and radio. The taxes that the Recording Industry Army of America (RIAA) demand of radio duchies across the country remains a contentious enough issue to have the National Army of Broadcasters (NAB) strike at them at every opportunity, and neither side has been willing to give in to the argument fully. With their plans for inward expansion on each others’ small kingdoms at a standstill, they look outward and see vast amounts of territory around them, territory they once knew and loved but now filled with the unclean and ignorant masses that were once called “potential listeners.”

All these wretches are different, except for one common feature: They wield this new fancy device they call a cellular telephone, one that can receive the same “radio waves” that once powered their great empires cooperatively. Many also wield the small clockwork device known as the “MP3 player,” which is equally capable, though often not equipped, to receive these airwaves. Realizing the potential of restoring their golden age and the mutually-assured destruction of their continued campaigns, Marshal Mitch Bainwol of the RIAA sued for peace with the NAB, with an offer: In return for an arbitrary annual sum (a paltry $100 million), they would unite their armies and lay siege on the League of Nations U.S. Congress, demanding that these new “cell phones” and other portable clockwork devices have a chip inside that would play their radio waves. The NAB has not yet agreed to all the details, but according to Lt. General Dennis Wharton, if they agree to this treaty, implementing the chips into these devices “in possible legislation would be a reasonable idea.”

It is, in fact, a brilliant idea.

That said, a small militia that supposedly defends the rights of cell phone and MP3 artisans, known as the Consumer Electronics Army (CEA), have blasted the plans of the proposed Nabriaan Grand Army. General Peter Shapiro of the CEA complained that the maneuver is the “height of absurdity,” and that the two armies “act like buggy-whip industries that refuse to innovate and seek to impose penalties on those that do.” The rabblerouser even remarked that it was “not in our national interest.” But what does he know? Lt. Gen. Wharton remarked that the CEA “always opposes new rules” that serve them and the nation best. It is not an invasion; it is a mere re-civilizing of the masses, giving them, as Lt. Gen. Wharton remarks, “lifeline information” in case of a real invasion.

But why stop at “cell phones?” Surely, we can go further than that to “re-civilize” the poor and the wretched. We can implement radios on these new adding machines they call “computers,” or lights or clocks! Maybe even implementing them as the sounds you hear when you are ringing someone on the telephone or while you are placed on hold. We can go further with microwaves and toasters, perhaps even lamps! If the Nabriaan Grand Army is to truly regain its empire, then its struggle must continue until the misguided creatures around it shall have their ears bathed in enough sound to cause their vision to be cleared, to have them understand that not only is resistance useless, but that those whom they may hold as enemies have no purpose except to consecrate them to capitalism and liberty, and to open them to a way to happiness.

New sitcom idea: Gogol Bordello tour U.S. with an endearingly xenophobic and lovably incompetent FBI tail

You think that Gogol Bordello are kind of an alright band and that’s about it. You like a lot of eclectic stuff, and you appreciate their reputed “live show energy” (though you secretly kinda think that it’s a bit of a cop out for songs that are a little same-y), and you respect the old-world rhythms and tonal accents and all that crap… but, for your money, they aren’t really anything to write home about. Maybe someone like… Man Man (yeah, Man Man!) is more in your aesthetic wheelhouse.

But the thing is: you have this housemate or work acquaintance (everyone’s got one) who generally doesn’t really listen to “difficult music” and is way psyched over Gogol Bordello because its really “unique” and “indie” sounding to him. He’s super into the idea of liking less-well-known bands in general because this whole business of Taste is sort of new to him, and he knows that you’re this big Music Dude, so he excitedly tells you that he really wants you to go see them with him on their upcoming fall tour, thinking you’ll agree that they rule. You try to argue that any band who has had its most recent record produced by old-heavy-hands Rick Rubin — as Gogol Bordello did with this year’s Trans-Continental Hustle (TMT Review) — is far from d.i.y. You even cite The Avett Brothers as proof. But it’s no use. He doesn’t know what “d.i.y.” even means. He also says that it’s too late because he already bought the tickets. He also calls you a snob.

Am I a snob?” you think to yourself later that evening as you pick at your burrito bowl. I don’t know, ARE YOU?

Gogol Bordello tourdates:

10.06.10 - Asheville, NC - Civic Center
10.08.10 - New Orleans, LA - Republic
10.09.10 - Austin, TX - Austin City Limits Fest
10.13.10 - Los Angeles, CA - Nokia Theatre
10.15.10 - Chico, CA - Senator Theatre
10.17.10 - Eugene, OR - MacDonald Theatre
10.19.10 - Portland, OR - Roseland Theater
10.22.10 - Vancouver, BC - Commodore Ballroom
10.23.10 - Vancouver, BC - Commodore Ballroom
10.29.10 - Lawrence, KS - Liberty Hallter

• Gogol Bordello: http://www.gogolbordello.com

Future Islands announce new EP and European tour, so it looks like I won’t be shutting up about Future Islands anytime soon

Look, I’ll be honest, ever since Future Islands put out their new LP In Evening Air (TMT Review), I pretty much haven’t shut up about them. Our good friend Jordan Redmond gave the record four little red balls and called Future Islands “that rare band that manages to capture its rippling essence both live and on record.” Those are statements and red balls that I would agree with! Basically, these guys have had a good year, and the best way to round out a good year is to release an acoustic EP. Future Islands will release just such an EP by the name of Undressed through Thrill Jockey on September 21. All of the EP’s tracks, which draw from the band’s two full-lengths and this year’s “In The Fall” single, were recorded by the group at Baltimore’s Mobtown Studios with additional musicians Danny Bowen (of Double Dagger) on drums, Kate Barutha on cello, and Devlin Rice on acoustic guitar.

What’s the other best way to round out a good year? A European tour, that’s what. Appropriately enough, Future Islands are doing that, too.

Undressed tracklist:

01. In The Fall
02. An Apology
03. Long Flight
04. Little Dreamer

Future Islands European tour:

09.16.10 - Leipzig, Germany - Conne Islands
09.17.10 - Kassel, Germany - ARM
09.18.10 - Wurzburg, Germany - Schoner Rene
09.19.10 - Munich, Germany - Feierwerk
09.20.10 - Ljubljana, Slovenia - ORTO Club
09.21.10 - Zagreb, Croatia - KSET
09.22.10 - Montebelluna, Italy - Osteria Tocchetto
09.23.10 - Vienna, Austria - Arena
09.24.10 - Dresden, Germany - Beatpol
09.25.10 - Prague, Czech Republic - 007
09.26.10 - Karlsruhe, Germany - Carambolage
09.27.10 - Esslingen, Germany - Komma
09.29.10 - London, UK - CAMP Basement
09.30.10 - Brighton, Uk - Freebutt
10.01.10 - Manchester, UK - Islington Mill
10.02.10 - Glasgow, UK - Islington Mill
10.03.10 - Leeds, UK - The Library
10.04.10 - London, UK - Latitudes Session @ Southern Studios
10.05.10 - Paris, France - Point Ephemere
10.06.10 - Nantes, France - Olympic
10.07.10 - Le Mans, France - Salle Jean Carmet
10.08.10 - Reism, France - Festival Elcstival Elecktricity
10.09.10 - Dudigen, Switzerland - Cafe Bad Bonn
10.10.10 - St. Gallen, Switzerland - Palace
10.11.10 - Bielefeld, Germany - AZ
10.12.10 - Leuven, Belgium -STUK
10.13.10 - Hamburg, Germany - III & 70 Club
10.14.10 - Koln, Germany - Sonic Ballroom
10.15.10 - Potsdam, Germany - Kuze
10.16.10 - Berlin, Germany - Shokoladen
10.17.10 - Athens, Greece - Six D.O.G.S
10.18.10 - Vigo, Spain - Festival Sinsal
10.19.10 - Madrid, Spain - Moby Dick
10.20.10 - Dublin, Ireland - Workman’s Club

• Future Islands: http://www.myspace.com/futureislands
• Thrill Jockey: http://www.thrilljockey.com

Beirut side project Soft Landing announce new record on Ba Da Bing for October

So, a bassist and an accordion player walk into a bar, um, Brazil. Okay, they probably flew into Brazil, this being real life and not a lame joke your uncle told you before he tried to pull a quarter out of your ear, with the aforementioned bass and accordion players being members of Beirut. What happened is this: after wrapping Beirut’s month-long tour of Brazil, Paul Collins (bass) and Perrin Cloutier (accordion) joined forces with Mike Lawless to form Soft Landing. The group of “Jorge Ben wannabes,” as Soft Landing describe themselves, have a debut album due for release on October 5 via Ba Da Bing.

• Soft Landing: http://www.myspace.com/softlandings
• Ba Da Bing: http://www.badabingrecords.com

Bruise Cruise music fest sets sail with The Black Lips, Vivian Girls, Oh Sees: Can hipsters make anything cool?

Can hipsters make anything cool? If they can, their latest attempt is to turn Caribbean cruises into lively, hip, edgy boat rides with up-and-coming trend-setting musicians.

Taking their cue from the recent side-show attractions that are “Band Cruises” (where people pack themselves into giant cruise ships and spend days at a time relaxing in the company of past-their-prime rockers like Journey, Lynyrd Skynrd, and probably Sammy Hagar, who play multiple shows, sign useless shit, and “add” “rock ‘n’ roll attitude” to the calming and fun-filled world of cruising), hipsters have commandeered a giant ship and announced the maiden voyage of “The Bruise Cruise” music festival; three days at sea enjoying the likes of The Black Lips, Vivian Girls, Ty Segall, Strange Boys, Thee Oh Sees, Quintron and Miss Pussycat, Turbo Fruits, and DJ Mr. Jonathan Toubin.

The three-day festival sets sail February 25, 2011 and doesn’t come home until the 28th; the ship will set sail from the art-deco village of Miami, FL on a beeline-course for Nassau in the Bahamas. Besides the bands, seaworthy hipsters can also enjoy an island party in the Bahamas, open bars, a dance-off with cash prizes, gambling, resort-style pools, water parks, spas, fine dining, and a “Puppetry and Pancakes” breakfast with Miss Pussycat. If the cruise proves successful, hipsters will move on to either cheese-cloth or sports bars in an attempt to make them cool too.

• Bruise Cruise: http://www.bruisecruisefestival.com

Insound announces “10 for 10” design series featuring ALL THE HOTTEST ACTS IN INDIE ROCK!

HEY YOU! Do you like all the hottest indie rock acts? What if they were all in ONE place? On POSTERS and T-SHIRTS?!? Fear not, because your dreams are finally materializing as indie rock SUPER ONLINE RETAILER Insound has announced the arrival of their new “10 for 10” design series. YES, you heard right, 10 FOR 10! The series was created by Chicago-based design studio Sonnenzimmer and features not one, not five, but TEN of your all-time super awesome favorite indie rock bands. Bands such as: Beach House, Broken Social Scene, Girls, Liars, Neon Indian, The Mountain Goats, Owen Pallett, The Pains of Being Pure at Heart, Titus Andronicus, and Ted Leo and the Pharmacists. YES, REALLY! The series will consist of 10 t-shirts and 10 silkscreened posters created by Sonnenzimmer. Don’t wait long, because these ORIGINAL and AUTHENTIC items will be snapped up soon! Order now on Insound’s website. NOW NOW NOW!

• Insound: http://www.insound.com


  • Recent
  • Popular


Click here to apply