Ms. Jones had been awake for an hour or two finishing up some leftover beluga and Veuve Clicquot left on the nightstand, but was just now getting out of her four-poster. It was just too hard some afternoons to get off that mattress (word was that the mattress was stuffed with dod feathers and locks of child prodigies’ hair). She squatted over her Hermès carryall because the 12-foot walk to the bathroom was “just too far.” She rang her Fabergé bell to summon “the help.” A young boy was there in a flash to begin the arduous task of leading his patron everywhere with a golden hose of spring water (Ms. Jones likes a constant feeling of walking on water). She boarded her custom-made Craft-matic adjustable stair chair and descended to ground level where Mimzy, her blue ribbon-winning French poodle; Caesar, her champion stud French bulldog; and Pierre-François, her champion stud French chef (and, like the time it was violated in the pantry with half a leek dipped in crème caramel at madam’s Emmy Awards after-party, occasional drunken lay) greeted her with open paws and arms. The classy star finally opened her insured-for-$3-million-synthetic-mouth to speak: “Pee-air Fraaaaan-swaaaa? Can you carry down the elliptical bike for me? I feel like getting my sweat on down here today. And don’t let ‘Jorge’ or whatever his name is (it was Derek) take those kitchen scraps home to his fam-a-lia or his “homies” today... Mimzy and Caesar get peckish around midnight. Speaking of ‘Pablo’ or whatever his name is (it was still Derek), can you get him to clean up my Hermès bag upstairs... I think one of ‘my children’ did a little doodie in it, hee, hee...”

Ms. Jones? Nah, this cannot be the same Sharon Jones -- soul sister number one, 110 pounds of soul excitement, the same sister who’s so bad, she’s badder than bad -- can it? Would Sharon Jones of Sharon Jones and the Dap-Kings ever stoop to such celebutante nonsense? No, that kind of diva behavior is left for wooden actors and dented humans like Scarlet Johansson and George Clooney. Star Jones maybe, Sharon Jones never! Oh well, if this entirely fictional spectacle above was true, it would be warranted. Yes, the fame train has arrived at Daptone headquarters and with good reason: the hardest working woman and band in showbizniz are set to have a banner end to 2007, and we can’t think of anyone more deserving. Relentlessly touring, Jones and the Dap-Kings will do what they do best: hit the road in support of their latest disc 100 Days, 100 Nights. The good times begin on October 6 with a record-release party at the legendary Apollo Theater, then the band will whisk across the Atlantic for some European dates before coming back for a month of shows in North America

10.06.07 - New York, NY - Apollo Theater
10.16.07 - Bordeaux, France - Theatre du Vigean
10.17.07 - Barcelona, spain - Sala Apolo
10.18.07 - Lyon, France - Ninkasi Kao
10.19.07 - Paris, France - L'Elysée Montmartre
10.20.07 - Nancy, France - Nancy Jazz Pulsations
10.23.07 - Koln, Germany - Alter Wartesaal
10.24.07 - Brussels, Belgium - Ancienne Belgique
10.25.07 - Amsterdam, Netherlands - Paradiso Upper Hall
10.26.07 - Hamburg, Germany - Mandarin Kasino
10.27.07 - Berlin, Germany - Bohannon Soul Club
10.30.07 - Weisbaden, Germany - Schlachtof
10.31.07 - Vienna, Austria - Supersonic Festival
11.02.07 - Zurich, Switzerland - Jazznojazz Festival 2007
11.03.07 - Nice, France - Theatro Lino Ventura
11.09.07 - Cambridge, MA - Middle East Downstairs
11.11.07 - Montréal, Quebec - La Tulipe
11.13.07 - Toronto, Ontario - Lee’s Palace
11.14.07 - Detroit, MI - Magic Stick
11.15.07 - Chicago, IL - Park West
11.16.07 - Minneapolis, MN - First Avenue
11.17.07 - Milwaukee, WI - Turner Hall
11.18.07 - Indianapolis, IN - The Vogue
11.20.07 - Cleveland, OH - Beachland Ballroom
12.01.07 - San Diego, CA - Belly Up Tavern
12.04.07 - Los Angeles, CA - El Rey Theater
12.05.07 - San Francisco, CA - Bimbo’s 365 Club
12.07.07 - Portland, OR - Doug Fir Lounge
12.08.07 - Seattle, WA - Neumo’s
12.09.07 - Vancouver, British Columbia - Commodore Ballroom
12.10.07 - Bellingham, WA - The Nightlight
01.04-09.08 - Jamcruise! (Ft. Lauderdale, FL - Roatan, Honduras - Costa Maya, Mexico)

If it weren’t enough to witness the band live, there’s the upcoming Christmas Day present of seeing Jones on the silver screen and, of course, a new album! Jones will croon the Lucille Bogan track “That’s What My Baby Likes” as juke joint singer “Lila” in the Denzel Washington-helmed The Great Debaters due December 25, and the next Dap-Kings full-length wonder will be available October 2 through Daptone Records. 4 out of 5 divas agree... “It’s the shizz-nit! (Is that how you say it, Pierre-François?) Let them eat soul!”

100 Days, 100 Nights, 10 Songs:

1. 100 Days, 100 Nights
2. Nobody's Baby
3. Tell Me
4. Be Easy
5. When the Other Foot Drops, Uncle
6. Let Them Knock
7. Something's Changed
8. Humble Me
9. Keep On Looking
10. Answer Me