Sleigh Bells announce US tour without Santa Claus

Sleigh Bells announce US tour without Santa Claus

Ah, Sleigh Bells. The band for dudes who are too afraid of seeming uncouth to just listen to real metal and chicks who are too afraid of not seeming quirky to just listen to Top 40. Hey, at least it’s a game plan. Anyway, my excellent sources tell me they got some smashed-up gas station Cherry Pie of a new album out, so I guess it’s time to “tour it up” or whatever you might want to call it. But you know, it occurs to me that I’m just not doing the band any true aesthetic justice by not “pushing my equipment to its maximum” while I’m writing about them. So, in homage to Sleigh Bells and their upcoming tour, I will now abuse my word processor to expose the hidden strengths inherent to its presupposed limitations:

SLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEIGH!
(((EXPLOSION NOISE!)))
BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLL
       sex?            dicks?            vagina?
  (KICK DRUM-KICK DRUM-KICK DRUM)
ELLLLL LLL LLLL L L LLL L L
***HYPERBOLE/coooo!/HYPERBOLE/coooo!***
        *
              **
          **
               ****
LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
   SHIT LOOKOUT, ACID RAIN:
        !   !                   !       ! !
      !  !!      ! !       !  !   !!       !
! !!! ! !!!  !       !  !! ! ! !  !!!!!!
 ! !!!!   ! !!!!!!! !!! !!   !!! ! !!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
KAPOW! KAZAM!! KABLOOEY!!!

Dates:

03.26.12 - Toronto, ON - The Phoenix
03.27.12 - Washington, DC - 9:30 Club
04.03.12 - San Diego, CA - 4th & B
04.04.12 - Pomona, CA - Fox Theater
04.05.12 - San Francisco, CA - Warfield
04.07.12 - Portland, OR - Roseland Theater
04.08.12 - Seattle, WA - Showbox at SoDo
04.09.12 - Vancouver, BC - Commodore Ballroom
04.12.12 - Salt Lake City, UT - The Depot
04.13.12 - Denver, CO - Ogden Theatre
04.14.12 - Omaha, NE - Slowdown
04.16.12 - Oklahoma City, OK - Diamond Ballroom
04.17.12 - Dallas, TX - Granada Theatre
04.18.12 - Houston, TX - Warehouse Live
04.20.12 - Georgetown, TX - Southwestern University (Corbin J Roberston Center)
04.21.12 - Nashville, TN - Vanderbilt University (Alumni Lawn)
04.23.12 - Columbia, MO - The Blue Note
04.24.12 - Iowa City, IA - University of Iowa (IMU Main Lounge)
04.25.12 - Detroit, NI - St. Andrews Hall
04.27.12 - Toronto, ON - Air Canada Center %
04.30.12 - Ottawa, ON - Scotiabank Place %
05.02.12 - Montreal, QC - Bell Centre %
05.04.12 - Newark, NJ - Prudential Center %
05.07.12 - Boston, MA - TD Bank %
05.10.12 - Washington, DC - Verizon Center %
05.11.12 - Philadelphia, PA - Wells Fargo Center %

% Red Hot Chili Peppers

• Sleigh Bells: http://www.myspace.com/sleighbellsmusic
• Mom + Pop: http://www.momandpopmusic.com

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