Billy Corgan: Thanks again for an amazing night out, Guy Fieri. Chicago is my hometown but I feel like tonight you showed me what the city’s been keeping under wraps all these years. And I don’t say that just because you treated us to wraps!
Mancow Muller: Hahaha, Billy. I knew I should have booked you at Q101’s Twisted 6 concert in 1999 instead of Fiona Apple. It was the perfect lineup of Blink-182, Bush, Moby, Filter, Foo Fighters, and The Chemical Brothers… too bad that bitch wouldn’t even suck my dick backstage. What a WOT (waste of tail). Like you said at SXSW this year, Billy, you were part of a generation that changed the world, and then it got taken over by posers.
Guy Fieri: That’s partly why I took you out on the town tonight, Billy. When you’re as successful as all three of us are, it’s hard to find a place to speak freely without fag journalists taking what we say to some fag extreme. Our buddy Mancow learned the hard way when the (fag) press got on him for saying waterboarding was no big deal and then acted faggy when he pretended to endure it! So Billy, you’re among your friends and your peers, all of us completely hetero-straight. Can I ask you about the status of Oceania, the full-length album that is itself a part of the ongoing song cycle Teargarden by Kaleidyscope?
Billy Corgan: You know Guy, normally I’d say “get a job” and direct you to a preorder page, but for people who just “get me” like you — the official spokeschef of T.G.I. Friday’s — and you — an unemployed conservative shock jock — I’ll let you in on some exciting developments. EMI and I have reached a great new partnership that allows me to release Oceania — true, Guy, only 13 pieces of my full 44-song Teargarden opus — through EMI Label Services/Caroline Distribution on June 19. It’s a rousing hour-long journey into the darkest parts of my psyche and I ask all my fans to listen to it in one sitting on proper stereo equipment.
Mancow Muller: You’re a legend, Billy, and you’re crazy, and I wouldn’t have it any other way. You would have brought the whole Rosemont Horizon down back in 1999. Well, it’s time to get our fuck on, fellas. Let’s roll.
Guy Fieri: Roger that, Colonel Cootch.
01. Quasar/Stella Polaris and the People Mover
03. The Celestials
04. Violet Rays
05. My Love Is Winter
06. One Diamond, One Heart
09. Pale Horse
10. The Chimera
[Photo: Chicago Tribune]