The Stills Refuse Racy Photo Shoot, Leave Vice; Sign With Arts & Crafts

The supple, smooth bodies, more than half-naked and gracing the pages of the New York City-based hipster bible and free magazine Vice, are sinful in their appeal. Countless beauties, often underage, are semi-clad in the latest fashions while their tattered bangs crowd their inviting stares. So when Vice's music division, Vice Records, approached its band The Stills about joining this class of boho model in a topless photo shoot, one would imagine the Canadian band found themselves flattered.

However, in a shocking turn of events, The Stills' conservative side and former body image issues shone through resulting in an uncomfortable situation for all. At a loss about their label's audacity, the band decided to part ways with Vice and seek out a new, more respectful arrangement. Enter Arts & Crafts.

The Canadian powerhouse label, home to Broken Social Scene and nearly all of their spawn, have been on quite a diversifying tear lately signing Wales startups Los Campesinos! and Ontario rockers The Constantines. The wide net cast by the label, allegedly initiated when it was rumored that Kelly Clarkson and Clive Davis had beef, did not end in a deal with the pop princess but instead Arts & Crafts has bulked up with the addition of the three still-budding rock acts. The Stills, the latest to join the team in lieu of their indecent exposure are currently cooped up in their native Montreal hoping to complete their third LP and follow up to 2006's Without Feathers. Luckily for the fans, you won't have to wait until the record's planned release in Spring of 2008 to catch the group in action, as they plan to perform scattered shows in the area while also traveling to Florida to open for Spoon (and probably visit Disney World).

Catch 'em clothed:

* Spoon

Marley Family to Sue Verizon and Universal, You Sleep Beside Me, I Am on a Train Leaving You as You Read This

Dear Reader, Baby, Sweetheart,

By the time you'll have read this, I'll be gone.

I left at daybreak.

You see, something happened last night, baby. You were sleeping so soundly, and I didn't want to wake you. Your pretty, indie face on the pillow, smiling to yourself. Sugar plums were, like, dancing in your head. You slept, reader baby, and I stared at the ceiling. Wide awake. Contemplating spending the rest of my life with you. I was going to ask you to marry me. But it didn't feel right.

There's God, and love, and this insane force inside of you. The light attaches to you, always.

Reader baby, know this: you're beautiful, and the thing is, I don't know who I am anymore. Something happened.

This happened:

In a landmark defiance of EVERYTHING, I am of a similar viewpoint as a Marley fan. And not just any fan. The Marley family and I are in agreement. Apparently, the Marley family's Fifty Six Hope Road Music Ltd aims to sue both Verizon Wireless and Universal Music Group based on Verizon's try for use of Marley songs as ringtones.

I am siding with the Marleys.

I must confess, though, that I side with the Marleys out of personal interest. You see, reader baby, I'm still in college, and these ringtones may ruin my life. As in:

1. I don't want to hear "Buffalo Soldier" ringing as my fellow COLLEGE KIDZ! make the nightly booty call;
2. I don't want to hear "Buffalo Soldier" on the street;
3. Or by way of an accidental ring ring ring ring in class;
4. At Planned Parenthood;
5. While buying weed,
6. And 100000000000000000000000 puppies,
7. And 343049039403940349 kittens,
8. Or, really, ever.

...

Yes, I side with the Marleys for the sole purpose of killing off any possibility for me to hear a Bob Marley song, ever. Still, reader baby, I can't live with myself knowing that my support of the Marleys, though grossly unintentional, is still, in essence, some support.

You're just too damn good for me.

Goodbye, reader baby. I will love and miss you. Don't try to contact me.

Really, you're beautiful.

Yours,

AJ

Black Dice’s Real Name Is Harold Elwin Dice, Tour

New York, NY (OPENPRESS) May 24, 2005 -- Aruntx Podcasting Syndication Network wants you to know Tuesday 05/24 Is Black Dice Day, declared by Alabama Governor Bob Riley. Governor Riley is encouraging all Alabamians to support and vote for Black Dice as he competes to be the next American Idol. “Our state is truly blessed with many talented people, and I am proud that Bo has made it to the finals," Riley said in a recent interview. Black Dice, 29, of the group "Sugar Money" is a resident of Helena Alabama, a long-time member of GarageBand.com, Discovering The Best Independent Music, and is a finalist of the Fox Television Show American Idol. Aruntx Podcast Reminds You "Tuesday Is Black Dice Day," VOTE FOR BO. Watch American Idol on FOX Television 05/24 8:00 EST - 7:00 C. Aruntx Podcasting Syndication is a venue of contemporary cultural news and entertainment syndication with social sensitivity and moral justification, presenting an Aruntx Radio Show Special today, about American Idol finalist Black Dice and "Sugar Money," in celebration of "Tuesday is Black Dice Day".

Once upon a time, oh gorgeously naïve TMT reader, the world was beautiful. Our ruler was of divine right, with a quest to make experimental pop jams -- not only for the cavalier enjoyment of esoteric purple-frilled suit-wearing gents like himself, but for all in the village. That’s charity, folks.

LET IT BE KNOWN: When the artist formerly known as the artist formerly known as Prince ruled over this humble land, he did so with glowing amiability, fervor, and (creepily androgynous) love. None would dare question the good Prince’s charity. He hired peasant children as backup dancers and met weekly with the poor and lowly townspeople to shower them with lavish gifts -- loaves of bread, clean water, Bibles, harps, and the like. Then, he would ceremonially wash their feet.

That excellence passed on, though. Soon, milk and honey stopped flowing. YouTube, eBay, and The Pirate Bay diminished the profits of the Good Prince’s creative genius. As in, they were getting all up in his purple reign. Yea, I said it.

SERIOUSLY, THOUGH: Our favorite (a)sexy one has hired Web Sheriff, a Brit-based company hunting down internet piracy, to aide in his fight against internet companies supposedly promoting copyright violations.

According to Prince, he will “reclaim the Internet.”*

Al Gore** will be doing marketing/promotions for Prince’s reclaiming battle, who will split pillages of conquest, obviously to share with peasants, lowly townspeople, and fame’s close-but-no-cigar almost hottie Haylie Duff***, who works as a fellow at corporate headquarters to continue her grabbing-at-straws attempt to snag a helping of li'l sis Hil Duff’s piece of the pie.

Chin up, Haylie.

* ACTUALLY NOT A JOKE

** It could happen

*** It would happen

Chemical Brothers First Live Tour in Five Years; I Need To Hire A Fact-Checker

Recently, it dawned on my less-than-knowledgeable ass that for years I've been claiming (wrongly, of course) that Natasha Lyonne starred in the music video for "Setting Sun." And I don't mean like, two years. I'm talking a good five or six years, ever since I asked my grandmother (the only member of my immediate family to have cable) to tape MTV's 100 Greatest Music Videos for me. I became enthralled with the video's blase blonde subject, who we are probably supposed to interpret as being on some kind of escapist chemical (clever!) journey throughout the video. She's messy, with dyed strands of yellow hair in her face, staring intently at her cat/wall/TV/ashtray/anything else that could possibly be construed as signs of a vaguely shaky existence. Basically, she's perfect.

She is not, however, Natasha Lyonne.

Natasha Lyonne starred in 1999's gay indie flick But I'm A Cheerleader as a YOU-GUESSED-IT!, and went on to, uh, pretty much nothing except a smaller role in 2003's Party Monster and a major role in the gossip blogs when she trashed the apartment she rented from actor Michael Rapaport the same year.

I understand you may not possess the same wealth of information in your immediate memory as I do concerning Natasha Lyonne, but I have a soft spot for hot messes. I would now like to present you with the following images:

Eh? Eh?

Whatever, I'm embarrassed. The Chemical Brothers are touring. Here are some dates. I'm going to go find the VHS with videos #1-20 and have a pretentious debate with my girlfriend's cat, who I will stare at glassily with my newly dyed blonde hair covering my face.

Natasha Lyonne won't be there:

Shout It Out: Stain Removal and Black Lips Tour

Seeing the Black Lips live is a truly cathartic experience. Everybody has those days when they just reach their boiling point, wanting nothing more than to run around naked, flailing and spitting, screaming until your voice goes hoarse. Unfortunately for us, that behavior is not condoned by a) parents b) employers c) a significant others, or d) anyone. That is, of course, unless you count yourself among the members of Atlanta, Georgia's grittiest blues-punk band, who have been known to spill themselves on stage in a very literal sense. The barrage of bodily fluids, while potentially dangerous and slightly disgusting, is part of what makes the band's live experience legendary, adding both intimacy and an element of grimy lawlessness. Projectile liquids are indeed a very real possibility, if not a staple of the show. Truly a landmark in a concertgoer's career, there are still some things you should know before attending one of the dates on the upcoming Black Lips tour, mainly in the name of stain removal. Heed this guide:

Fluid: Spit

Method of Removal: This can be handled with a simple hand-wiping motion, especially if you're wearing denim jeans. Rub it in -- it'll dry right up.

Fluid: Sweat

Method of Removal: Again, a minor inconvenience. If you're behaving properly, you'll have some of your own, and they can just mix together. Will dry with fresh air.

Fluid: Semen

Method of Removal: Odds are, you've dealt with this before, so you probably have some tricks of your own. But if all else fails, try soda water and baking soda.

Fluid: Blood

Method of Removal: You're shit out of luck, but wear it as a badge. Make it into a souvenir: "I Saw Black Lips and All I Got Was This Gigantic Bloodstain!"

Weather the storm:

  

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