Stone Roses Prepare Debut Album Reissue Onslaught. There May Be Blood. There Will Be Nonsense.

Holy shit, has it been that long? The Stone Roses reunion rumors will forever continue to swirl but what is certain is that the Manchester quartet’s eponymous debut album will definitely be reissued to celebrate its 20th anniversary. The much-loved album will be released by Silvertone (who will cease repackaging The Stone Roses catalogue when it is pried from their cold dead hands) and Legacy (friendly reissue pixies) on August 11 (Joe Rogan’s birthday, for all of you completely unrelated bracket-filler lovers). The album has been remastered by producer John Leckie and singer Ian Brown and contains a lot of goodies, depending on which version you can afford (note: the remastered album will be a hybrid of the original U.K. issue and the second 1989 U.S. issue; so, minus "Elephant Stone" but plus "Fools Gold").

Three of the planned releases below are real. One was written after a dream fueled by ecstasy and bad cocktail shrimp. Think you can tell which one is the stooge? It may not be as easy as you think…

1. Stone Roses: Special Edition includes the remastered album and an expanded booklet. Simple, understated, pure.
2. Stone Roses: Legacy Edition is a three-disc set that groups the remastered album with a second disc entitled The Lost Demos which features 15 tracks, including the previously unreleased song (“Pearl Bastard”) and a Live in Blackpool concert DVD filmed in 1989. All of this will come in a 28-page booklet. Let us pray Brown’s live voice has been doctored for the Blackpool DVD.
3. Stone Roses: Collector’s Edition is that special something for that special mixed-format friend in your life. Packing the remastered album, the Lost Demos collection, and a third CD compilation of B-sides and non-album tracks, it also comes with a 12” album folder with three vinyl albums, believed to include “the original album as well as 13 B-sides and non-album tracks housed in a gold foil-embossed hardback slipcase.” If that doesn’t sound quite ridiculous enough for you, it also comes with a lemon-shaped USB stick that holds some promo videos, ringtones, wallpapers, single cover art prints, and home-video footage of Leckie’s documenting the recording of seminal Madchester baggy indiedance anthem “Fools Gold.” AND it will come with a 48-page book of photos and band notes and celebrity fan quotes courtesy of The Charlatans’ Tim Burgess, Oasis’ Noel Gallagher, Primal Scream’s Bobby Gillespie, and star producer Mark Ronson. Holy marketing working overtime, Batman!
4. Stone Roses: Lunatic Edition includes the remastered album, The Lost Demos, the B-side compilation, the Live in Blackpool DVD, all of John Squire's post-Roses music and artwork, all of Ian Brown's solo albums and singles, Mani's Primal Scream work, and every demo version of all members post-Stone Roses music. It also comes with a bronze gatefold picture frame containing ultrasound images of all four band members in their mothers' wombs. The Lunatic Edition comes with a functioning R2 droid unit that produces holographic images of the band playing in Glasgow in 1990. Vouchers in select copies are redeemable for a free haircut by the band member of your choice (not including Brown or Squire). A hand-painted, Jackson Pollock-inspired thimble is thrown in the mix, as is a giant pair of foam-rubber flares. The entire thing is crammed into a Frank Gehry-designed “Stone Rose” granite complex that can only be opened by clicking your heels three times and chanting “I’m off me ‘ead! I’m off me ‘ead! I’m off me ‘ead!” The edition comes hand-delivered to your door by a bartender from the original Manchester hotspot The Hacienda who will proceed to administer a foot massage and make you dinner (the meal will consist of lychee-infused snow peas and some sort of turkey and rice concoction).

If I weren’t surprised whatsoever by the repackaging stunts I have seen over the years I would think this was an elaborate joke by Silvertone to raise Stone Roses awareness. But it's no biggie, I guess. I’ll buy all three editions if it will delete all recollection of their second album abomination, The Second Coming, from my memory.

The Stone Roses:

1. I Wanna Be Adored
2. She Bangs the Drums
3. Waterfall
4. Don't Stop
5. Bye Bye Bad Man
6. Elizabeth My Dear
7. (Song for My) Sugar Spun Sister
8. Made of Stone
9. Shoot You Down
10. This Is the One
11. I Am the Resurrection
12. Fools Gold

The Lost Demos:

1. I Wanna Be Adored
2. She Bangs the Drums
3. Waterfall
4. Bye Bye Badman
5. Sugar Spun Sister
6. Shoot You Down (1 version)
7. This Is the One
8. I Am Resurrection
9. Elephant Stone
10. Going Down
11. Mersey Paradise
12. Where Angels Play
13. Something's Burning
14. One Love
15. Pearl Bastard

The B-Sides & Non-Album Singles:

1. Elephant Stone
2. Full Fathom Five
3. The Hardest Thing
4. Going Down
5. Guernica
6. Mersey Paradise
7. Standing Here
8. Simone
9. Fools Gold
10. What the World Is Waiting For
11. One Love (Full Length)
12. Something's Burning (Full Length)
13. Where Angels Play