Weezer Say “Fuck It” to Artistic Credibility, “Yes” to Teenage Girls; Announce Tour with Blink-182

Listen up: Weezer are headed out on a MEGA summer tour where they plan to leave all hopes of respectability and acceptance by music critics and aficionados in the past and fully accept the rigors and pleasures of a sold-out life. The band has announced a trip through the great U.S.A., which will include dates with reunited pop-punkers Blink-182. The shows will take place at whatever happens to be the biggest arena in your area.

Weezer, who enjoyed a brief period of both mass popularity and critical acclaim due to their well-received and highly enjoyable albums Weezer (the blue one) and Pinkerton (the sad one), have been on a slow decline since the 2001 recycling of their self-titled album's cover concept and title for the "green album." The past nine years have seen the band on a sad slide from nerd-rock darlings to champions of mall rock irrelevance. The band apparently aims to use the newly announced tour as a platform to announce their full acceptance of mediocrity to fans across the country.

“We just got tired of [making good music] and said fuck it, let’s keep making money and getting pre-teens hot for us,” Cuomo stated as he reclined in a pile of money and elucidated on his life path. “Yeah, the whole blue album was fun but it’s just so much work! You know what I mean? It’s tough to write stuff that’s good and makes tons of money. I think our next couple albums are just going to be ‘The Purple Album,’ ‘The Orange Album,’ and probably ‘The Yellow Album.’ I think [the band] would all look good standing in front of purple; plus, the marketing dudes say that purple is pretty hot right now, so that’ll make us some money as well.

“Really, we just want to be a brand.”

Once the band decided that they would rather have a lucrative career over glowing reviews and continued musical evolution, they realized that they would need to do something big to let the world know their new mission statement. “We thought a tour would be an excellent way to keep our fans informed and still be able to get more money from them,” says Weezer drummer Patrick Wilson. Guitarist Brian Bell had this to add: “Once we knew that [the tour] would be the way to go, we had to find a band that stood for what we wanted to stand for, so we called up our record label and asked them to recommend a shitty band to play with.” After only a couple sessions of focus groups, the label decided on Blink-182 and quickly got them to reunite.

Weezer, especially Cuomo, say that they are super excited for the tour and hope that ALL their fans come out for the shows. Here are the dates, with slight adjustments to P4k's dates:
07.24.09 - Jisan Valley, Korea - Jisan Valley Rock Festival
07.26.09 - Naeba, Japan - Fuji Rock Festival
08.23.09 - Toronto, Ontario - Molson Amphitheater *
08.25.09 - Wantagh, NY - Nikon Theater at Jones Beach *
08.26.09 - Holmdel, NJ - PNC Bank Arts Center *
08.28.09 - Camden, PA - Susquehanna Bank Center *
08.29.09 - Hartford, CT - New England Dodge Music Center *
08.30.09 - Washington, DC - TBA *
08.31.09 - Saratoga, NY - SPAC *
09.02.09 - Cleveland, OH - Blossom *
09.03.09 - St. Louis, MO - Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre *
09.04.09 - Kansas City, KS - Sandstone Amphitheatre *
09.06.09 - Denver, CO - Fiddler's Green Amphitheatre *
09.10.09 - Seattle, WA - White River Amphitheatre *
09.12.09 - Sacramento, CA - Sleep Train Amphitheatre *
09.13.09 - San Francisco, CA - Shoreline Amphitheatre *
09.16.09 - San Diego, CA - Cricket Amphitheatre *
09.17.09 - Irvine, CA - Verizon Wireless Amphitheatre *

* Blink-182