Wu-Tang Clan announce US tour details — or are they the dates of secret rituals that will bring about the WuPocalypse?

Wu-Tang Clan announce US tour details — or are they the dates of secret rituals that will bring about the WuPocalypse? http://www.tinymixtapes.com/sites/default/files/news-10-11-wu-tang-clan.jpg

I know I just mentioned that the Wu-Tang Clan have announced dates for an upcoming tour, but I’m sure that the question you’re asking is, “What is the WuPocalypse?” Well, for the uneducated and uninitiated, the WuPocalypse is an impending event, described in detail in the WuBibleQuranWu, that will be brought about by the members of the Wu-Tang Clan and will cleanse the world of all things unclean and unhip-hop. The Lost Eight WuTribes of WuIsrael will reconvene at the Holy Site of Wu and will compete in WuCombat against the forces of evil and destruction until the lengthy battle, known as the WuRagnarok, has ended and the world has been cleaned of all things villainous and devilish, creating the paradisiacal world of WuVana, or WuVen.

As part of WuPocalypse preparations, the Wu-Tang Clan will be, as mentioned above, heading out on a North American tour that starts in San Diego and ends on New Year’s Eve in Pennsylvania. Astrologers and astronomers alike have agreed that Pennsylvania may be the lost Holy Site of Wu (which is strange because, well, would anyone ever guess that Pennsylvania would ever be described as “holy?” No, they wouldn’t) and the New Year’s Eve show may be the site of the final Secret WuRitual that will begin the WuPocalypse. Regardless, this tour should be pretty WuAwesome.

Wu-Tang Clan WuPocalypse tour:

12.04.10 - San Diego, CA - 4th & B
12.05.10 - Los Angeles, CA - Club Nokia
12.10.10 - Dallas, TX - Granada Theatre
12.12.10 - Houston, TX - Numbers
12.22.10 - Boston, MA - Wilbur Theatre
12.26.10 - New Haven, CT - Toad’s Place
12.28.10 - Providence, RI - Lupo’s Heartbreak Hotel
12.30.10 - Philadelphia, PA - Trocadero
12.31.10 - Millvale, PA - Small’s Theatre

• Wu-Tang Clan: http://www.wutang-corp.com

David Grubbs creates festival celebrating balding middle aged guys I mean No Wave

So we’re all now fully aware of how culturally avant-garde and artistically cross-sectional the New York music, art, and film scene was during the late 70s/early 80s. Thanks to recent films like Scott Crary’s Kill Your Idols and Ericka Beckman’s 135 Grand Street New York 1979, and publications like Thurston Moore and Byron Coley’s No Wave: Post-Punk, Underground, New York, 1976-1980 and Marc Masters’No Wave, we now all have it fully ingrained in our minds that this scene was better than any other scene that is or ever will be, ever. David Grubbs apparently didn’t get the memo. Therefore, Grubbs (Gastr Del Sol, solo artist, academic, Drag City mainstay) and Colombia University art historian Branden W. Joseph are mounting a three-day event in celebration of the whole no wave scene or whatev titled “Theoretical Music: No Wave, New Music, and the New York Art Scene, 1978-1983.”

The event includes panel discussions with some notable no wave scene heads, one of which will be led by Grubbs himself, as well as a screening of James Nares’ no wave film epic Rome ‘78 and a performance by former downtown fixtures Ut. The hole thing takes place at Brooklyn’s Issue Project Room. If it all sounds a little lofty and academic, it’s because it is, which basically makes it very un-no wave.

Wu-Tang Clan announce US tour details — or are they the dates of secret rituals that will bring about the WuPocalypse?

I know I just mentioned that the Wu-Tang Clan have announced dates for an upcoming tour, but I’m sure that the question you’re asking is, “What is the WuPocalypse?” Well, for the uneducated and uninitiated, the WuPocalypse is an impending event, described in detail in the WuBibleQuranWu, that will be brought about by the members of the Wu-Tang Clan and will cleanse the world of all things unclean and unhip-hop. The Lost Eight WuTribes of WuIsrael will reconvene at the Holy Site of Wu and will compete in WuCombat against the forces of evil and destruction until the lengthy battle, known as the WuRagnarok, has ended and the world has been cleaned of all things villainous and devilish, creating the paradisiacal world of WuVana, or WuVen.

As part of WuPocalypse preparations, the Wu-Tang Clan will be, as mentioned above, heading out on a North American tour that starts in San Diego and ends on New Year’s Eve in Pennsylvania. Astrologers and astronomers alike have agreed that Pennsylvania may be the lost Holy Site of Wu (which is strange because, well, would anyone ever guess that Pennsylvania would ever be described as “holy?” No, they wouldn’t) and the New Year’s Eve show may be the site of the final Secret WuRitual that will begin the WuPocalypse. Regardless, this tour should be pretty WuAwesome.

Wu-Tang Clan WuPocalypse tour:

12.04.10 - San Diego, CA - 4th & B
12.05.10 - Los Angeles, CA - Club Nokia
12.10.10 - Dallas, TX - Granada Theatre
12.12.10 - Houston, TX - Numbers
12.22.10 - Boston, MA - Wilbur Theatre
12.26.10 - New Haven, CT - Toad’s Place
12.28.10 - Providence, RI - Lupo’s Heartbreak Hotel
12.30.10 - Philadelphia, PA - Trocadero
12.31.10 - Millvale, PA - Small’s Theatre

• Wu-Tang Clan: http://www.wutang-corp.com

Milo goes to Austin: Fun Fun Fun Fest announces The Descendents as 2010 headliners

Austin, Texas will be the place to be for fans of 1980s hardcore punk this November, as the city will be the locale for a reunion show by legendary punkers The Descendents. The band will see full reunification at this year’s Fun Fun Fun Fest, which takes place November 5, 6, and 7 at Waterloo Park in Austin. The original members haven’t played together since lead singer Milo Aukerman went back to his lab work in 2004, or thereabouts, as much as I can guess. Oh, wait, the press release says a decade, so I guess it’s a decade ago that all the original members played as a band! Wow, a decade ago I didn’t even know that The Descendents still made music at all!

Regardless, the band will be playing the Sunday headlining spot, which was previously occupied by Devo, who had to cancel the show, quoting, “We don’t like Texas,” a response which prompted Texas to say, “We don’t believe in this whole de-evolution idea,” and suddenly a new argument was born. Despite the arguments, plenty of other bands do like Texas and will be playing the festival.

These other bands include: Bostich + Fussible, Washed Out, The Antlers, Cults, “Weird Al” Yankovic, MGMT, Suicidal Tendencies, Mastodon, Slick Rick, Bad Religion, Capn’ Jazz, The Hold Steady, Devin the Dude, Dirty Projectors, RJD2, The Vandals, Gwar, Monotonix, and Pharoahe Monch, with plenty more included in the 80 (or more!) acts expected at the show.

Wait a minute. Did I just type “Weird Al” Yankovic? That’s awesome and I have a whole new headline: “Weird Al” Yankovic Still Plays Shows Despite General Public’s Continued Apathy and Non-Interest in Polka, Kid Midnight Still Buying All His Albums.

“I really can’t believe it,” says FFF Fest founder Graham Williams, presumably speaking about his monumental booking of “Weird Al,” “The Descendents were one of those bands on my dream list that I thought I would never get to book. A week ago, we had no idea what we were going to do, and now we couldn’t be more happy.” Oh, yes, The Descendents, this article is about the Descendents. Go see them, and “Weird Al” Yankovic, at this year’s Fun Fun Fun Fest in Austin, Texas this November 5, 6, and 7.

• The Descendents: http://www.descendentsonline.com
• “Weird Al” Yankovic: http://www.weirdal.com
• Fun Fun Fun Fest: http://funfunfunfest.com

[Photo: Chapman Baheler]

The Black Keys to release a black box set on Black Friday

The Black Keys are so proud of their latest album, Brothers (TMT Review), that they’ve decided to reissue it as a special, limited-edition, numbered box set that will be available on the retail-dreaded shopping day of Black Friday, November 26.

The Keys were so excited about the rave reviews they received for their new Long Player that they knew there were fans out there who would love to buy the album twice; accordingly, they created a brand spankin’ new version that will include two fabulous formats — an outdated CD version and the hip-to-be-square double 45-rpm vinyl format, a bonus 10-inch record with six previously unreleased live songs, and a limited-edition poster that, hopefully, shows guitarist/songwriter Dan Auerbach in some sort of a sexy pose.

The new box set is, in actuality, not a product of The Black Keys’ secret desire to make their fans buy their albums twice, but is merely a means to support Record Store Day, that glorious holiday when we look back on yesteryear, when vinyl was king and kids didn’t keep their music as binary-coded machine language reproduced as digital tones and listened to through miniature headphones that drill “music” (a.k.a. equalized and processed data) straight to your brain so that you know what to buy with total convenience and isolation.

Bonus 10-inch tracklist:

01. Everlasting Light
02. Next Girl
03. Tighten Up
04. Howlin’ for You
05. She’s Long Gone
06. Too Afraid to Love You

• The Black Keys: http://www.theblackkeys.com
• Nonesuch: http://www.nonesuch.com

[Photo: John Brassil]

Throbbing Gristle is dead, long live X-TG: Genesis P-Orridge quits the band

A few days ago, Genesis P-Orridge bid his adieus to Throbbing Gristle. In two emails received by TG members and their management, P-Orridge said he was no longer interested in performing with Throbbing Gristle, and was planning to return to his home in New York. As a result, TG were forced to cancel their show tonight in Prague, but will put together an alternative set under the name X-TG for their November 2 show in Bologna, Italy and their November 5 date in Porto, Portugal. The remaining members of Throbbing Gristle — Cosey Fanni Tutti, Peter “Sleazy” Christopherson and Chris Carter — plan to continue freaking people out and being awesome as X-TG.

• Throbbing Gristle: http://www.throbbing-gristle.com