Hey Grammys! Writers Guild Might Picket. Whites Stripes Might Boycott. Kanye West Might Cry. And Fergie Might Pass a Kidney Stone.

The Writers Guild Checklist:

Golden Globes - Check

Oscars - Check

Grammys - Boo-yah!

As a lover of music, like 99% of the U.S. (excluding Mr. McNabbit next door to me -- he's a grump!), I was appalled over hearing the news that the Writers Guild of America ("entertainment terrorists") might picket the glorious Grammys.

The 50th annual Grammy Awards are scheduled to air February 10 on CBS, live from Staples Center in Los Angeles. If the WGA decides to picket the show, celebrity attendance could possibly, maybe be lowered down nearly 99% (except for Mr. McNabbit, my next door neighborhood -- he goes every year, but he is no celebrity), which may in fact result in a cancellation of the ceremony.

Many artists are already saying they will join the unstable bandwagon of the WGA by boycotting what many consider "the only thing that matters in musical acceptance and success." The White Stripes, Beyonce, 50 Cent, and Jon Bon Jovi top the list of performers who say, "No, I won't be a scab."

Other performers who threaten to boycott include, Prince, Justin Timberlake, Alicia Keys, Nelly Furtado, Tim McGraw, Kelly Clarkson, Fergie, and American Idol winner Fantastic Burrito.

Amy Winehouse, for whatever reason, is confirmed her appearance. And nowhere on that non-scab list did I see U2 or Kanye West. You know why? Because they're all true American heroes. West worked his penis off making an acclaimed pop/rap record that had no skits or interlude crap. What more could one ask for? So, if you have a problem with the Grammys, you screenwriters, I suggest you remind yourself that you will be offending the likes of U2, a.k.a. the band in which God plays.

It was also rumored that Fergie was scheduled to perform, which would involve her mustering up a soon-to-be-titled mineral secretion in her urinary tract. This just in: Fergie will name the kidney stone after her true birth name, Keith. Do you really want us, the true music fans, to miss out on the chance of seeing Fergie give birth to her true male self?

On the other hand, I would love to see ol' Mr. McNabbit denied a chance to go to his favorite award show. I hate that guy.

EMERGENCY UPDATE!! AHHH!!! Radiohead Change Venue Last Minute

According to a post on Dead Air Space, Radiohead have changed the venue of tonight's gig. What, don't believe me? Read for yourself:

Radiohead have been forced at the last minute to change the venue for their free London show from the Rough Trade East record shop to the adjoining venue, 93 Feet East.

On the advice of the police and the local council, it was decided to change the venue to the larger one in the interests of public safety and due to the size of the crowd that turned up for the event. Rough Trade and the band apologise for any inconvenience caused.

Allocated wristbands only remain valid for the new venue. Doors open at 9pm prompt. There will be no admittance to anyone without a wristband and there will be no screens or speakers outside the venue - however the show will still be webcast from www.radiohead.tv!

I love when things are done in the name of "public safety." Anyway, this second post is really just for those of you who can actually go to the concert. See how we try so hard to please every one of our readers?

Six Degrees of Nada Surf, And, Oh Yeah, They Announced Tourdates Too

They said it couldn’t be done, but they were wrong. Yes, kids, I decided to play the Six Degrees of Separation game, and I managed to connect Nada Surf to Batman. Yes, Batman! No, seriously, look:

- Nada Surf performed on The CW TV show, One Tree Hill.
- “Actor” Chad Michael Murray is on said TV show.
- Murray used to be on Dawson’s Creek.
- And so was Katie Holmes.
- Katie Holmes starred in Batman Begins.
- ...which is about Batman!

In other news, I know too much about shitty teenage TV dramas and Nada Surf are touring this spring in support of their fifth album, Lucky, which is set for release February 5 on Barsuk.

I heard Batman is totally going to the Gotham City date:

* The Little Ones

& What Made Milwaukee Famous

% Superdrag

Xiu Xiu To Release New Album This Month; Massive Touring and MySpace Traffic to Follow

Xiu Xiu have been crafting genre-defying music for eight years now, and as with other bands that have survived that long, their lineup has changed numerous times. Currently, Jamie Stewart shares the stage/studio with his cousin Caralee McElroy and percussionist Ches Smith. The group's sixth album, Women As Lovers comes out January 29, and they'll be touring soon after to support it.

All that dribble about them is all well and good, but did you know Xiu Xiu's MySpace is experiencing major spikes in traffic? It's true. The page serves as a home to completely relevant, highly revealing comments that offer insight into the community that keeps Xiu Xiu afloat. What phenomenal psychological gems will we find by reading through the comments? Let's take a look.

- "i'm so amped for your show @ the bowery ballroom... i'm so anxious for it.... abczxcgu823jmkdfjia!!!" - the damage is done

- "thank you. seriously your music!! *swoony swoon* and you're amazing live i'm not sure how two people can make that much sound. i can't wait to see you again(with deerhoof?). caralee when you sing your little song it is devastatingly adorable. and ooh a new album!" - laurel

- "heck it out!... i just got myself a free apple iphone from a website...i didn't believe i would get it free at first, but it worked! you just enter your zip code and they send you the iphone, FREE. mine came in the mail today. i saved the website address for you.. just goto http://grooviniphones.com and get yours before they are all gone!" - karmen

- "i love you. you're so emotional and wild and i hope you never change.... i think you should do an entire album about feminism. i actually buy your music from the music store. i swear." - xani

Good commentary and an exciting glimpse into the psyche of the average Xiu Xiu fan! Too bad these users are confused, as the MySpace they are posting on is called /xiuxiuband and the real page is /xiuxiuforlife. Confusing I know. What the fuck Xiu Xiu and Xiu Xiu fans? So far it seems the only awesome thing about the http://www.myspace.com/xiuxiuforlife page is that you can stream Women As Lovers from it. Ya!

You'll see "laurel," "the damage is done," "xani," "karmen," and tons of other rad Xiu Xiu fans at the dates below:

Oh, and check out the cover of the new XLR8R!

Blitzen Trapper Tour North America, Inspire “Ballad of Blitzen Trapper”


Come and listen to a story ‘bout a singer named Earley

And poor Blitzen Trapper, barely kept their teeth pearly

Then Wild Mountain Nation came a-droppin' last June

Aaaand along came Pitchfork, buzzin' ‘bout the tunes

Music, that is... sloppy, Country/Pysch gold... Steve Miller Band.

Well the first thing you know, the boys are willing and they're able.

Sub Pop said, "Guys, come and join our label!"

Said "the headlining spot is the place you ought to be."

So they loaded up the van, gonna see the countryyyyy...

‘08 North American headlining tour, that is... w/ Beach House... Fleet Foxes... Menomena...

So this Spring, say ‘hello' to Eric Earley and all his kin.

And they'll thank you folks fer kindly droppin' in.

And all you readers come back to this locality

For more right-wing news courtesy of Mr P!

Tiny Mix Tapes, that is... Set a spell... Check out them/there tourdates...

Y'all come back now, ya hear???

Funniest Six-Year-Old Ever Lies About Her Father’s Death To Get Hannah Montana Tickets

In the final days of the year 2007, a young girl named Alexis Menjivar penned an essay beginning with the fateful line "My daddy died this year in Iraq." The essay was soon selected as the winner of a contest sponsored by Club Libby Lu, a store that specializes in pink fabric and makeovers for babies. Six-year-old Alexis was awarded four tickets to a sold-out Hannah Montana concert, round-trip airfare, and a makeover.

In case you didn’t read the headline, it turns out the essay was fake. Actually, the essay was real, made up of real essay molecules. But its story, in which a man named Sgt. Jonathon Menjivar died in a roadside bombing on April 17, was not true. The Department of Defense (whichever division thereof is in charge of fact-checking Hannah Montana contest essays) has no record of any such man dying on the aforementioned date. Club Libby Lu, presumably having hired Harriet the spy, got to the bottom of this mystery immediately, and quickly stripped the girl of her prize and happiest memory to date.

The girl’s mother, Priscilla Ceballos, soon explained that she had prompted her daughter to fictionalize her father’s death, defending her actions by saying, “It was just an essay. We do essays all the time. You know, my daughter does essays at school all the time. I never lied and said that the essay was a true story.” Some would question the validity of this defense, but it certainly explains Alexis’ recent essay on penguins for science class (“The chinstrap penguin died this year in Iraq.”).

This story has been covered by the Associated Press, BBC, and countless local news outlets across America, but every story neglects to mention three key issues: The first is whether or not Alexis Menjivar’s essay actually violated the terms of the contest (was there a rule stating that the essay had to be true?). The second is whether or not Alexis Menjivar has a father named Sgt. Jonathon Menjivar, and if he is in Iraq, or if he perhaps even died on a different day. The third is that “Hannah Montana” herself is actually a character in a television program, whose exploits are entirely fabricated and whose father ought to be dead.

So to recap: growing up without a father in your life due to a grossly unjust war is not enough of a reason to get tickets to a concert for a fictional pop star and a free blonde wig.

Hannah Montana tourdates:

Hannah Montana takes February off in protest of Black History Month.

Radiohead to Play London’s Rough Trade Shop TONIGHT, Webcast

So, Mr P, editor-in-chief of Tiny Mix Tapes (don't click if you want your job), only allows certain Radiohead stories to be published. Why? Well, he's editor-in-chief, that's why. As much as I begged and pleaded to write a story about Radiohead's announcement of the North American cities they expect to play, well, Mr P just wouldn't have it. "Who do they think they are, Chumbawamba?" asked Mr P. "Fuck ‘em."

But boy did I have some news for my editor this morning! According to a post on Dead Air Space by guitarist Jonny Greenwood, Radiohead are scheduled to play some In Rainbows (TMT Review) material tonight at London's Rough Trade East shop on Brick Lane. The real news might be that Radiohead are twisted enough to make their London fans stand out in the cold, waiting for the Rough Trade doors to open, but at least they're webcasting this shit.

Here's the webcast link. And here's Jonny's full post:

So, we've got a small gig tonight.

It's in London at the Rough Trade East shop on Brick Lane, and we're planning to play a short set of in rainbows material. It's very limited free entry, first come first served. Also, as it might be a little uncomfortable for anyone queuing early, they're planning a numbering system so people at the front of any queue can get snacks and toilet breaks in the store. Good bagels round there. But dress warm...doors won't open until 7, and we'll play at about 8.

For those who can't get in - and it's pretty small in there - we'll have some screens and speakers outside, if we're allowed. I think we are. And we'll also webcast it. I'll put the link up here, as well as any other info, later today.

Hope you can make it - should be....interesting. Us being us, we're taking far too many instruments.....

[Remember what you're doing April 8, motherfucker.]

Colin Meloy Could Very Well Be Racist, Releases Live Solo Disc

What are you up to April 8? Oh yeah? Well, cancel your plans, dingleberry: Colin Meloy, the SUPERSTAR frontman of The Decemberists, is set to release Colin Meloy Sings Live! on Kill Rock Stars. AWWWW YEAH!! The set is a document of his 2006 solo U.S. tour, and, really, what could be better than spending your April 8 listening to the album? ...Oh yeah? What, you getting smarting with me? Shut the fuck up, right now. You're going to buy this fucking CD, and you're going to listen to it. Fuck the music actually; this shit's got stage banter, bitch. STAGE BANTER. You don't hear any stage banter on Portishead's live disc do you?

I will fucking cut you.

Colin Meloy Sings Live! tracklisting:

* "indicates talk between songs"

Whoa! Philip Glass Documentary Will Be Released. Fill Up My Ass with Some of That Buttery Popcorn And Get Ready for One Wild, Sexy Ride

Let's open this article with a poorly executed and possibly familiar joke:

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Knock Knock.

Who's there?

Philip Glass.

Here at TMT we do not grasp irony or its many manifestations, but we do, however, poorly report ironic news. This week's ironic news includes a film about Philip Glass (TMT Review), an American classical composer whose name is akin to minimalism -- or as Glass prefers to call it, "Music with repetitive structures." Maybe now you get the dumb knock-knock joke.

He has composed scores for a variety of films, including The Hours, Kundun, Notes on a Scandal, and my favorite Candyman. But now the tables have turned, as Koch Lorber Films has obtained the rights for the U.S. theatrical and home video release of Scott Hick's documentary, Glass: A Portrait of Philip in Twelve Parts. The film includes interviews with Errol Morris, Chuck Close, Christopher Hampton, and Martin Scorsese in an in-depth look at Glass' life and work.

Glass premiered September 2007 at the Toronto International Film Festival, and will premiere in April at New York's IFC Center to go along with the revival of Glass' Satyagraha at the Metropolitan Opera House. A DVD release date for the U.S. should be announced soon.

After this film, can we expect more documentaries on minimalists? Like, Terry Riley?

Terry Riley? Terry Riley? Terry Riley? Terry Riley? Terry Riley? Steve Reich? Terry Riley? Terry Riley?

I doubt it. Doubt it. Doubt it.

There was a time when metal ruled the world. Not “new metal” or “proto metal,” but good ol’ pants-stuffing, blow-dried mulleted metal. This is 100% true because I was there. Heavy Metal Parking Lot might seem like a laughable farce to most now, but back in the days when we were battling for your two-pronged right to party and wearing zebra-striped spandex in public, those scenes were not only NOT ridiculous to us studs in the amplified trenches, but they were nothing more than everyday commonalities at shows and school and malls, at bush parties and backs of pickups. I wish I was joking, but it is a fact that 15-20 late-‘70s model Camaros crowded my high school parking lot every single day from grades 9 through 12. Hot damn those were the days!

Nowadays, "metal" usually involves some horse’s ass rapping over sampled beats, with bass, guitar, and drum accompaniment. Since when did it become acceptable to ignore skinny ponces with long crimped hair melting your face with blisteringly crazy solos? You doubters will see, you’ll all see, and I’ll be laughing my leathers off when Accepts' “Balls to the Wall” soundtracks a pivotal exam room sex scene on Grey's Anatomy. Yeah, uh-huh.

Okay, metal has been a tough sell for about 20 years but there are always exceptions to popular rule. Iron Maiden is still soldiering on, riding their dilapidated metal warhorse for almost 30 years now. And what’s more, they show no signs of slowing up. Metal heads, especially forerunners of big hair metal, get smeared at every opportunity, but Maiden are Maiden -- they still sell out everywhere they play, still sell millions of albums (between 70-100 million!), and hence, they have rightfully been awarded by their longtime label EMI with an extended, integrated recording, touring, merchandise, and sponsorship deal. The new contract of the beast is for everywhere, except in the United States where Sanctuary handles the band’s business.

Take it away, longtime Maiden manager Rod Smallwood:

We’ve had three tremendous decades working with EMI and have many friends there. Through many ‘regimes’ EMI have always given us their full support and our relationship with their companies worldwide has always been excellent. For a band with a global following like Maiden, who rely on fan word of mouth, touring and marketing/sales expertise as they receive little or no radio or TV support, it is key that the 100% support and implementation of our visual marketing campaigns internationally is both effective and enthusiastic and EMI and their worldwide affiliates have always fulfilled this. So with this new type of deal in place, it makes absolute sense for us to continue and extend our relationship in what is effectively a new period for the music industry.

Business journalists will be disappointed that financial details were not divulged, but you would be bang on in assuming it is worth a pretty penny considering EMI and the band have been together 28 years now (right about the time I inherited my first studded wristband from some shit-bum outside my neighborhood donut shop), and the band is one of the more consistent jewels in the company’s crown. For die-hard fans, news that the recently announced “Somewhere Back in Time 2008 World Tour” will have a setlist celebrating the band’s 1980s heyday and will feature an Egyptian-inspired stage design à la Powerslave will help to soothe the savage beast that has been screaming “Maiden has sucked since 1986!” since 1986.

“Somewhere Back in Time” but probably nowhere near you:
02.01.08 - Mumbai, India - Bandra Kurla Complex
02.04.08 - Perth, Australia - Burswood Dome
02.06.08 - Melbourne, Australia - Rod Laver Arena
02.07.08 - Melbourne, Australia - Rod Laver Arena
02.09.08 - Sydney, Australia - Acer Arena
02.10.08 - Sydney, Australia - Acer Arena
02.12.08 - Brisbane, Australia - Entertainment Centre
02.15.08 - Yokohama, Japan - Pacifico Yokohama
02.16.08 - Tokyo, Japan - Messe
02.19.08 - Los Angeles, CA - The Forum
02.21.08 - Guadalajara, Mexico - Auditoria Telmex
02.22.08 - Monterrey, Mexico - Monterrey Arena
02.24.08 - Mexico City, Mexico - Foro Sol Stadium
02.26.08 - San Jose, Costa Rica - Saprisa Stadium
02.28.08 - Bogotá, Columbia - Simon Bolivar Park
03.02.08 - Sao Paulo, Brazil - Palmeiras Stadium
03.04.08 - Curitiba, Brazil - Pedreira Paulo Leminski
03.05.08 - Porto Alegre, Brazil - Gigantinho
03.07.08 - Buenos Aires, Argentina - Ferrofcarril Oeste Stadium
03.09.08 - Santiago, Chile - Pista Atletica
03.12.08 - San Juan, Puerto Rico - San Juan Coliseo
03.14.08 - New Jersey, NJ - Izod Center
03.16.08 - Toronto, Ontario - Air Canada Centre
06.27.08 - Bologna, Italy - Arena Parco Nord (Gods Of Metal Festival)
06.29.08 - Dessel, Belgium - De Boeretand (Graspop Metal Meeting)
07.01.08 - Paris, France - Ominisport De Bercy Arena
07.02.08 - Paris, France - Ominisport De Bercy Arena
07.05.08 - London, UK - Twickenham Rugby Stadium
07.09.08 - Lisbon, Portugal - Parque do Tejo (Super Bock Super Rock Festival)
07.16.08 - Stockholm, Sweden - Stockholm Stadium
07.18.08 - Helsinki, Finland - Helsinki Olympic Stadium
07.19.08 - Tampere, Finland - Ratina Stadion
07.22.08 - Trondheim, Norway - Lerkendalstadium
07.24.08 - Oslo, Norway - Valle Hovin
07.26.08 - Gothenburg, Sweden - Ullevi Stadium
07.27.08 - Horsens, Denmark - Horsens Gods Bane Pladsen
07.31.08 - Wacken, Germany - Wachen Open Air Festival
08.02.08 - Athens, Greece - Terra Vibe Park
08.04.08 - Bucharest, Romania - Cotroceni Football Stadium
08.07.08 - Warsaw, Poland - Gwardia Stadium
08.08.08 - Prague, Czech Republic - Slavia Football Stadium
08.10.08 - Split, Croatia - Split City Stadium
08.14.08 - Basel, Switzerland - St Jakobshalle

In other news, Iron Maiden has a customized 757 named "Ed Force One":



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