Björk is selling a special version of Biophilia for just a hair over $800

Björk is selling a special version of Biophilia for just a hair over $800

Biophilia is an ambitious album, distilling the shape, rhythm, and velocity of our entire universe into a 150x150-pixel clickable square, and to Björk it seemed like a shame to have the end result benignly stationed there between Words With Friends and that flashlight app that just shows a white screen. Sure, the bashfully wealthy were able to appreciate the entirety of existence on an iPad, but what about the revoltingly wealthy who already own prototypes of the iBrad personal robotic assistant? Well, all they have to do is think about clicking this link and iBrad will spring to life and start purchasing copies of Biophilia: The Ultimate Edition for all their grandkids.

Strictly limited to as many copies as people are actually going to fork over £500 (~$812) for by August 12, this special edition comes with all the bells and whistles: 10 chrome-plated tuning forks, each one set to the tone of a different Biophilia track, collectively forming a complete octave in a “non-conventional scale.” Next-level scale coming through, meatheads:

Moon: E 329.6 Hz
Thunderbolt: B 246.9 Hz
Crystalline: G 392 Hz
Cosmogony: F# 370 Hz
Dark Matter: Silent fork
Hollow: C 261.6 Hz
Virus: C# 277.2 Hz
Sacrifice: A 440 Hz
Mutual Core: Eb 311.1 Hz
Solstice: A 220 Hz

Yes, the “Dark Matter” fork will suck all sound from the room once it’s struck, including your screams. And that’s not all: these sound-making metal chunks will be beautifully arranged in a flocked tray within a lacquered, silkscreened oak box with a hinged lid — just like my No. 2 pencil box in fifth grade! Other things included in this oaken box that do not justify the price: a 48-page Biophilia Manual that is covered in cloth and sewn with thread; a ribbon to get the manual out of the box; essays about universe-y things by Nikki Dibben; a Certificate of Authenticity like you’re buying something on QVC. Oh, and the Biophilia album itself, with some extra recordings. Did I mention that the spine and back cover of the manual will be foil blocked?

This lovely, lavishly lacquered lenticular load of stuff is only being offered until next Friday (August 12), so buy it now or forever be edited out of Björk’s vision of the future.

• Björk:

Jónsi of Sigur Rós to score Cameron Crowe-directed We Bought a Zoo; Cameron Crowe movies to keep on sucking

Cameron Crowe makes bad movies, Jónsi (of Sigur Rós) makes good music, and, like tuna fish and grape jelly, they might as well go together because why the fuck not. I mean, it is a well-known fact that Crowe’s 2000 film Almost Famous is what inspired Jónsi to join a band!

The movie, titled We Bought a Zoo, is based on a Hallmark card (actually a Benjamin Mee memoir) about a widowed father who fulfills his late wife’s wishes to renovate and re-open a down-on-its-luck zoo (how quirky!) and stars Matt Damon, Scarlett Johansson, and Elle Fanning. Trust me, you’re going to get roped into seeing this.

The movie is set for release on December 23 of this year and will most likely be lost in the shuffle of the last Christmas before the world ends in 2012, so enjoy this news for now.

• Jónsi:

The Shins announce some tourdates and purchase the Discovery Space Shuttle! Wait, no… sign with Columbia Records. Boring!

ATTENTION FOOLS: The Shins (a.k.a. James Mercer and whomever-the-hell-else-besides Danger Mouse) are finally coming back from the plane of high pop consciousness for your uncatchy mortal souls. They trust that you will willingly pick up where you left off like four or five years ago and ADORE THE FUCK OUT OF THEM. Never mind where your pathetic and underdeveloped musical tastes have wandered in the interim. Mercer is great, and he knows and forgives your weaknesses. But please take the next few days to get these discretions back in line, or he will not hesitate to destroy you with one of his piercing, sullen, bearded half-glowers.

Your presence is required at the geographically and temporally nearest upcoming Shins performance. The performers will include singer/songwriter Richard Swift, Modest Mouse drummer Joe Plummer, Yuuki Matthews of Crystal Skulls, and singer/songwriter Jessica Dobson, and you will pretend that they have always been in The Shins, applauding them thoroughly (but not with more warmth than that with which you will applaud Mercer). You will bring the following items to your designated performance: your Mercer-approved earplugs so that you don’t miss any important frequencies; all of your hopes, dreams, and affections; enough money for a Shins t-shirt, vinyl copy of Oh, Inverted World, and Broken Bells tote bag. During the performance, you will not do any of the following things: exit the floor to obtain alcohol at the expense of missing a slow song; use the restroom; bring up a certain film from the early 2000s (or any popular lines from it) whose name we will not dignify by uttering here; sing along on top of Mercer with your own shrill, disagreeable voice.

Additionally, in conjunction with this tour, you are required to get re-excited about the news that Mercer has been working on a new Shins album for some time now with producer Greg Kurstin (yes, from Geggy Tah), a new Shins album that will be released next year on Mercer’s Aural Apothecary label and Columbia Records. Be advised that this album will ______ your life. That is all for now. Go in peace. So says I.


08.08.11 - Eugene, OR - W.O.W. Hall
08.09.11 - Bend, OR - The Domino Room
08.10.11 - Portland, OR - The Doug Fir Lounge
08.12.11 - San Francisco, CA - Outside Lands Festival
09.22.11 - Toronto, ON - Phoenix Concert Theatre
09.23.11 - Philadelphia, PA - Popped! Festival
09.24.11 - Boston, MA - Paradise Rock Club
10.15.11 - Pensacola, FL - DeLuna Festival

• The Shins:
• Columbia:

Yuck finish up tour of the West Coast, call their parents, get permission to tour East Coast in the fall

It’s happened before: a couple guys travel across the sea from England to America, and once they’ve touched land, exploited native peoples, and discovered that they can eat all the corn they want, they don’t want to leave. It happened again this year, when Yuck — a ragtag group of 20-year-old Londoners — came to the States with their old-world, Jesus & Mary Chain sound, to tour their debut album (TMT Review) on Fat Possum. They haven’t even left the West Coast when already they’re announcing another tour, this time of the East Coast, starting in September. Next they’ll be taking away our right to bear arms!

Along with the tour news, Yuck recently unveiled a new 7-inch, featuring “Shook Down” (from the self-titled album) backed with a new single, “Milkshake.” In case you were wondering, yeah, it still sounds like a composite of all the noisy old bands you liked in high school. Listen to “Milkshake” at Yuck’s Myspace, or stream the new video for “Shook Down” here. With full-frontal nudity and facial features done terrifyingly piecemeal, it’s about as uncomfortable viewing as the new Flaming Lips/Lightning Bolt video.


09.22.01 - Boston, MA - TT the Bears
09.23.11 - Philadelphia, PA - Popped Festival
09.24.11 - Montreal, QC - Pop Montreal
09.25.11 - Toronto, ON - Horseshoe Tavern
09.27.11 - Buffalo, NY - Ninth Ward
09.28.11 - Pittsburgh, PA - Brillobox
09.29.11 - Detroit, MI - Magic Stick
09.30.11 - Cleveland, OH - Grog Shop
10.01.11 - Indianapolis, IN - Radio Radio
10.03.11 - Chicago, IL - Double Door
10.04.11 - St. Louis, MO - Firebird
10.05.11 - Nashville, TN - Mercy Lounge
10.06.11 - Atlanta, GA - The Earl
10.07.11 - Tampa, FL - Crowbar
10.08.11 - Sunrise, FL - Langerado Festival
10.10.11 - Orlando, FL - The Social
10.12.11 - Washington, D.C. - Black Cat
10.13.11 - Brooklyn, NY - Music Hall of Williamsburg
10.14.11 - Brooklyn, NY - Music Hall of Williamsburg

• Yuck:
• Fat Possum:

Beavis and Butt-head to return to MTV with fewer music videos, which is fine because no one currently watching MTV will perceive any such lack of music videos anyway

Like most of you, I can’t remember the last time I thought of MTV as a music-related content provider. The last memory I have of ever consistently watching that channel is from when I was in college in the early aughts. My housemates and I used to place modest bets at the beginning of every episode of that dating show Next as to which one of the idiot contestants would win the date with the idiot bachelor/ette. Then we’d laugh at how stupid the whole network was, pat ourselves on the back for watching TV ironically, and get on with our days. So when Beavis and Butt-head return to their MTV-watchin’ couch on October 27 after a near-15 year hiatus, it’s really pretty fitting that they won’t be watching as many music videos, due to licensing issues. In fact, the only thing more realistic than them not watching music videos on a television set would be them watching Hulu Plus on their HTC Evo 4G’s instead.

According to Billboard, B&B creator Mike Judge says (in that adorable voice of his) that the conspicuous lack of music videos on the reboot was the result of having to go through proper channels on these new editions of the show. “It’s licensing,” he said, noting that the premiere itself was actually delayed six months partially because of pending approval to use music videos. So far, he says that Deadmau5, MGMT, Yolanda Be Cool, and T-Baby’s off-key “It’s So Cold in the D” have been licensed. And “we’re working on Lady Gaga.” So, you know, there’s a lot to look forward to there.

Licensing of some of the show’s content became an issue in th early 2000’s and is probably Lars Ulrich’s fault. When Sony issued its first collection of episodes in 2005, many of the episodes had to be edited to compensate for deleted videos, frustrating AC/DC and Metallica fans everywhere. Now in 2011, the pair will fill air time on the new series the time-honored George Lopez Way: by making fun of whatever’s going on in pop culture at the time. In addition to performing the oh-so-difficult task of skewering the network’s current batch of shitshows — Jersey Shore, 16 and Pregnant, Teen Mom, etc. — they’ll “take a shot at becoming Siskel and Ebert, vampires, tech support workers and re-enact Morgan Spurlock’s Super-size Me diet.” Ooh, topical. Although, actually, I can’t wait to sit in front of my TV and criticize cartoon characters while they criticize TV. Nothing’s more ironic than that.

Beavis & Butt-head:

Not a joke: T-Pain sues company that invented Auto-Tune

I have just spent a full three hours of my workday reading Literally Unbelievable, the website that tracks the wacky antics of the good people who believe The Onion reports actual, true news stories, so let’s just say I’m more than a little surprised that the headline “T-Pain Sues Auto-Tune Inventor” on is NOT an article from The Onion. ONLY IN T-PAIN’S AMERICA, SHEEPLE.

So, this is a real story. It’s 100% true and it’s totally happening. T-Pain, known in R&B and pop music circles as the Lord of the Auto-Tune, is suing Antares Technologies, the company that developed it back in 1997. What could bring about the tragic dissolution of this seeming match made in heaven, you ask? Was Auto-Tune cheating on T-Pain with Cher? Is T-Pain going to use his ACTUAL VOICE on a recording? Ha ha ha NO DON’T BE RIDICULOUS. It’s all about the benjamins, baby.

Recently T-Pain partnered with Izotope, a new company, to rep his very own voice-manipulation technology, called — wait for it — The T-Pain Effect. THE T-PAIN EFFECT. And therefore, Señor Pain is trying to distance himself from Antares by bringing an injunction against the company. On Monday, T-Pain and associates filed a complaint in the US District Court in California alleging that Antares is still using his likeness in marketing materials, packaging, and advertisements, and that this continued endorsement “will confuse and mislead the public and damage sales for his own new technologies, including the ‘I Am T-Pain Mic.’” Yes, that is a real, purchasable product. The I Am T-Pain Mic. No word yet on whether the I Am T-Pain Mic allows the user to conceive of and spit shitty lyrics like “Oh she made us drinks, to drink/We drunk ‘em, got drunk” or not.

• T-Pain:
• Izotope:
• Antares: