TMT news writer Taylor Peters was arrested today after an incident in downtown Indianapolis. According to local sources, after being repeatedly foiled by Microsoft Word’s spell check correcting the name of the new Dismemberment Plan album, Peters took to the streets shouting the information at the top of his lungs, all the while smacking business men in their “business” (his words) and shooting off toy pistols like an excited cowboy. In lieu of a traditional news post, what follows will be a transcript of the since-removed YouTube footage of Peters’ outburst.
Well boy howdy, tighten your knickers and smack your son on the mouth because I’ve got a doozy of a news post for you my beautiful babies! Oh wowzers, what a nice suit you’ve got there, sir. [He attempts to smack the business man’s behind, however the middle-aged man proves substantially more agile than predicted.] Anyway, those charming fellahs behind Emergency & I (TMT Review), Change (TMT Review), and that mysterious list of steps for how to cut off your limbs without totally bleeding out in the process, The Dismemberment Plan, have announced a brand-spanking-new album due out October 15 by way of Partisan Records.
[For a moment here Peters stops speaking in order to wave his toy guns above his head and make surprisingly convincing gunshot noises with his mouth.]
The album’s called Uncanney Valley and it’s their first full-length since 2001’s Change. That’s right mister sunglasses, you heard me correctly, the album’s got an extra “e” wedged in there all messed up-like, and I’ll tell ya it really fudged up my attempts to text my mom about it this morning, what with autocorrect and all. Y’all remember how The Dismemberment Plan played a whole slew of new songs last summer? Don’t shake your head at me like that ma’am. Well, surprise surprise, a whole buncha those songs made it on to the new record, and if this wasn’t real life I’d totally embed a video or two of them below. They’re also… no these are toy guns [he points them at an oncoming policeman and makes another surprisingly convincing gunshot noise with his mouth]… the band is also playing a few dates in September which, again I’d totally… ouch! you’re hurting me, man! … I’d totally post them below if this was the internet…
As he was carried away by several frustrated policemen, he reportedly tried to replace “Backstreet” with “The Dismemberment Plan” in the Backstreet Boys classic “Everybody (Backstreet’s Back)” and we can only imagine that the joke did not work at all because of the irreconcilable syllabic differences.
Uncanney Valley tracklist:
01 No One’s Saying Nothing
04 White Collar White Trash
05 Living in Song
07 Daddy Was a Real Good Dancer
08 Mexico City Christmas
09 Go and Get It
10 Let’s Just Go to the Dogs Tonight
The Dismemberment Plan dates:
09.13-15.13 - Chicago, IL - Riot Fest
09.14.13 - Detroit, MI - St. Jerome’s Laneway Festival
09.21-22.13 - Denver, CO - Riot Fest