♫♪  Joe Mousepad + NorthernDraw - Lamp With US

I lived in Portland, Oregon for about six months after I graduated college, eventually returning home completely broke and depressed, with a steadily growing dependency on alcohol.

A few months post-graduation, I traveled from Iowa to Oregon over the span of three days with a person I had never met. We were to be roommates. She knew my friend Trey (a.k.a. Top Heavy) from ISU. I knew him from UNI. The three of us, as well as another person, were all going to live in a house together. Anyway, when she picked me up, after I had packed what I could fit into the U Haul trailer she had rented, she said to me, “My car might not make it there.”

That night, as she slept and I drove, traffic slowed down on a highway in South Dakota. As we rolled past what was holding everyone up, I saw a car in flames — brilliantly silent. I was, and still am, pretty sure I saw a body inside of the car as police and firefighters watched it burn. I didn’t talk to her about it when she woke up in the morning. I didn’t want to bother her, so I let it go. At the time, I took it as an omen. I figured my stay in Portland wouldn’t be positive, in that I was losing myself to the feeling of spiritual and personal defeatedness; that I was, in a sense, watching my brain burn from my own self-destructive tendencies and doing nothing about it.

Eventually, her car broke down. We paniced after a mechanic told us how much it would cost to fix the car. How were we going to get there? We only had enough money for rent and food and other necessities for our first month in Oregon. We couldn’t risk spending all of it before we even reached our shared space. And then there was the U Haul trailer to deal with. I had to put my constant, selfish internal dialogue on hold as I talked with this person I hardly knew. In time, she and I stopped our bullshit “what just happened?” mentality, and we even laughed at our absurd situation and how irresponsible we had both been financially. In a way, I think we both felt validated that we had fucked up. It made the journey seem more important. A story to tell. We talked to one another for the first time with a shared knowledge. We reached some sort of understanding. Together.

The trip wasn’t all bad, though. We eventually got to Oregon, and we both had an alright time on the way and also there. I think. During the trip, we saw craggy landscapes and devastating beauty. I personally saw my country for the first time. A sunrise in Idaho brought me to tears with hues of purple, pink, and blue I didn’t know existed, while Utah’s carved canyons held my eyes in rapt attention as my ears were filled with a fading radio station playing an old Mexican love song that I’m sure I’ll poetically never hear again. We poked at these facts, but mostly sat in awe.

I’m telling you all of this intimate, somewhat embarrassing information for a reason. Joe Mousepad + NorthernDraw’s Lamp With US reminds me of this kind of talk and non-talk; where you allow yourself to be raw and vulnerable, spilling your guts to someone about REAL shit, reassuring yourself that the past actually happened. But also, to remind yourself of the loneliness, joy, beauty, and sacred estrangement only two people can share together. You be the judge. Oh, and by the way, it’s a beat-tape.

Chocolate Grinder

CHOCOLATE GRINDER is our audio/visual section, with an emphasis on the lesser heard and lesser known. We aim to dig deep, but we’ll post any song or video we find interesting, big or small.

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