Shitfaced Newsathon Phase One (of Three), in which Doris Gets Her Oats

Publishing a fixed number of stories in the early mornings has been FUN!!, but after years and years of rigidly pasting together stories in a constricting/restricting, hierarchical format, we're just itching to jam a stick of dynamite up the ass of this edifice.

So, starting next week, we will be updating our news section in "real-time," which means news updates will now happen throughout the day. I'm sure a lot of you Classic TMT Readers will be eyeing the "Headlines" archive located at the bottom-right column, but I promise promise promise promise that our take on "real-time" news reporting could quite possibly be life-changing.

To celebrate this momentous occasion, we decided to get "shitfaced" and write some news stories as a final shebang, blowout, etc. So, for the rest of the week, you'll be reading some pretty intoxicating (wink) stories, non-edited. On Monday? Prepare for a fucking paradigm shift.

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(-0-0-)      ( goodbye static news! hello real-time news on monday!!!)

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(Hold your cursor over the above "Shitfaced Newsathon" picture for a special-edition, limited-to-5000, lathe-cut animation from our very own artist in residence, Sagat!)

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