Regardless of the degree of separation that TMT would like to draw between its larval self and other music zines, it is not only foolish, but downright impossible to negate that what we strive for, as listeners, as writers, and as fans, bears almost-indiscernible similarity in its desired ends. That is not to say, of course, that Jon and Barry both wish to convey the same feeling in their writing; on the contrary, something that strikes Jon as memorable may strike nothing but apathy in Barry. What I mean, rather, is that the same reasoning that leads Jon to his conclusion also leads Barry to his. Individual reaction to any music stems from what ties can be made between the listener and the artist; and it is such ties that the reviewer yearns to make whenever music is presented to him. Such are the desired ends of which I speak of; no sound opinion can be formulated if it was not in the reviewer's intentions to love the music in the first place.
I was still in junior high when Hello Nasty rained over local "alternative" stations and MTV like a tropical storm. Admittedly, I could not then discern its quality from the rest of the garbage I listened to, but in retrospect, it was the first good-- nay, great-- album I bought. As I made my first leap and grew somewhat conscious of good music, my love for the Beastie Boys grew, but without the realization that it, too, was regarded by the critical community as good music. The more I purchased of the Beastie Boys catalogue, the more I felt like I was succumbing to a guilty pleasure, a remnant of my old, stupid days. I was soon after made aware of my own ignorance, of course, and I'd be lying if I didn't admit that upon my discovery my fondness for their music didn't grow. But, as it stands, the Beastie Boys were the first, and perhaps only, band I absorbed myself in naturally and innocently, without pretense of any sort.
Yet, Hello Nasty was terribly flawed. Partly in songs but, more importantly, in the image it projected to the mass audience; an image identical to the one now projected with the release of To The 5 Boroughs. Having not listened to my old radio station since junior high, I could not say much in that respect, but one viewing of the 2004 MTV Movie Awards pretty much confirmed what I already knew: as far as the MTV demographic is concerned, the Beastie Boys are on the same plateau as Eminem, offering up nothing but a handful of evasive silliness. The difference this time around is that while Hello Nasty was ripe with challenging songs to throw a casual listener entirely off his axis ("Song for the Man," "I Don't Know"), To The 5 Boroughs offers no such things.
Before the album was even released, it was made known that the lyrics would be the most ambitious element of the album, blatantly attacking President Bush and the war on terror. Yet, few if any knowledgeable fans rejoiced over hearing this, bearing in mind the recent disaster of " "In A World Gone Mad" and, to a lesser extent, the 1999 single, "Alive." As expected, the lyrics on To The 5 Boroughs are, with a few exceptions, a dismal failure. Some may argue that ridiculous lyrics were always an integral part of the Beastie Boys' allure, but what makes them so embarrassing now is that they hold the intention of being earnest. It's hard not to cringe when MCA comments, "We've got a president we didn't elect/ The Kyoto Treaty he decided to neglect" on "It Takes Time to Build" or on "Right Right Now Now," when he laments, "I'm getting kind of tired of the situation/ The US attacking other nations."
It's difficult to discuss a single track without discussing the record as a whole, because the same flaws are so evenly scattered throughout. What is most disheartening, however, is not so much the lyrics-- they could be forgiven, as in the past-- but the overall approach that the Beastie Boys took to recording. Mix Master Mike is a mesmerizing DJ (not only with his work on Hello Nasty, but his independent material as well), but here he hardly shines through as he could. Most the beats are electronic, which, along with the lack of instrumental and off-genre numbers, though lending a homogenous feel, also lend a monotonic one. Furthermore, they are not crafted especially well and almost always fall flat. "Ch-check it out" and "Triple Trouble" are not especially good tracks, for example, but their use of acoustic-sounding drums makes them stand apart from their peers, rendering them slightly more enjoyable.
Up until a couple years ago I checked the Beastie Boys official site almost daily, hoping to come across some mention of a new album. My love for them found no parallel. For a while I believed there was and never could be a greater band. When the Rhyme and Reason Tour was announced, I did cartwheels; when Mike D went and broke himself, the bottom dropped from my heart.
I always enjoyed thinking about the fact that if the Beastie Boys, by some odd happening, found no DJ available to spin for them, they could always pick up their instruments and do the job themselves. Perhaps I am biased, being far more involved in rock and jazz and other instrumentally-inclined music than in rap or hip-hop, but I do believe that each of the three men play their instruments particularly well. Sadly, there is not the slight bit evidence to substantiate such a laudation anywhere on the album. In fact, there is very little at all to remind me of the Beastie Boys of yore, with whom I once formed the strongest of ties.
1. Ch-Check It Out
2. Right Right Now Now
3. 3 the Hard Way
4. Time to Build
5. Rhyme the Rhyme Well
6. Triple Trouble
7. Hey Fuck You
8. Oh Word?
9. That's It That's All
10. All Lifestyles
11. Shazam!
12. An Open Letter to NYC
13. Crawlspace
14. The Brouhaha
15. We Got The
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