Michael Columbia Stay Hard

[Alabaster/Galapagos 4; 2006]

Rating: 3.5/5

Styles: mostly-instrumental experimental rock with a danceable tinge
Others: Why?, Can, Dosh

Michael Columbia Bag-O-Tricks
Now only $8 for the price of an EP, because in many ways, it is an EP, you can have the entire stash.

””Whoopee cushion, guaranteed to simulate the most embarrassing flatulence imaginable.
””Horn lines, the model saxophone provides homeliness to the off-the-wall mix.
””Trick Gum, a spring-loaded pack of Trident gum to leave greedy fingers aching.
””Elasticity of sounds, flanging and phasing trigger psychedelic visions and warped sounds.
””Exploding Campbell's Soup Can, a boa constrictor kept under pressure until the cap is lifted.
””A jumble of organic and electronic instruments, a jambalaya of noise.
””Disappearing Ink, an entire bottle of fake ink to squirt on coworkers' shirts.
””Drones, somber until the drums leave indentations in the sine waves.
””Chattering Teeth, prepared to ostracize gabbers with a simple wind-up.
””Affected vocals, voices that barely surface out of the fray; run it through the machine.
””Bug in Ice Cube, a real bug encased in a counterfeit cube; drinker's delight.
””Crossover appeal, music so genre-juxtaposed, it needs two labels to put it out, one of which is a rap label.
””Hand Buzzer, to deliver a merciless, spine-tingling handshake to friends.
””Fake Barf, to gross out any date-gone-wrong or startle grandma.

The Michael Columbia Bag-O-Tricks: Stay Hard Edition is built as a tough suede-cloth sack with durable drawstring providing resistance to wear-and-tear. Trusted for repeated usage.

Comes with a David McDonnell and Dylan Ryan money-back guarantee.

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3. Out of Every
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5. Bengal Tiger
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