Okay, the following review is not nice. But you should know that I'm in no way an indie elitist snob who holds his tastes above others, even when it most seems that way. I'm an opinionated sonufabitch, but far from close-minded or dismissive. I understand that A Slice of Pie is something of a self-starter project, and it's reflected in the thinness of the production that not a lot of dough was available to get what they wanted. They're trying for both pop and indie anthems of the tender to funky sort. For the indie songs -- mostly voiced by the bassist Siarde Evans -- the thinness sort of works. The more pop moments with Stephen Olsen singing are Goo Goo Dolls and Phish-Chili Peppers fluctuations. These sound completely wrong with the same thin production as the Romeo Void-ish moments. They need to either settle on a sound or get better recording equipment. Perhaps even hire a horn section and call them the ass-less brass.
That said, here’s a barrage of pithy sentagraphs of derision posing as critique:
First of all, "Silent Rhino" makes "Smashing Pumpkins" almost look like a clever band name. Almost. As for what it sounds like, imagine the Chili Peppers (sans cajones) rocking out softly in the kitchen so they don't wake up their parents. If you're thinking a pajama party at KRecs HQ with hand drums and fifes, it's as close as you'll get to appreciating the substandard train wreck that's on display here.
What good could come from the group's relatively taut rhythmic muscles is wasted on limp exercises with lack of concept or variation (other than the sappy Barenaked Ladies slow songs thrown between greazy slabs of lo-fi ivory tower funk and flaccid STP hardrock). I open my ears like arms to a long lost lover, and I still hear something like Shrimp Boat-esque lite funk with trite and unoriginal vocalizing. Silent Rhino can play their instruments well; they just seem content to plod along when a recording treatment this lo-fi needs to belt out a bit.
There could be something here, but I honestly don't hear it. The keening, vapid vocals make me long for the banal everything-but-the-cowabunga sloganeering of Nic Offer (!!!). But these musicians (who indeed know how to play their instruments) went to lengths. They got together and worked to put these tracks down. Care was applied. Even if it wasn't in the air, the love had to be somewhere. What did they hear playing this daunting drivel? A success on the scale of Smashmouth's "All Star"? I think I can speak for many others who might have the misfortune of being exposed to these ditties when I say, I don't want it!
Rocksteady and Be-Bop are cooler than the Silent Rhinos. Two thumbs down for explicit blandness with several counts of severe lyrical/vocal wankery. 1/5 for trying. Actually, better make that a -5 for trying. I give this writer -5 as well for not finding a way to be nice and embellish to help these poor bastards out. They could have an audience, if they don't already. I just wouldn't want to be in that audience or anywhere near it, for that matter.
1. Caribbean Heart
2. Be With You
3. Painting the Town Red
4. Waterfall
5. Indian with a Star
6. Devil May Cry
7. Funky junky
8. Kidnapped Kat
9. A3 is 4
10. Russian Movies
11. Tele
12. Wrong
13. Flesh in Pink
More about: Silent Rhino
