Relationship Cycle 1: Paul Revere's thinly-veiled attempt to win over an easy chick:
Paul Revere: The Beasties are coming! The Beasties are coming!
Town honey who enjoys being taken advantage of: OH MY GOD! Are Beastie Boys actually touring? For real? M.C.A. gives me hot pants!
Paul Revere: ...The Beasties are touring! The Beasties are touring!
Town honey who enjoys being taken advantage of: It’s really late, Paul Revere. You and your horse can sleep in my guest room tonight. Deal?
Paul Revere: /One lonely Beastie I be/ All by myself with nobody/.
Town honey who enjoys being taken advantage of: Ahhh! That’s from “Paul Revere.” What a great Beastie jam. Seriously. [Lengthy conversation pause]... M.C.A. gives me hot pants!
Paul Revere: Listen, I didn’t want to tell you, but their song, “Paul Revere” -- it’s about me. I inspired it. Seriously. It’s about me.
Town honey who enjoys being taken advantage of: Oh...
Paul Revere: Any other townsmen would have rode over here and used that to try to get in your pants. I’m just not like that, baby. I’m not like the others.
Town honey who enjoys being taken advantage of: Gee, Paul, given the lyrical content of the song, that doesn’t really add up. I mean, the title of the song is “Paul Revere,” but I’m pretty sure Paul Revere is cited as the name of Mike D.’s horse briefly and nothing more comes of the reference. Yeah... the title was “Paul Revere” though... [Weighs options of vapid loneliness versus option to do it with Paul Revere].
So... um... It was way valiant of you to ride by my house to tell me about the tour. Way valiant.
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Relationship Cycle 2: Two Weeks Later, The couple snuggles up to When Harry Met Sally:
Town honey who enjoys being taken advantage of: I just know you’ll love When Harry Met Sally, Paul Revere. I just know it.
Paul Revere: ...
Town honey who enjoys being taken advantage of: Billy Crystal gives me hot pants!
Paul Revere: ...
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Relationship Cycle 3: It’s not you, It’s me:
Town honey who enjoys being taken advantage of: So, the Beastie Boys concert is in a few days.
Paul Revere: Yeah, honey, I’m excited. Get me a Sam Adams.
Town honey who enjoys being taken advantage of: I think you’re taking advantage of me. [Brings over his beer like a good girlfriend.]
Paul Revere: ...THIS ISN’T SUMMER ALE, BITCH! I THOUGHT I SAID I ONLY DRINK SUMMER ALE THIS SEASON...
Town honey who enjoys being taken advantage of: You getting mad gives me hot pants!
Paul Revere: STOP SAYING THAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, STOP SAYING THAT!
Town honey who enjoys being taken advantage of: WELL I’M SORRY IF YOU’RE NOT SATISFYING MY NEEDS, BUT JESUS, PAUL REVERE! I DON’T KNOW WHY THE BEASTIES WOULD EVER NAME A SONG AFTER YOU!
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Relationship Cycle 4: Two minutes later; Paul Revere has had it:
Paul Revere: Yeah, I’m taking your ticket for the concert. Deal with it. My friends want to see Beasties doing their hip-hop thing. Not like the instrumental shit going down in The Mix Up. But I bet that pending album release gives you hot pants, doesn’t it? I bet The Mix Up gives you hot pants! Go buy it June 26! June 26, your pants will be on fire, that’s a promise! Go buy your own tickets!.
BEASTIE BOYS SPREADING HOT PANTS LIKE WILDFIRE; U.S. TOURDATES:
